# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/301 "2013-07-17T11:29:12Z")
“I seem to have ended up in Delaware!” Tom said, in a quite terrible state. (feel free to modify based on personal prejudices ;)) ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/302 "2013-07-17T12:14:45Z")
“Some lunatic just pinned me down and shaved my head,” said Tom, visibly distressed. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/303 "2013-07-17T12:29:23Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Please start another thread if you want to discuss that further. This is a thread for Tom Swifties. Thanks! “I’ve got a good mind not to use any punctuation at all” said Tom uncommonly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/304 "2013-07-17T12:32:03Z")
“I’m looking for St. Augustine’s defense of Christianity,” Tom said apologetically. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/305 "2013-07-17T12:35:57Z")
“I need something to put on these pancakes” said Tom, surreptitiously. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/306 "2013-07-17T12:47:19Z")
(Hey, we made Threadspotting!) “Have you ever felt a smoother fabric?” Tom asked silkily. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/307 "2013-07-17T12:50:35Z")
“I think I’m unraveling,” said Tom threadspottily. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/308 "2013-07-17T13:09:37Z")
“Looks like I’m putting on weight”, said Tom emphatically. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/309 "2013-07-17T13:09:58Z")
“I’m heading straight for that puffin,” said Tom awkwardly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/310 "2013-07-17T13:12:41Z")
“There’s a dead skunk in the middle of the road,” said Tom extinctly. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/311 "2013-07-17T13:13:59Z")
“I’ll tell you precisely how I broke out of the dogs’ home,” Tom expounded. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/312 "2013-07-17T13:28:49Z")
“I think I lost my mare, therefore I am going to walk home,” said Tom, putting Descartes before the horse. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/313 "2013-07-17T13:41:20Z")
“My favorite Wizard of Oz character was the Tin Man”, said Tom heartlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/314 "2013-07-17T13:48:20Z")
“I hate women” said Tom dismissively. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/315 "2013-07-17T14:09:03Z")
“R. I. P. Tom,” he said lately. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/316 "2013-07-17T15:58:20Z")
“I’ve had surgery to make my stomach smaller,” said Tom with abandon. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/317 "2013-07-17T16:01:06Z")
“I seem to have lost all of my wind,” said Tom disgustedly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/318 "2013-07-17T16:08:17Z")
“I think we should take the train that doesn’t stop as much,” Tom said expressly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/319 "2013-07-17T16:19:01Z")
“I’m doing that crossword over again,” Tom resolved. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/320 "2013-07-17T16:20:11Z")
“Don’t you just love Old Faithful?” Tom gushed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=17)