# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 24
**Author:** ![MacLir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@MacLir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacLir)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/461 "2013-07-22T15:55:48Z")
> [@fanganga](#): > > “Get me a sex change, now!” Tom demanded. “I was a girl before my sex change” Tom said, dismissively ---
**Author:** ![MacLir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@MacLir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacLir)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/462 "2013-07-22T16:05:02Z")
“Agatha’s a real mad girl now” said Gil, sparkily. Go read “Girl Genius” if the jokes aren’t obvious. That’s what you get for dragging cartoons in. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/463 "2013-07-22T16:07:51Z")
“Someone removed an ingredient from this fruit salad” Tom despaired. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/464 "2013-07-22T16:13:56Z")
“I’m sure there’s a timeframe for when Belkar Bitterleaf will die”, said Tom, sticking to his guns. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/465 "2013-07-22T16:42:16Z")
“I’m so glad that ID law passed, because too many of the wrong people were showing up at the polling places”, said Tom, devotedly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/466 "2013-07-22T16:58:18Z")
“If only every serf would do his duty to his lord and master,” Tom said futilely. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/467 "2013-07-22T17:13:03Z")
“I’ve already paid Orange; here’s your money, Blue,” said Tom, paying a complement. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/468 "2013-07-22T17:49:50Z")
“I put graffiti again inside the field hospital where they treat pilonidal problems,” Tom remarked insistently. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/469 "2013-07-22T22:05:06Z")
“I don’t understand why anyone has a problem with stick figures in Sluggy Freelance,” said Tom shirtily. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2013, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/470 "2013-07-22T23:06:19Z")
“I feel so bad for that poor ol’ Jean Valjean,” Tom said miserably. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/471 "2013-07-23T00:07:19Z")
“Well, as well him as another,” said Molly, yes, she said, yes… ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/472 "2013-07-23T03:48:10Z")
“Even Shakespeare wrote some comic relief now and then,” Tom belched. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/473 "2013-07-23T06:44:51Z")
“Foliage once again!” said Tom, relieved. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/474 "2013-07-23T10:15:42Z")
“I just don’t get phonetic Spoonerisms!” Ted Somme unwittingly. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/475 "2013-07-23T11:10:55Z")
“He just called me an Uncle Tom,” Tom said blackly. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/476 "2013-07-23T11:18:58Z")
“Hell, I’m not chicken,” Tom brooded. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/477 "2013-07-23T12:19:11Z")
“I’ll beat out a message bongo-style,” Tom tom-tommed. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/478 "2013-07-23T14:23:58Z")
“I’m not gonna shear those sheep!” Tom bleated. ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/479 "2013-07-23T14:32:27Z")
“It was a raven that visited me”, Tom was quoted as saying. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/480 "2013-07-23T14:47:14Z")
“Anything’s better than the pendulum,” Tom pitted. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=23) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=25)