# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 33
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/641 "2013-08-03T21:26:40Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “… — … … — … … — … ,” tapped Tom remorsefully. (I did that one ages ago, and my Morse was a lot more creative than yours 😉 ) “I could just do a line of coke right now,” Tom snorted. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/642 "2013-08-03T22:41:24Z")
“I just _adore_ champagne,” Tom bubbled. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/643 "2013-08-03T22:46:03Z")
“I have failed to appease the gods Malac and Ra,” said Tom remorselessly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/644 "2013-08-04T03:41:29Z")
“I almost feel like a judge today,” Tom said magisterially. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/645 "2013-08-04T13:39:22Z")
“Flea circus? Pah! I’ve trained an insect to ride a motorbike!” Tom said triumphantly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/646 "2013-08-04T14:44:20Z")
“I don’t think that blood pressure reading was valid. Better try again” said Doctor Tom, repulsed. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/647 "2013-08-04T23:27:21Z")
“Dammit, why can’t I even do basic arithmetic anymore?” asked Tom, nonplussed. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/648 "2013-08-05T00:28:19Z")
“I want to move somewhere where it’s warm” said Tom, floridly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/649 "2013-08-05T01:38:38Z")
“Sesquipedalian rhodomontades further alienate me from Anglican Weltanshauung dogmata,” said Tom antidisestablishmentarianistically. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/650 "2013-08-05T03:14:07Z")
“Dog food, toothpaste, milk … I’m sure there was something else I was supposed to buy?” said Tom listlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/651 "2013-08-05T03:55:05Z")
“Oh, jeez, great - another flat,” Tom said tiredly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/652 "2013-08-05T08:36:08Z")
“What kind of idiot puts soap flakes in a _washing machine?!_” Tom foamed. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/653 "2013-08-05T12:04:01Z")
“I cannot seem to keep a girlfriend for any length of time!” said Tom unsteadily. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/654 "2013-08-05T13:19:21Z")
“I suppose August 9, 1974 must’ve been a pretty sucky day for Richard Nixon,” Tom said resignedly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/655 "2013-08-05T13:44:17Z")
“Dammit, the court found me negligent and ordered me to pay damages _again_”, Tom retorted. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/656 "2013-08-05T13:49:40Z")
“I can talk really, really, really, really, really fast” said Tom, swiftly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/657 "2013-08-05T13:52:41Z")
“Every day I wear the same dull brown clothes,” said Tom redundantly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/658 "2013-08-05T14:54:55Z")
“I helped deliver my baby,” said Tom, accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/659 "2013-08-05T15:06:24Z")
“The Bronte sisters were the \*greatest \*English novelists _ever_! And the brontosaurus was the coolest dinosaur!”, Tom thundered. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/660 "2013-08-05T15:10:42Z")
“Even as a child I liked butchering kittens,” said Tom categorically. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=32) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=34)