# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/481 "2013-07-23T15:18:50Z")
“I really like geometric curves” Tom hyperbolized. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/482 "2013-07-23T15:32:33Z")
“Let’s ignore the Mars mission and fly closer to the sun,” said Major Tom mercurially. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/483 "2013-07-23T20:03:35Z")
“I do not need a masked man as my park assistant” said Tom, lone rangerly. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/484 "2013-07-23T20:22:51Z")
“Are these vertical wooden planks really necessary for this fence?” Tom postulated. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/485 "2013-07-23T21:02:40Z")
“Mayella Ewing was beaten by a man who led exclusively with his left,” Atticus Finch said off-handedly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/486 "2013-07-23T21:05:59Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > “I feel so bad for that poor ol’ Jean Valjean,” Tom said miserably. “Let me die as Javert dies!” Tom cackled insanely. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/487 "2013-07-24T00:36:16Z")
“There is something wrong with ASS” Cracked Tom. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/488 "2013-07-24T00:40:37Z")
“Marrying Miss Havisham’s niece will be great,” said Pip expectantly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/489 "2013-07-24T00:47:37Z")
“I’ve got a ton of dynamite and I’m not afraid to use it!” Tom exploded. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/490 "2013-07-24T02:46:12Z")
“There must be 288 of those disgusting things!” exclaimed Tom too grossly. ---
**Author:** ![cjohn310](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@cjohn310](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjohn310)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/491 "2013-07-24T03:16:07Z")
Do (bad) double entendres count as 2? “Appleton was for the birds” said Tom swiftly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/492 "2013-07-24T13:31:54Z")
“I figured out a way to communicate electronically with my dog!” Tom said impetuously. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/493 "2013-07-24T14:33:08Z")
A Scots Swiftie: “Ach, ah’ve bin decapitated,” said Tam heedlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/494 "2013-07-24T15:37:27Z")
“By a knight of ghosts and shadows I summoned am to tourney,” said Tom o’Bedlam, ten leagues beyond the wild world’s end. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/495 "2013-07-24T18:47:10Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > “We should bring more _Formicidae_ into the country,” Tom said importantly. “You’ll have quite a fight on your hands, the domestic Formicidae lobby’s already dug in,” Tom observed trenchantly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/496 "2013-07-24T20:32:42Z")
“I grew up on Captain Kangaroo and his cartoons,” said Tom terrifically. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/497 "2013-07-24T20:35:02Z")
“My new jeans faded in the wash” said Tom, not-so-bluely. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/498 "2013-07-24T20:55:36Z")
“I’ve got a strong urge to hear _It’s Not Unusual_”, said Tom, jonesing. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/499 "2013-07-24T21:03:19Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “By a knight of ghosts and shadows I summoned am to tourney,” said Tom o’Bedlam, ten leagues beyond the wild world’s end. (Rosemary Sutcliffe, _Brother Dusty-feet_?) “I’m all out of arrows,” Tom said, quivering. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/500 "2013-07-24T21:37:39Z")
“Thanks for letting me out of that oil lamp i was trapped in”, Tom said genially. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=24) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=26)