# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 161
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3203 "2018-03-20T13:13:57Z")
“I’m tired of hunting quail! Why can’t we hunt for something else sometimes?”, Tom groused. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3204 "2018-03-20T14:37:55Z")
“Well I’m tired of hunting deer,” Tom sniped, as he rowed. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2018, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3205 "2018-03-21T18:28:01Z")
“There’s one more thing you have to do if you’re going to make a half-decent grilled cheese sandwich,” Tom grated. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2018, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3206 "2018-03-22T13:42:15Z")
“Enough with the snow. The vernal equinox has passed,” said Tom, springing to his feet. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2018, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3207 "2018-03-22T23:48:30Z")
“But I finally got used to the daylight hours,” said Tom, falling back. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2018, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3208 "2018-03-23T00:17:58Z")
“The laundry’s still putting too much starch in my shirts,” Tom said stiffly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2018, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3209 "2018-03-23T17:44:06Z")
“Science can certainly inform faith, but you still can’t find the Almighty using electromagnetic radiation with longer wavelengths than those of visible light,” Tom said irreverently. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2018, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3210 "2018-03-23T19:03:50Z")
“All the other kids made fun of me today because Teacher sat me in the corner wearing the dunce cap,” Tommy told his mother pointedly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2018, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3211 "2018-03-23T19:20:13Z")
“Sometimes you just have to improvise new toys, no matter how horrific,” Tom said, rolling his eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2018, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3212 "2018-03-23T23:35:00Z")
“You mean you’re not into alternative sex acts,?” asked Tom, blowing his nose. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2018, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3213 "2018-03-24T14:28:52Z")
“I hate my body and want to beat up one of the smallest but most visible parts of it!” said Tom, licking his lips. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3214 "2018-03-24T14:33:20Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > “I hate my body and want to beat up one of the smallest but most visible parts of it!” said Tom, licking his lips. Nitpick. “I hate my body and want to beat up one of the smallest but most visible parts of it!” said Tom, smacking his lips. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2018, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3215 "2018-03-24T16:14:31Z")
“I do like vocalizing the thought that ‘I hate my body and want to beat up one of the smallest but most visible parts of it!,’” said Tom, giving lip service to the idea. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2018, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3216 "2018-03-24T16:35:52Z")
“Of course, I could just slap the side of my face and be done with it,” Tom said cheekily. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2018, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3217 "2018-03-24T17:03:40Z")
“I just googled the best place to buy contact lenses,” Tom eyeballed. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2018, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3218 "2018-03-24T20:14:30Z")
> [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](#): > > Nitpick… “Licking” is slang for “beating up.” “Good thing my legs are so long,” said Tom, kicking himself. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2018, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3219 "2018-03-25T00:13:32Z")
“Is that the long-limbed Tom I just read about?” asked Tom, legging it. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2018, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3220 "2018-03-25T03:24:38Z")
“I really wish I hadn’t said that,” said Tom, putting his foot in his mouth. ---
**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2018, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3221 "2018-03-25T06:07:50Z")
“Foot and mouth disease affects ovines and cattle,” said Tom, sheepish and cowed. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2018, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3222 "2018-03-25T14:00:55Z")
“We can never stop fighting confined animal respiratory disorders,” coughed Tom, doggedly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=160) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=162)