# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 157
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2018, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3123 "2018-01-20T05:30:43Z")
“I’m desperate, but not serious,” Tom said adamantly. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2018, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3124 "2018-01-20T13:40:15Z")
“I assure you I’m perfectly capable of acting as Hal’s agent regardless of whether you want him to direct another _Our Gang_ short, write his memoirs, or lecture about his experiences in show business,” said Tom, reproachfully. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2018, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3125 "2018-01-20T14:22:45Z")
“Every time I hear about [that old French newsreel company](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Path%C3%A9), my neck starts to twitch”, said Tom, pathetically. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2018, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3126 "2018-01-21T00:50:04Z")
“Changed my mind. You _do_ have to live like a refugee,” Tom sia, pettily. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2018, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3127 "2018-01-21T01:36:51Z")
“Would you look at that geyser?” Tom gushed. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2018, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3128 "2018-01-21T15:30:24Z")
“I’ve been ripped to pieces” Tom whimpered through his tears. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2018, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3129 "2018-01-22T03:32:06Z")
“Your dress is so soft, my dear,” Tom said silkily. ---
**Author:** ![Homo\_litoralis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homo\_litoralis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homo_litoralis)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3130 "2018-01-24T03:33:48Z")
“I’m no longer an amateur,” Tom said, appropriately. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3131 "2018-01-24T05:35:55Z")
“‘Piano Man’ is sappy drivel”, Tom cajoled. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3132 "2018-01-24T05:43:28Z")
“I don’t know why, but I’ve always resented the second letter in the alphabet,” Tom said begrudgingly. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3133 "2018-01-24T13:56:17Z")
“This chinchilla coat is too damn hot!” Tom said, infuriated. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3134 "2018-01-24T15:29:12Z")
“Your weapon is useless inside this force field, Kirk!”, said Khan, unphased. Unfazed, too. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3135 "2018-01-24T16:26:36Z")
> [@Oly](#): > > “This chinchilla coat is too damn hot!” Tom said, infuriated. “Yes, clearly fur garments are too warm for you, but I like them fine,” Sandy inferred. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2018, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3136 "2018-01-24T18:34:56Z")
“This five-spice powder is missing something,” said Tom, gingerly. ---
**Author:** ![Homo\_litoralis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homo\_litoralis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homo_litoralis)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3137 "2018-01-25T01:47:29Z")
“There’s just no way I can wash all of my laundry today,” Tom said, throwing in the towel. ---
**Author:** ![Oly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oly/32/8255_2.png) [@Oly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oly)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3138 "2018-01-25T06:11:22Z")
“I found my copy of _Ulysses_” Tom said, rejoiced. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3139 "2018-01-25T14:33:26Z")
“I really miss my Christmas tree” Tom pined. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3140 "2018-01-25T15:10:15Z")
“I forbid you go down to the granite quarry and throw things in,” Tom said stonily. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3141 "2018-01-25T16:27:22Z")
“I’m gonna do it anyway. I’ll assume permission”, said Tom, taking it for granite. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3142 "2018-01-25T16:59:37Z")
“Now I get why those African explorers wore these white helmets”, said Tom, pithily. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=156) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=158)