# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 162
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2018, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3223 "2018-03-25T18:26:23Z")
“Well, you know, I’ve just never liked dogs,” Tom said cattily. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2018, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3224 "2018-03-25T18:28:36Z")
“Mmmm, bring me some of your sweet, sweet Meow-Mix,” said Tom, purring. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2018, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3225 "2018-03-26T13:34:14Z")
“I will no longer play the title role of Phantom of the Opera,” said Tom, unmasked. (Shameless plug:\* Unmasked\* is the title of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s autobiography, released in honor of his recent 70th Birthday. I recommend it extremely highly, even to non-musical theatre fans.) ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2018, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3226 "2018-03-26T14:22:09Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > “Licking” is slang for “beating up.” > > “Good thing my legs are so long,” said Tom, kicking himself. “Yeah, now that you mention it, they say my timepiece can ‘take a licking and keep on ticking’”, Tom chimed in. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2018, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3227 "2018-03-26T15:01:00Z")
“My clock has run down and gone silent”, said Tom, ticked off. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2018, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3228 "2018-03-26T15:03:44Z")
“That concrete structure in the river holds back so much water that the sight of it makes blood rush from my head”, said Tom, fainting with dam praise. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2018, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3229 "2018-03-26T16:33:40Z")
“That beaver dam that’s stopped up the creek has been gnawing at me lately,” Tom wrote in his log. ---
**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2018, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3230 "2018-03-26T19:01:42Z")
Looking for ways to get rid of the beaver dam, Tom, flooded with rage, burst out explosively: “Damn that dam!” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2018, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3231 "2018-03-26T19:12:43Z")
“Watch out for that nasty old turtle in the lake,” Tom snapped. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3232 "2018-03-29T15:23:38Z")
“What kind of lake is this?” asked Tom, placidly. ---
**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3233 "2018-03-29T16:14:59Z")
“I can tell ghost stories about this lake,” whispered Tom, eerilly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3234 "2018-03-29T17:22:02Z")
“But \*my \*Great Lake is truly the greatest, and so is the sky above it”, said Tom, with an air of Superiority. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3235 "2018-03-29T17:25:37Z")
“Congress is crawling with disgusting insects,” Tom said reproachfully. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2018, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3236 "2018-03-29T21:11:19Z")
“And this follows the thread from lakes?” asked Tom, bitingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3237 "2018-03-30T16:23:14Z")
“Is Good Friday over yet?” asked Jesus, crossly. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3238 "2018-03-30T16:26:41Z")
“I know the Seder tonight will be great,” said Tom, sweetly. [\* A _ziessen Pesach_ to all! \*] ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3239 "2018-03-30T16:34:56Z")
“I’m sure it will”, Tom’s brother said, choosing to pass over their quarrels. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3240 "2018-03-30T16:42:29Z")
“Yes, and Easter’s coming,” said Tom, rising to the occasion. "And quoting my supposed Brother in this thread is out-of-bounds, "said Thomas, doubling down, nominally. "But perhaps other posters will let it slide,’ said Tom, doubtfully. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3241 "2018-03-30T17:19:33Z")
“I am sad that Jesus is dead”, said Mary, maudlin. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2018, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3242 "2018-03-30T18:30:09Z")
“Don’t be sad, his death is the promised salvation of us all,” said Joseph, paternally. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=161) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=163)