# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 151
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3003 "2017-08-16T19:42:40Z")
“I’m a victim of circumstance,” Tom said, pompously. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2017, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3004 "2017-08-16T20:14:45Z")
“Never mind the electric chair; we’ll just have the prisoner stick his finger in the wall panel”, said the warden, confused. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2017, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3005 "2017-08-17T11:20:03Z")
“Now I’ve got itchy hay stuck in my clothes, in my hair, and even in my underwear!” Tom cried out balefully. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2017, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3006 "2017-08-19T23:10:32Z")
“I would be much more useful if I had a proper room and didn’t have to work in this broom closet,” Tom said, officiously. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3007 "2017-08-20T01:12:08Z")
“Other people might like it, but as far as I’m concerned that green jelly ruined my mutton”, Tom lamented. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3008 "2017-08-20T01:29:57Z")
“I like having three referees for baseball games”, Tom said triumphantly. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3009 "2017-08-20T14:26:46Z")
“I know what I’d like to do to that little twerp in North Korea,” Tom said bombastically. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3010 "2017-08-20T15:57:39Z")
“I’d really like to have those trousers,” Tom panted. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3011 "2017-08-20T17:37:21Z")
> [@Thin\_Ice](#): > > “I know what I’d like to do to that little twerp in North Korea,” Tom said bombastically. “And I bet we’d send over a B-2 bomber to do it,” said Tom, stealthily. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3012 "2017-08-20T17:49:10Z")
“We’ll have a B-1 in formation with it”, said Tom, getting close to the Bone. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2017, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3013 "2017-08-21T04:19:29Z")
“It looks like an A-10 is coming in low,” said Tom, as if struck by a thunderbolt. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2017, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3014 "2017-08-21T11:29:33Z")
“My mum’s sisters made a human pyramid,” Tom said, anticlimactically. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2017, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3015 "2017-08-21T13:57:26Z")
“I’m not going to be inviting any top celebrities to my party,” Tom said unabashedly. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3016 "2017-08-22T19:21:22Z")
“No! I’m not getting a vasectomy,” Tom said, snippily. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3017 "2017-08-22T19:49:31Z")
“I hate camping,” Tom said, tentatively. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3018 "2017-08-22T20:22:02Z")
“I hate it when my yarn gets all tangled up”, Thomasina snarled. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3019 "2017-08-22T20:42:08Z")
“I hope you leave a big tip for our waitress,” Tom said gratuitously. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3020 "2017-08-22T22:33:57Z")
“Miss O’Jenny’s thick,” Pat said, misogenistically. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2017, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3021 "2017-08-23T14:45:49Z")
“I see Admiral Jones is being rowed across the harbor in a small boat,” Tom giggled. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2017, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3022 "2017-09-12T13:29:14Z")
“I hate Gordon Lightfoot’s song about that ship” said Tom, wreckily. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=150) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=152)