# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 36
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/701 "2013-08-08T15:46:53Z")
“I don’t want you to be my student anymore, but maybe we can still be friends,” said Aristotle platonically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/702 "2013-08-08T17:46:27Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/703 "2013-08-08T17:53:38Z")
“Der thesis, der antithesis, zen der synthesis, ja?” said Hegel dialectically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/704 "2013-08-08T19:03:30Z")
“I’m through writing these long, tendentious essays” said Tom, intractably. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/705 "2013-08-08T19:05:53Z")
“You can never silence me!” proclaimed Tom, immutably. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/706 "2013-08-08T19:10:33Z")
“I’m rather fond of small burrowing mammals,” Tom said shrewdly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/707 "2013-08-08T19:52:26Z")
“Could you please toss me another chunk of fish?” asked Tom, porpoisefully. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/708 "2013-08-09T05:25:28Z")
“What’s the longest English singular word with no written vowels?” asked Tom spryly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/709 "2013-08-09T07:57:51Z")
“Get in the back of the boat,” Tom said sternly. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/710 "2013-08-09T08:32:44Z")
“I can’t believe we’ve reached fifteen pages without someone dredging up the old chestnut that is the only one fanganga can remember offhand,” said Tom in dead earnest. ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/711 "2013-08-09T14:02:40Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > “Get in the back of the boat,” Tom said sternly. “Only I get to be in the front,” he added proudly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/712 "2013-08-09T14:07:32Z")
> [@fanganga](#): > > “I can’t believe we’ve reached fifteen pages without someone dredging up the old chestnut that is the only one fanganga can remember offhand,” said Tom in dead earnest. “Which one’s that?” asked Tom fannishly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/713 "2013-08-09T16:45:52Z")
“I want to be like that gentleman thief from Victorian fiction,” Tom said raffishly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/714 "2013-08-09T17:21:37Z")
“I’m against people coming into my house and throwing garbage at me,” said Tom wistfully. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/715 "2013-08-09T18:16:21Z")
“What’s wrong with this sugar? It didn’t dissolve in my tea at all”, said Tom, with a lump in his throat. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/716 "2013-08-09T18:50:50Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “Which one’s that?” asked Tom fannishly. “The one about homosexual necrophilia,” said Tom stiffly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/717 "2013-08-09T19:28:28Z")
“I think I’ve had this piece of lettuce for almost a week,” Tom said limply. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2013, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/718 "2013-08-10T15:12:44Z")
“Who the hell killed these women and than jacked off?” asked Tom, rippingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2013, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/719 "2013-08-10T17:37:33Z")
“Don’t you people ever get tired of this wordplay?” asked Tom, im-pun-itently. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2013, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/720 "2013-08-11T02:26:51Z")
“I have a lot of cool stuff I want to bring into the country from overseas,” Tom said importunately. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=35) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=37)