# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 53
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1041 "2013-09-18T12:09:19Z")
“I love putting false information in the entries,” he added wikidly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1042 "2013-09-18T20:30:49Z")
“I cannot believe she whacked off my penis,” said Tom, coming up short. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1043 "2013-09-19T01:24:24Z")
“I wish I could play my videogames with my brainwaves alone,” Tom said disconsolately. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1044 "2013-09-19T03:20:00Z")
“\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_” said Tom, insensibly. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1045 "2013-09-19T16:34:29Z")
“Shame about the incident with the steamroller at the Riverdance concert,” said Michael Flatley. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1046 "2013-09-19T16:49:43Z")
“Mister Ranger took away the pick-a-nick basket, Booboo!” said Yogi, who could bearly speak. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1047 "2013-09-19T16:53:00Z")
“A raccoon with a foamy mouth bit me, but I swear, I feel fine!” Tom said rabidly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1048 "2013-09-19T17:13:34Z")
“Arr, it be $2.50 for a single slice or $10 for the whole one, me hearty,” said Tom piratically. ---
**Author:** ![fanganga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fanganga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fanganga)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1049 "2013-09-19T17:33:43Z")
“Avast, I be seizin’ all yer condiments,” said Tom saltily. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2013, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1050 "2013-09-19T17:45:01Z")
“Uck o, the lot o you,” said Tom ineffably. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1051 "2013-09-20T01:56:26Z")
“I’ve always thought they should beatify Noah’s boat - it was surely the most miraculous thing in that tale” said Tom starkly. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1052 "2013-09-20T03:18:55Z")
“I hate this stove! It burns everything!” Tom said hotly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1053 "2013-09-20T19:09:40Z")
“What \*is \*that foul smell in this hotel?” said Tom, instinctively. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1054 "2013-09-20T19:57:33Z")
“Can’r you stick something in that kid’s mouth to shut him up?” asked Tom, passive-firely ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2013, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1055 "2013-09-20T20:18:22Z")
“I think I might look good standing outside Buckingham Palace in a red uniform with brass buttons and a big bearskin hat,” Tom said guardedly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2013, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1056 "2013-09-22T02:13:45Z")
“Don’t leave me hanging here!” said Chad floridly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2013, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1057 "2013-09-22T15:47:45Z")
“I just assumed I could turn up and get a table,” Tom said unreservedly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2013, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1058 "2013-09-22T22:35:27Z")
“What do you mean, I can’t drive up to the summit of Mount St. Helens?” Tom erupted. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2013, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1059 "2013-09-23T00:09:12Z")
“Stub out your cigar and don’t just leave it smoldering in the ashtray, would you?” Tom fumed. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2013, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1060 "2013-09-23T00:33:04Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > “Stub out your cigar and don’t just leave it smoldering in the ashtray, would you?” Tom fumed. “Well THAT’s a childish way to react to fairly mild criticism!” said Tom, ashen-faced. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=52) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=54)