# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 79
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2014, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1561 "2014-02-07T03:03:50Z")
“I’m gonna burn down every MacDonald’s in the world!” Tom said archly. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2014, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1562 "2014-02-07T03:12:18Z")
“Phlegm?” Tom spat. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2014, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1563 "2014-02-07T06:40:27Z")
“There’s a snake in my shiraz!” Tom rasped. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1564 "2014-02-08T15:13:01Z")
“I did not order strawberries or blueberries” Tom rasped. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1565 "2014-02-08T17:20:54Z")
“My leading lady in the ‘Thin Man’ films, Myrna, was the most devoted companion one could ever have”, said William Powell, loyally. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1566 "2014-02-09T04:36:31Z")
“My friend mailed me some peanut butter cups,” Tom said, recently. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1567 "2014-02-09T09:58:14Z")
“My inbox is full again - stop sending me the same email over and over !” said Tom resentfully. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1568 "2014-02-09T10:44:28Z")
“The healthiest and cheapest transport for two is the tandem,” Tom said at length. The word _tandem_ actually \*\*is \*\*Latin for “at length” and the name of the two-person bicycle is a pun on this. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1569 "2014-02-09T14:37:31Z")
“My dog talks to me,” Tom barked. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1570 "2014-02-09T20:11:18Z")
“The cardiac surgeon had to remove both my left auricle and my left ventricle”, said Tom, halfheartedly. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1571 "2014-02-09T21:40:17Z")
“Get to the back of the boat,” Tom said sternly. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1572 "2014-02-09T22:51:21Z")
“I’d rather stay in the front of the boat”, said Tom, bowing. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1573 "2014-02-09T23:04:00Z")
“I’m going to the other side of the boat,” Tom deported. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1574 "2014-02-09T23:07:59Z")
“Bury me in any old box,” Tom said, coughin’ ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1575 "2014-02-09T23:10:58Z")
“Actually, I’ll stay on the starboard side because it’s reserved for the best,” Tom said righteously. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1576 "2014-02-09T23:36:53Z")
“These insects keep fighting back!” said Tom ant[agonist](http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/agonist)ically. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1577 "2014-02-10T13:13:49Z")
“I’ve already ejaculated three times tonight”, said Tom, forthcomingly. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1578 "2014-02-11T01:42:20Z")
“I’ve moved beyond the need for teeth” said Tom transcendentally. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1579 "2014-02-11T01:45:03Z")
“I’m selling admission tickets to Heaven”, said Father Tom, indulgently. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1580 "2014-02-11T14:19:48Z")
“I plan to read all of Bill Wasserman’s comic strips while my leg is in this cast,” said Tom, hobbling. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=78) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=80)