# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/401 "2013-07-19T00:51:04Z")
.sdrawkcab dias moT, “skool ti naht redrah si sihT” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/402 "2013-07-19T04:37:07Z")
“I wish she’d stripped off in that post-hippie movie!” said Tom scanttilly. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/403 "2013-07-19T09:38:05Z")
“Being covered with blood isn’t so bad,” said Tom in a sanguine humour. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/404 "2013-07-19T10:05:32Z")
“I spray sputum like a machine gun!” said Tom phlegmatically. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/405 "2013-07-19T10:08:13Z")
“How do I make barrels? Just like that!” said Tom, a cooper. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/406 "2013-07-19T12:51:11Z")
“I appreciate the comic relief in Shakespeare’s plays,” Tom belched. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/407 "2013-07-19T13:07:17Z")
“You can’t remove that wall from my French chateau!” Tom demurred. ---
**Author:** ![dmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatt)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/408 "2013-07-19T13:19:06Z")
“I hate that the Middle East still uses that ancient form of punishment”, Tom said stone faced. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/409 "2013-07-19T13:20:04Z")
“I’m glad that turbulent wind has died down”, said Tom disgustedly. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/410 "2013-07-19T13:21:56Z")
“The cat was definitely killed by the pitbull. Let’s lynch it!” Tom said, with a hangdog look. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/411 "2013-07-19T13:42:46Z")
“I beat the meter numerically, and poetified most chimerically, but Elendil’s Heir still won over there,” said the Professor limerickally. ---
**Author:** ![dmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f9b8f/32.png) [@dmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatt)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/412 "2013-07-19T13:43:26Z")
“All this rain in my life is making me depressed,” Tom said, forgetting Longfellow. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/413 "2013-07-19T15:48:13Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > “The cat was definitely killed by the pitbull. Let’s lynch it!” Tom said, with a hangdog look. “I’ll never let you take Fido,” said Tom, doggedly. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/414 "2013-07-19T15:54:56Z")
“My girlfriend is not impressed by my sexual performance,” said Tom of his shortcomings. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/415 "2013-07-19T16:17:22Z")
“Dis marks de property line,” Uncle Tom said defensively. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/416 "2013-07-19T17:07:56Z")
“Xerxes and Darius were villains who should never have procreated”, said Tom, castrating Persians on their integrity. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/417 "2013-07-19T17:12:04Z")
```auto damn([]): damn([%Head|Rest) :- "Cursed be %Head to the uttermost generation, %Head and all his heirs; may %Head's enterprises fail, %Head's house fall, and %Head's hated name be expunged from history", damn(Rest): damn(Them_All). ``` Tom said recursively. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/418 "2013-07-19T17:27:50Z")
“I like bending paper clips back and forth until they break”, said Tom reflexively. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/419 "2013-07-19T18:21:02Z")
“Hmmm, chewy,” Tom ruminated. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/420 "2013-07-19T18:42:32Z")
“They can take away our freedom, but they’ll never take away our… lives!,” Tom brainfarted. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=20) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=22)