# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 60
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1181 "2013-10-16T18:54:27Z")
“Shit, shit, shit!” said Prof. Pepperwinkle, incontinently. So there! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1182 "2013-10-16T19:01:42Z")
(Yeah, THAT was funny.) “It’s a good thing I think ahead,” said the Professor Dependently. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1183 "2013-10-22T20:06:30Z")
“Come, let us adore the sacred hot dog,” said Tom Halloweenily. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1184 "2013-10-22T20:17:35Z")
“I just love haiku. I mean I really love it. I love it a lot,” said Tom, poetically. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1185 "2013-10-23T00:52:16Z")
“Wood is best for decks and porches,” Tom opined. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1186 "2013-10-23T00:54:56Z")
But when I wake up the wood never lasts," Tom mourned. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1187 "2013-10-23T02:37:29Z")
“I will not let them prospect for iron ore here!” said Tom determinedly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1188 "2013-10-23T16:31:44Z")
“I wish those soldiers would stop marching,” Tom said haltingly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1189 "2013-10-23T16:33:19Z")
“This has to be the smallest shopping center I’ve ever seen,” said Tom minimally. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1190 "2013-10-23T17:59:48Z")
“When I get disbarred, I won’t have to keep writing about where I read things!” Tom said excitedly. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2013, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1191 "2013-10-23T18:46:21Z")
“Anyone seen where my daughter put her red-haired doll, Ann?” asked Tom raggedly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1192 "2013-10-24T00:20:59Z")
“I know! I’ll take her to see that hibernating bear, \*then \*propose to her - she’s sure to accept this time!” said Tom woodenly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1193 "2013-10-24T04:15:10Z")
“We’ll never establish a stable orbit on this trajectory!” Tom said hyperbolically. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1194 "2013-10-24T04:17:45Z")
“I’m feeling too heavy after that big meal,” Tom said with gravity. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1195 "2013-10-24T14:32:41Z")
“The perp is wanted dead or alive,” Officer Tom said apprehensively. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1196 "2013-10-24T14:40:28Z")
“I’m not really Tom; I’m a fake,” mocked Tom. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1197 "2013-10-24T19:41:27Z")
“Is that really the syringe you needed for this operation, you quack?” Tom needled. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1198 "2013-10-24T20:21:09Z")
“This cast iron skillet sure made short work of that mugger.” Tom deadpanned. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1199 "2013-10-25T04:35:17Z")
“Everyone that’s sided with me in this fight has a round pointed hat, just like I do!” said Tom iconically. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1200 "2013-10-25T06:10:12Z")
“Shave and a haircut, two bits!” Tom sang out barbarously. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=59) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=61)