# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 75
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1481 "2014-01-15T14:30:04Z")
“You mean you’re charging me to watch the circus?” said Tom, patently surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Stanislaus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stanislaus/32/3391_2.png) [@Stanislaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stanislaus)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1482 "2014-01-15T14:32:03Z")
“I don’t care how much it costs to publish my complete history of obsolete coinage,” said Tom, sparing no expense. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1483 "2014-01-15T18:36:43Z")
“Just trump it, partner,” Tom said roughly. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1484 "2014-01-15T22:15:17Z")
“Your parole has been granted, Mr Vaughn,” said Tom unconvincingly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2014, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1485 "2014-01-15T22:21:53Z")
“You’ve always been my best buddy, Rainier, Your Highness”, Tom said principally. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2014, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1486 "2014-01-16T01:58:46Z")
“Look at all those ships! And my, they’re moving fast!” said Tom fleetingly. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1487 "2014-01-16T16:52:50Z")
“Why don’t you try on this negligee?” Tom asked transparently. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1488 "2014-01-16T17:19:01Z")
“I’ll have to perform surgery on this patient”, said Dr. Tom, operatically. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1489 "2014-01-16T17:22:20Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > “I’m afraid the Eagle’s thrusters have failed and you’ll be stuck on the moon,” said Tom apologetically. :: golf clap :: “I guess you forgot to wear proper nightwear, my dear,” Tom said negligently. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1490 "2014-01-17T02:37:46Z")
“Why would I want to lose my virginity?” Tom asked innocently. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1491 "2014-01-17T14:10:03Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > :: golf clap ::. “I’m always confused by this phrase: does ‘golf clap’ mean genuine or sarcastic applause?” asked Colophon greenly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1492 "2014-01-17T14:36:28Z")
“A golf clap? All that was worth was a golf clap?” Tom drove, teed off. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1493 "2014-01-17T18:15:13Z")
“Who wants to play golf when there’s so much kinky sex to be had?” Dan said savagely. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2014, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1494 "2014-01-17T21:01:50Z")
“I’m tired of hearing about the pilot that landed the plane on the Hudson,” said Tom, sullenly. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1495 "2014-01-18T04:36:51Z")
“God is dead,” Tom said, decidedly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1496 "2014-01-18T05:37:05Z")
“I’ve decided to only write in pictographic languages from now on” said Tom uncharacteristically. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1497 "2014-01-18T13:09:18Z")
“I always keep a drop to drink in the loft!” Tom said dramatically. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2014, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1498 "2014-01-19T18:19:02Z")
“I’m going to draw a picture of you being killed every three months” said Tom, quarterly. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2014, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1499 "2014-01-19T21:51:33Z")
“The comedy would have worked just as well if it was just Eric Morecambe,” said Tom unwisely. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2014, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1500 "2014-01-19T23:56:14Z")
“Quick! We need to build a bridge over this stream so His Royal Highness won’t get his feet wet!” said Tom spankingly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=74) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=76)