# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 94
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1861 "2014-04-13T16:43:13Z")
“All I have to do is push a button, and this machine will chop down the tree”, Tom said, axiomatically. Ok, I’m done :o ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1862 "2014-04-13T18:14:08Z")
“No, don’t stop!” Tom begged, haltingly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1863 "2014-04-13T19:14:30Z")
“I shall now stimulate your erogenous zone” said Tom, feeling low down. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1864 "2014-04-13T19:21:02Z")
“If I bank this putt off the rocket ship it should drop right in the hole” said Tom with a knowing glance. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1865 "2014-04-13T19:23:36Z")
“I always have to pee right after I douche” said Mary, full of piss and vinegar. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1866 "2014-04-13T21:32:03Z")
“It looks like we’re at an impasse” said Tom standoffishly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1867 "2014-04-13T21:36:25Z")
“This section at the back if the book will help me find what I need” said Tom, looking up. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1868 "2014-04-13T21:40:09Z")
“I got my hair cut real short” said Mary, distressed. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1869 "2014-04-13T22:09:46Z")
“See my some time,” Mae West said, giving Cary Grant his comeuppance. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1870 "2014-04-13T22:49:28Z")
“What? You want me to shorten this dress and drive this horse and buggy at the same time?” Mary hemmed and hawed. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1871 "2014-04-13T22:54:55Z")
“I wish you’d quit mooching cigarettes off me” said Tom, fagged out. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1872 "2014-04-13T22:58:23Z")
“What a good boy am I” said Jack with aplomb. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1873 "2014-04-13T23:21:12Z")
“I don’t give a damn about security systems…stick 'em up” said Tom, mugging for the camera. ---
**Author:** ![Harg\_Fargusen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Harg\_Fargusen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harg_Fargusen)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1874 "2014-04-13T23:33:36Z")
“I’m the drummer. My name’s Tom,” Tom said eponymously. ---
**Author:** ![Waymore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Waymore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waymore)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1875 "2014-04-14T01:13:41Z")
“I’m a great archer,” Tom said boastfully. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1876 "2014-04-14T02:22:43Z")
“I have a plentiful supply of arrows” Tom said with a quiver. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1877 "2014-04-14T02:26:05Z")
“I’m naming my baby boy Curtis” said Mrs. Mayfield, making a good first impression. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1878 "2014-04-14T02:32:44Z")
“Before we start the next recording, Gus, let’s smoke some more weed” said Elton with high dudgeon. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1879 "2014-04-14T08:54:52Z")
“Let’s open the drapes to let some sunshine in,” Tom beamed. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2014, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1880 "2014-04-14T12:38:54Z")
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