# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 20
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/381 "2013-07-18T18:15:44Z")
“I can tell your fortune”, said Tom, soothingly. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/382 "2013-07-18T18:17:32Z")
“I’ve gone up in the world since I left the agency for a permanent job,” Tom extemporised. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/383 "2013-07-18T18:18:10Z")
“It’s time to kill the mockingbird,” said Tom at Harperly. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/384 "2013-07-18T18:19:11Z")
“Look out, Sir Edmund!” cried the sherpa, tensing. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/385 "2013-07-18T18:19:17Z")
“Ah, you’ve stoked the fireplace,” Tom said gratefully. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/386 "2013-07-18T18:23:16Z")
“My right shoe has too much leather,” said Tom in a thick brogue. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/387 "2013-07-18T18:43:12Z")
“This herbal Viagra from the Internet is a complete ripoff”, said Tom, limply. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/388 "2013-07-18T20:07:35Z")
“I’m going to see Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical about trains in the starlight,” said Tom expressly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/389 "2013-07-18T20:09:52Z")
“I wish I’d gotten a solid-chocolate Easter bunny,” Tom said hollowly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/390 "2013-07-18T20:12:33Z")
“It’s time to get out my breast pump”, Thomasina expressed. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/391 "2013-07-18T20:18:43Z")
“I shot at Hook, but hit Peter,” Tom deadpanned. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/392 "2013-07-18T20:21:07Z")
“I don’t think I’ll ever get released from Gitmo” said Tom, guardedly. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/393 "2013-07-18T21:15:52Z")
“Get me a sex change, now!” Tom demanded. ---
**Author:** ![ruh-roh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ruh-roh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruh-roh)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/394 "2013-07-18T21:18:10Z")
Jane! Stop this crazy thing! Said Tom, running off at the mouth. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/395 "2013-07-18T21:28:33Z")
“You call THIS a candy bar?” Tom snickered. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/396 "2013-07-18T21:31:52Z")
"I know a few tricks about succeeding on the Glasgow comedy circuit, " said Billy cannily. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/397 "2013-07-18T21:37:52Z")
“There is water is the gas tank” Tom stuttered. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/398 "2013-07-18T22:47:10Z")
“I’ll never get over the loss of my Xbox,” Tom sobbed inconsolably. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/399 "2013-07-18T23:52:47Z")
“If only I could rapidly alternate between two adjacent notes!” Tom trilled. ---
**Author:** ![cutman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f04885/32.png) [@cutman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cutman74)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/400 "2013-07-18T23:57:34Z")
Apparently, Tom said he knocked up his girlfriend. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=19) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=21)