# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/41 "2013-07-10T16:36:54Z")
> [@Trion](#): > > “I have heart problems.”, Tom murmured. “The doctor says it’s cardiomegaly,” said Tom with a heavy heart. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/42 "2013-07-10T16:47:32Z")
“I have no idea what groceries to buy,” said Tom listlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/43 "2013-07-10T16:48:21Z")
“I never met an entomologist I didn’t like,” said Tom waspishly. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/44 "2013-07-10T16:57:09Z")
“I’ll never be able to afford that Vespa,” Tom moped. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/45 "2013-07-10T16:58:55Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > “I’ll never be able to afford that Vespa,” Tom moped. 🙂 “I can’t afford the kennel fees, and I can’t afford to have her spayed,” Tom bitched. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/46 "2013-07-10T17:18:45Z")
“I have a problem producing and maintaining an erection,” Tom said limply. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/47 "2013-07-10T17:29:13Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > **Amateur Barbarian, Mister Rik** - just one per post, as the OP rules state, if you please. “Oops, I somehow didn’t see that part,” Tom said blindly. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/48 "2013-07-10T17:41:57Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > “Oops, I somehow didn’t see that part,” Tom said blindly. :smack: “I didn’t know I was only supposed to post one Tom Swifty,” sang Rik in a high treble. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/49 "2013-07-10T17:49:34Z")
“Too many Chinese railroad workers here,” said Tom coolly. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/50 "2013-07-10T17:54:10Z")
“He fired his pistol first!” Tom shot back. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/51 "2013-07-10T17:56:13Z")
“I enjoy picking the batter off deep-fried prawns,” Tom extemporised. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/52 "2013-07-10T17:58:26Z")
“Now I really am going to stab you,” said Tom keenly. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/53 "2013-07-10T18:03:13Z")
“The damn car won’t start!” Tom said, crankily. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/54 "2013-07-10T18:05:58Z")
“I really hate Immigration and Customs Enforcement,” said Tom icily. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/55 "2013-07-10T18:33:22Z")
“Somebody’s left us a really bad review on the internet!” Tom yelped. ---
**Author:** ![OldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3bc359/32.png) [@OldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/56 "2013-07-10T19:27:06Z")
“I’ll take the prisoner down to the dungeon,” said Tom condescendingly. ---
**Author:** ![OldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3bc359/32.png) [@OldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldGuy)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/57 "2013-07-10T19:28:43Z")
“How do they illuminate the streets in Warsaw?” asked Tom politely. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/58 "2013-07-10T19:45:26Z")
“How I wish I could live at Hogwarts!” Tom said enchantedly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/59 "2013-07-10T19:46:54Z")
“What was Lord Voldemort’s original name?”, Tom riddled. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/60 "2013-07-10T19:52:49Z")
“I really appreciate no-holds-barred sex advice,” Tom said savagely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=4)