# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 74
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2013, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1461 "2013-12-31T22:49:13Z")
“To keep it moist, every half an hour I take the meat out of the oven and pour its own juices all over it” lambasted Tom. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2014, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1462 "2014-01-04T01:02:25Z")
“I do this for a living and I’m still messing up!” said Tom, promiscuously. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2014, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1463 "2014-01-05T16:24:13Z")
“Tomorrow the 12 Days of Christmas will be over!” said Tom, having an epiphany. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2014, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1464 "2014-01-05T22:50:06Z")
“Leave my goddamn knife collection ALONE!” Tom said sharply. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2014, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1465 "2014-01-06T01:20:59Z")
“That used to be MY gold mine!” Tom exclaimed. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2014, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1466 "2014-01-06T14:47:52Z")
“Could you please top humming that same letter of the alphabet over and over again?” said Tom, enchanted. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2014, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1467 "2014-01-06T15:03:09Z")
“Nobody could interview a disgraced ex-President like that British journalist,” Tom said frostily. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2014, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1468 "2014-01-06T23:15:34Z")
“I wonder if two half-vowels count as one vowel” said Tom shyly. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2014, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1469 "2014-01-07T03:21:09Z")
“I wish that Hogwarts ghost would just go away,” Tom said peevishly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2014, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1470 "2014-01-08T01:01:04Z")
“What’s a Tom Swiftie?” asked Tom infinitely loopilly. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2014, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1471 "2014-01-08T01:07:49Z")
“My radio reception is crystal clear now!” said Tom ecstatically. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1472 "2014-01-08T02:11:24Z")
“Constrictive snakes have venomous barbs, I’m sure of it” said Tom boastingly. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1473 "2014-01-09T03:53:40Z")
“I’ll get this fire going,” Tom bellowed. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2014, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1474 "2014-01-09T03:57:27Z")
“When I said I’d dropped a clanger, I didn’t think it would be so literal” Tom bellowed. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1475 "2014-01-14T13:15:24Z")
“I’m afraid the Eagle’s thrusters have failed and you’ll be stuck on the moon,” said Tom apologetically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1476 "2014-01-14T14:17:27Z")
“That poor insect is stuck in the septic tank”, said Tom, incessantly. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2014, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1477 "2014-01-14T23:38:16Z")
“The swimming pool at my French chateau is full of algae,” said Tom in an overt manner. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1478 "2014-01-15T02:49:16Z")
“She had _such_ a nice ass,” Tom mooned. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1479 "2014-01-15T05:27:14Z")
“Don’t worry ma’am, I’ve warmed the instrument” said Tom speculatively. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1480 "2014-01-15T14:15:14Z")
“I need to get hold of the latest designer watch as soon as possible!” said Tom in a timely fashion. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=73) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=75)