# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 26
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/501 "2013-07-24T21:39:02Z")
“Making up to my girlfriend this time is going to take a full dozen longstems, without thorns too”, said Tom, morosely. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/502 "2013-07-24T21:42:33Z")
“I need to use your pickup for a little while longer”, Tom said truculently. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/503 "2013-07-24T21:45:06Z")
“I did not murder and consume that salesman,” Tom repeated. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/504 "2013-07-24T21:49:13Z")
“I’m going to take a look around”, said Tom circumspectly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/505 "2013-07-24T22:06:59Z")
“The circus doesn’t have Jumbo anymore”, said Tom irrelevantly. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/506 "2013-07-24T22:11:54Z")
“I’ve got a head on a stick,” said Tom hedonistically. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/507 "2013-07-24T22:23:19Z")
“I’m floating in a most peculiar way,” sang Major Tom with levity. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/508 "2013-07-25T00:41:13Z")
> [@robdog](#): > > “i’ve got a head on a stick,” said tom hedonistically. 😃 | | Love it. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/509 "2013-07-25T02:38:11Z")
“I’ve just been introduced to a real square,” said Tom metaphorically. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/510 "2013-07-25T02:42:18Z")
“Incest is best,” Tom said paternally. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/511 "2013-07-25T03:52:44Z")
“I wish I could live with the Tri-Delts forever!” said Tom fraternally. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/512 "2013-07-25T06:18:44Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > “Incest is best,” Tom said paternally. “Edward certainly thinks so,” Tom insisted. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/513 "2013-07-25T11:19:53Z")
> [@RobDog](#): > > “I’ve got a head on a stick,” said Tom hedonistically. You could make this more subtle, as in: “Let’s visit Traitors’ Gate,” said Tom hedonistically. But I like the dumb repetition of your version. “I’ll allow you to use my copyrighted material,” said Tom licentiously. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/514 "2013-07-25T11:57:11Z")
“I love bobbing up and down in the water,” Tom said boyishly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/515 "2013-07-25T13:57:46Z")
“This stick is shod with metal!” Tom grinned ferally. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/516 "2013-07-25T17:31:04Z")
“Want a ride in my private jet?” Tom leered. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/517 "2013-07-25T18:26:13Z")
“The stars look very different today,” sang Major Tom, sparklingly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/518 "2013-07-25T18:55:25Z")
“Tell my wife I love her very much,” said Major Tom, bowie-ing out. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/519 "2013-07-25T20:05:41Z")
“I like reading about the Greek philosophers, but not _that_ much,” Tom said platonically. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/520 "2013-07-25T20:18:37Z")
“Chinese Taoism is Laozi,” said Tom, sitting in oblivion. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=25) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=27)