# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 166
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3303 "2018-05-25T18:37:06Z")
“Ugh! This is the last time I ride the rear seat on this tandem bicycle with Ned after he’s eaten tortillas”, said Tom with the wind running through his hair. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3304 "2018-05-25T18:55:03Z")
“These new Viagra pills don’t work very well”, said Tom, going off half-cocked. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2018, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3305 "2018-05-25T19:35:54Z")
“On second thought, auto-cannibalism is a bad idea,” said Tom, full of himself. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3306 "2018-05-26T14:33:18Z")
“The wedding of Amy & Sheldon was marvelous,” said Tom, theoretically. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2018, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3307 "2018-05-26T23:07:56Z")
“Get outta my way! Gotta drain the vein,” Tom said, pissily. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2018, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3308 "2018-05-28T03:34:00Z")
“I get this way every time I drink rum”, Tom said groggily. ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2018, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3309 "2018-06-07T19:08:24Z")
“I masturbate every day without fail”, said Tom, without missing a beat. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3310 "2018-06-08T22:58:05Z")
“That’s TMI!”, Tom’s sister Sandy spelled out. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2018, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3311 "2018-06-08T23:20:54Z")
“Mmmm…tastes like fish!” said Tom, cunningly. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3312 "2018-06-09T02:40:30Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > “The wedding of Amy & Sheldon was marvelous,” said Tom, theoretically. [😕] ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2018, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3313 "2018-06-09T13:44:53Z")
The “Shamy” wedding was on The Big Bang **Theory**. And since Mayim Bialik is an Orthodox Jewish married woman and Jim Parsons is a gay married man, the idea of the actors getting together in real life is very theoretical. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2018, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3314 "2018-06-25T14:49:02Z")
“I hate losing debates”, said Tom, outspoken. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2018, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3315 "2018-06-25T16:44:31Z")
“If I’d known it was going to turn out like this, I probably would have held my tongue,” said Lucifer, downcast. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2018, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3316 "2018-07-01T20:12:29Z")
“Buh-bye, Lucifer!” said St. Peter, angelically. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3317 "2018-07-02T01:29:26Z")
“…and don’t worry about smoking down there,” he added, warming to his theme. ---
**Author:** ![Thin\_Ice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@Thin\_Ice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thin_Ice)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3318 "2018-07-02T12:04:55Z")
“Y’all just shut the fuck up,” said Lucifer, fuming. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3319 "2018-07-02T12:14:20Z")
“But maybe there’s some wimmen down there”, said Lucifer, horny as Hell. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3320 "2018-07-02T13:32:46Z")
“I read the 129 books in the series by Victor Appleton really fast,” said Tom, swiftly. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3321 "2018-07-02T15:00:22Z")
“I’ve finally destroyed every single one of those sickeningly sweet stuffed bears!” said Tom, without a Care in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2018, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/3322 "2018-07-02T15:47:39Z")
“Wonder how Jack is doing,” said Wendy Torrance, icily. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=165) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=167)