# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 55
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2013, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1081 "2013-09-25T02:59:59Z")
“Why do you think a particular internal organ has anything to do with your moods?” Tom said splenetically. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2013, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1082 "2013-09-25T05:01:31Z")
“A Modest Proposal For Preventing The Children of Poor People in Ireland From Being A Burden to Their Parents or Country, and For Making Them Beneficial to The Public” said Tom Swiftly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1083 "2013-09-25T20:14:44Z")
“I think I shall forevermore wear tweed jackets with leather patches on the elbows, smoke a pipe and argue over the smallest nits of academia until someday dying in genteel poverty,” Tom said professorially. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2013, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1084 "2013-09-25T20:18:25Z")
“I wouldn’t dress like that if I had to,” judged the Professor . ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1085 "2013-09-26T01:55:44Z")
“If small needles temporarily relieve my chronic pain, surely these large wooden spikes will eliminate it entirely!” said Tom painstakingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1086 "2013-09-26T16:23:15Z")
“Those talking trees in the Tolkien books probably didn’t move much during snowstorms” said Tom, enticingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1087 "2013-09-26T20:03:27Z")
“Ohio … is that the state that’s round on the ends and high in the middle?” Tom said elliptically. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1088 "2013-09-26T20:06:21Z")
“Mother suffered a haemorrhage,” Tom mumbled. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1089 "2013-09-26T20:19:26Z")
“One doctor says I’m fine, but the other says I’ll be dead by Tuesday next,” said Tom paradoxically. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1090 "2013-09-27T04:03:10Z")
“I finally managed to cross a persimmon with a parsnip!” said Tom parsimmoniously. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1091 "2013-09-27T09:06:38Z")
“Dig more fuel out of the bog?” Tom repeated. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1092 "2013-09-27T20:13:50Z")
“It wasn’t easy, but I managed to get all the lions down the toilet,” said Tom, flushed with pride. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1093 "2013-09-27T20:30:29Z")
“I was so happy to fly the lunar module back into orbit and dock with Columbia” said Neil Armstrong, over the moon. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1094 "2013-09-27T20:34:44Z")
“I just have to share this mundane item” said Tom, pointlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1095 "2013-09-28T03:20:33Z")
“Can you believe that when the distillery exploded, all of the booze was expelled in a dense, gaseous form?,” asked Tom, through an alcoholic haze. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1096 "2013-09-28T14:36:41Z")
“No, I don’t think you’re going to find two more undiscovered pharaohs’ tombs in the Valley of the Kings”, Tom tut-tutted. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2013, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1097 "2013-09-29T02:18:53Z")
“Don’t be such a chicken-shit,” Tom clucked. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2013, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1098 "2013-09-29T02:20:42Z")
“I feel so cute and holy, I think I’ll just sprout tiny wings and fly away,” Tom said cherubically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1099 "2013-09-29T16:36:15Z")
“I think I’ll just sit down for a spell,” said Harry, charmingly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1100 "2013-09-30T05:57:39Z")
“ **Shouting? Who’s shouting!** ” said Tom boldly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=54) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=56)