# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 59
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1161 "2013-10-11T19:07:44Z")
“I love my ring-shaped genital piercing!” said Tom, cock-a-hoop. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2013, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1162 "2013-10-11T19:14:57Z")
“I can’t wait to leave the White House so I can spend all day boinking my wife,” said Dwight Eisenhower, having another cockamamie idea. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1163 "2013-10-13T02:12:49Z")
"I wish I knew what was French for ‘here’ " said Tom icily. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1164 "2013-10-13T02:30:55Z")
“I’ve never had sex with a boring but well-mannered fellow before,” Tom said indulgently. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1165 "2013-10-13T12:30:13Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > “I can’t wait to leave the White House so I can spend all day boinking my wife,” said Dwight Eisenhower, having another cockamamie idea. “I wish I could get my wife to do oral sex” said Richard Nixon, finally getting it down pat. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1166 "2013-10-13T22:16:59Z")
“What’s up?” said Woody tigerlily. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2013, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1167 "2013-10-14T01:19:26Z")
“Do I look like a dog to you?” Tom growled. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1168 "2013-10-15T00:00:22Z")
“What do you mean, you’re pregnant?!” said Tom rhythmically. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1169 "2013-10-15T00:58:23Z")
“Why do you think I need two stuffed yellow bears?” Tom said, pooh-poohing the idea. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1170 "2013-10-15T01:46:20Z")
“Your meatloaf reminds me of some sporting equipment” said Tm puckishly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1171 "2013-10-15T17:17:27Z")
“I love watching those giant goldfish in my garden pond”, Tom said koi-ly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1172 "2013-10-16T03:37:39Z")
“Seeing your beautiful curls bouncing in the morning sunlight really puts a spring in my step this fine April morning!” said Tom coily. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1173 "2013-10-16T04:30:15Z")
“I’ve never liked my mom’s sister,” said Tom distantly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1174 "2013-10-16T04:30:29Z")
“That couch is much too big and plump for me,” Tom said stuffily. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1175 "2013-10-16T10:25:11Z")
“I’m going to name my new poodle Edward Leroy” said Tom doggedly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1176 "2013-10-16T16:08:54Z")
“Do you like my new Siamese?” Tom purred. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1177 "2013-10-16T18:06:05Z")
“That front door is wonderful!” said Tom, entranced. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1178 "2013-10-16T18:10:26Z")
“Said Tom self-referentially,” said Tom self-referentially. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1179 "2013-10-16T18:40:03Z")
“Damn, damn, damn!” said Tom, recursively. Or maybe we’ve done that one before, I’m not looking it up. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1180 "2013-10-16T18:45:14Z")
“Or maybe I will look it up,” said Elvis l1vely. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=58) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=60)