# Tom Swifties! **URL:** \ **Category:** Thread Games\ **Created:** [July 10, 2013, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095 "2013-07-10T01:10:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 97
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1921 "2014-04-16T01:57:07Z")
“I’ve got Jim Beam Black Label, Wild Turkey, and Jack Daniels. What’s your favorite?” asked Tom, spiritedly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1922 "2014-04-16T03:10:22Z")
“See, Johnny…7 take away 4 is 3,” said Tom, teaching his son a lesson. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1923 "2014-04-16T03:14:15Z")
“If the arrow goes into the red, it means your car’s engine is overheating” said Tom engagingly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1924 "2014-04-16T03:16:57Z")
“Wait a minute while I put on this condom” said Tom, with things clearly going over his head. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1925 "2014-04-16T03:54:09Z")
“Read my lips,” said Sharon Stone to Michael Douglas. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1926 "2014-04-16T04:55:18Z")
“You really need an Altoid or something similar” Mary asserted. “OK…happy now?” Tom said breathlessly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1927 "2014-04-16T04:58:45Z")
“My will must stipulate that my estate is to be divided among my sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters” said Tom, putting on heirs. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1928 "2014-04-16T05:07:24Z")
“I identify for the most part with actors rather than film directors” said Tom, more hurt than angered. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1929 "2014-04-16T10:36:11Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “My will must stipulate that my estate is to be divided among my sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters” said Tom, putting on heirs. That really should’ve said: "My will must stipulate that my estate is to be divided among my sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters **– haha, just kidding, I’m flat broke!"** said Tom, putting on heirs. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1930 "2014-04-16T13:25:46Z")
Agree — your version is better. “It would be laughable to give a gratuity for such terrible service” said Top tipsily. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1931 "2014-04-16T13:28:03Z")
“Is it just me, or is it very warm in here?” said Tom haughtily. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1932 "2014-04-16T13:29:17Z")
“Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, giving his all. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1933 "2014-04-16T14:12:50Z")
> [@DChord568](#): > > “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, giving his all. “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, boldly. “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, cheerily. “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, tidily. “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, though it wasn’t his biz-ness. “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, though he had nothing to gain. “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, before he was whisked away. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1934 "2014-04-16T14:15:57Z")
“Sorry, you can’t borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, dashing his friend’s hopes. “Sorry, you can’t borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, as a miser often does. “I’d let you borrow my laundry detergent, but I just used the last of it” said Tom. It was the end of an era. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1935 "2014-04-16T14:25:51Z")
“I can send this newsletter to my constituents without affixing any postage” the congressman said frankly. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1936 "2014-04-16T14:45:08Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, boldly. > > “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, cheerily. > > “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, tidily. > > “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, though it wasn’t his biz-ness. > > “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, though he had nothing to gain. > > “Sure, you can borrow my laundry detergent” said Tom, before he was whisked away. > > 😃 “Sure you can borrow my laundry detergent, but then there won’t be any left for me,” said Tom, fabulously. One for the northeast coast “Did you expect this type of weather on April 16th?” asked Tom, icily. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1937 "2014-04-16T15:25:38Z")
“Tell me about the Dog Star,” said Tom seriously. “I’ve got nothing to say about Orion,” Tom said nebulously. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1938 "2014-04-16T15:25:45Z")
“Pass me that spliff,” Tom said bluntly. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1939 "2014-04-16T15:59:27Z")
“Before I sign off on this new swimsuit design, will you promise you can get Ms. Upton to model it?” Tom prevaricated. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095/1940 "2014-04-16T16:00:44Z")
“I’m through trying to find a taxi in this town” Tom exhaled. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=96) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/663095.md?page=98)