# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 56
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1101 "2013-09-30T11:02:17Z")
“My black bile and phlegm are out of balance,” Tom said humorously. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1102 "2013-09-30T12:00:39Z")
“I don’t give a damn who gets my stuff when I die!” said Tom unwillingly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1103 "2013-09-30T13:14:27Z")
“Do you really want my opinion?” asked Tom, humbly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1104 "2013-09-30T15:03:22Z")
“Looks like I gotta haul another truckload of hay,” Tom said balefully. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1105 "2013-09-30T15:15:06Z")
“I shudder to think of all the dangers Harry A. Potter went through,” said Tom haphazardly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1106 "2013-09-30T15:28:16Z")
“I think the penetration scenes are the highlights of any porno,” Tom indicated. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1107 "2013-09-30T16:14:26Z")
“I suppose President Nixon and I had better move out of the White House,” Tom said resignedly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1108 "2013-10-01T01:56:41Z")
“I much prefer grass than pebbles” said Tom forlornly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1109 "2013-10-01T15:40:24Z")
“The house numbers on this street go 1, 2, 3, and then 5. Somebody must have stolen the other one” said Tom, with a foregone conclusion. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1110 "2013-10-01T15:46:30Z")
“I _really_ liked that carnival ride about the difference between how Americans and the British end the alphabet,” Tom wheezed. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1111 "2013-10-01T15:46:37Z")
“What are some punctuation puns?” Tom questioned markedly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1112 "2013-10-01T15:51:26Z")
“Puns again?” groaned Tom periodically. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1113 "2013-10-01T15:54:57Z")
“Are you finished with that magazine yet?” Tom asked periodically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1114 "2013-10-01T16:13:08Z")
“I fucking HATE string quartets!” said Tom, violintly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1115 "2013-10-01T16:29:00Z")
“But viols are worse,” Tom fretted. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1116 "2013-10-01T16:40:26Z")
“The worst thing is when the bandleader gives himself a long solo,” said Tom, conducting himself accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1117 "2013-10-01T19:11:56Z")
“Yes, I \*would \*like another serving of that broiled calf meat,” Tom revealed. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1118 "2013-10-01T19:27:59Z")
“If it were up to me, no airplane would land where it was scheduled to,” Tom said divertingly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1119 "2013-10-02T04:30:23Z")
"I wonder why Americans spell it ‘ass’ " said Tom sp’arse’ly. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2013, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1120 "2013-10-02T04:34:34Z")
“But you told me to throw the entryway of the fence over there!” Tom castigated. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=55) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=57)