# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 72
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2013, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1421 "2013-12-17T05:57:10Z")
“How to deal with a wrong’un”, Tom googled. ---
**Author:** ![bleach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bleach/32/3106_2.png) [@bleach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bleach)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1422 "2013-12-18T03:13:52Z")
“I didn’t think I’d look like this after I got my breast implants removed,” said Tom expertly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2013, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1423 "2013-12-18T04:10:07Z")
“I think I’m gonna need some form of eye protection,” Tom goggled. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1424 "2013-12-19T00:25:16Z")
“Every true gentlemen should be at least slightly sun-bronzed” said Tom tangentially. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1425 "2013-12-19T00:53:54Z")
“You can’t outdo me with metallurgy puns”, said Tom, brassed off. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1426 "2013-12-19T04:55:32Z")
“Can I interest you in some highly-polished aluminum?” Tom asked brightly. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2013, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1427 "2013-12-19T05:55:20Z")
“Or how about some high-quality Thai silk?” Tom suggested smoothly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2013, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1428 "2013-12-20T06:39:55Z")
“I hate it when I angle-grind without goggles” said Tom, steely-eyed. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2013, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1429 "2013-12-20T17:51:31Z")
“Is there any cheap, flexible metal I could use on this project?” Tom asked tinnily. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2013, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1430 "2013-12-20T23:49:30Z")
“I love eating lead, but it seems to affect me in odd ways” said Tom, plumb-crazy. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1431 "2013-12-23T15:58:09Z")
“I dislike mean-spirited word play”, Tom said pungently. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1432 "2013-12-23T16:36:58Z")
“Are you going to give your students a short exam to see what they’ve learned so far?” Tom asked quizzically. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2013, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1433 "2013-12-23T17:05:47Z")
“I do like to sprinkle a little cheese on my spaghetti and meatballs,” Tom grated. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1434 "2013-12-23T17:10:04Z")
“You are perfectly welcome to treat me as an absolute and sovereign monarch who can do no wrong,” Tom said majestically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1435 "2013-12-24T16:03:43Z")
“Me love you long time, want fuckee suckee?” asked Tom, solicitously. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1436 "2013-12-25T13:00:24Z")
“I’ve made an ass of you and me”, Tom assumed. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1437 "2013-12-25T18:22:28Z")
“Would you ever forgive me if I lied to you _twice_?” Tom asked duplicitously. ---
**Author:** ![Bellhorn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@Bellhorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bellhorn)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2013, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1438 "2013-12-25T18:29:17Z")
“Hey don’t Bogart that joint!” Tom stated bluntly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1439 "2013-12-26T06:32:39Z")
“I hated that Chinese vase so much, I found myself jeering it in the antique store!” said Tom boomingly. ---
**Author:** ![Bellhorn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@Bellhorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bellhorn)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1440 "2013-12-26T14:46:20Z")
“Schilling was a great pitcher and deserves to be in the Hall of Fame,” Tom said Curtly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=71) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=73)