# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 73
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1441 "2013-12-26T15:11:02Z")
“Ding. Ding. Ding.” Tom reverberated as he hit the bell with a hammer. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2013, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1442 "2013-12-26T15:13:08Z")
“I wish I knew what Jerry’s girlfriend’s first name was in that episode where he couldn’t remember it,” Tom said dolorously. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1443 "2013-12-27T01:20:09Z")
“I wish I could photograph an irrational number” said Tom snappishly. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1444 "2013-12-28T07:33:16Z")
“Not tonight, I have a headache,” Tom said dispassionately. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1445 "2013-12-28T10:20:37Z")
Sorry for the three-fer but I’ll forget them if I don’t post them now: “Being a vindictive old woman really makes me want to kill a mockingbird”, said the author harpily. “I’m really worried about how to fool the Large Hadron Collider,” said the [Tory MP for Gainsborough](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Leigh) concernedly. “I wonder if the fact my great-grandfather was a Victorian British Prime Minister is the reason I’m always criticising our train service?” said Tom Disraeli. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1446 "2013-12-28T11:54:04Z")
“I’d go buy some Viagra, but it’s too hot to get up,” Tom said limply. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1447 "2013-12-29T00:34:45Z")
“Gee, those insects are stupid” said Tom antsilly. ---
**Author:** ![randompattern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@randompattern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randompattern)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1448 "2013-12-29T01:10:09Z")
[quote=“Colophon, post:100, topic:663095”] I don’t get this one… “You can’t eat just one”… Lays potato chips “I used to like unsalted chips but ,now I like them salty” Tom explained ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1449 "2013-12-29T01:30:11Z")
“I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country … ack, gurgle, aahh …” Nathan exhaled. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1450 "2013-12-29T01:37:31Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country … ack, gurgle, aahh …” Nathan exhaled. _golf clap_ ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1451 "2013-12-29T04:39:27Z")
> [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > Sorry for the three-fer but I’ll forget them if I don’t post them now… Read the OP again, and write any surplus Tom Swifties down elsewhere to remind yourself next time, please. “I must admit I haven’t read much about Indonesian separatism,” Tom said timorously. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1452 "2013-12-30T00:04:12Z")
“I will gladly pay you Tuesday for an ermine coat today” said Tom furiously. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1453 "2013-12-30T03:54:24Z")
“I find that my triumphs at the casino gaming tables are quite erratic,” Tom said winsomely. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1454 "2013-12-30T08:50:34Z")
“I was forced to sign on with Robin Hood by the miller’s son,” said Tom, much impressed. ---
**Author:** ![Spaghettifrier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@Spaghettifrier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spaghettifrier)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1455 "2013-12-30T10:28:05Z")
“You spelled Kurt wrong,” Tom said curtly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1456 "2013-12-30T14:35:00Z")
“I think I’ll predict some people’s demises for 2014,” said Tom, deadly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1457 "2013-12-30T16:54:34Z")
“I don’t really care about foot care for small insects,” Tom said pedantically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1458 "2013-12-30T19:06:22Z")
“I am a master electrician and I’ll have that circuit back in service momentarily” said Tom, profusely. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1459 "2013-12-30T23:57:32Z")
"Don’t be early to my party this time. Be on time, or better still … " said Tom belatedly. > [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > “I don’t really care about foot care for small insects,” Tom said pedantically. Nice! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2013, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1460 "2013-12-31T02:03:23Z")
Thanks! “My lungs are really, _really_ efficient!” Tom said superciliously. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=72) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=74)