# Tom Swifties **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 1999, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513 "1999-09-02T07:19:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/41 "1999-09-03T19:58:00Z")
UncaStuart, you rock at this! “This angle is too small.” He said acutely. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 1999, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/42 "1999-09-03T20:13:00Z")
“The dry ice is a nice touch,” he said sublimely. Get it? ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 1999, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/43 "1999-09-04T00:22:00Z")
“These Tom Swifties sure are lame” I remarked, haltingly. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_Bowe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@Doug\_Bowe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_Bowe)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 1999, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/44 "1999-09-04T03:05:00Z")
“This was my first time, too.” he whispered infectiously. ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 1999, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/45 "1999-09-04T04:52:00Z")
“This is my first time running a church,” he said pastorally. “Get that damn bunny off my lawn!” he said rabidly. ---
**Author:** ![Wordsmith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/47e85d/32.png) [@Wordsmith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wordsmith)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 1999, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/46 "1999-09-04T16:30:00Z")
“We’re under the church now,” he said cryptically. “Help! I’m trapped beneath this lemonade stall!” he said understandingly. “I prefer Captain Picard,” he said baldly. “On second thought, Kirk is better,” he said stutteringly. “I’ve gotta see the latest items on E-Bay,” he said morbidly. “So then he said cryptically, ‘We’re under the church now!’” said Tom swiftly. “Sorry, that last one sucked. I couldn’t help it,” said Wordsmith lamely. * * * Wordsmith: One of the elite few who knows that George Herbert Walker Bush was a Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 1999, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/47 "1999-09-05T00:35:00Z")
“I want those insects kept warm,” Tom said non-chill-ant-ly. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 1999, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/48 "1999-09-05T04:40:00Z")
“that is not the right way to slice tomatoes,” the chef said cuttingly. (had to get one in from the kitchen.) “Souffles are my favorite dessert,” he said airily. “I am setting fire to this male insect,” he said flamboyantly. * * * Live a Lush Life Da Chef ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 1999, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/49 "1999-09-06T04:39:00Z")
“Take the prisoners downstairs”, said Tom condescendingly. ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 1999, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/50 "1999-09-06T18:13:00Z")
## “What do we call the first decade of the new millenium?” he asked naughtily? “non sunt multiplicanda entia praeter necessitatem” – William of Ockham ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 1999, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/51 "1999-09-06T21:33:00Z")
“The Viagra isn’t working” Tom whispered softly. “I’ve completed my Jedi training” Tom stated forcefully. “Didn’t Harrelson play that role?” Tom asked woodenly. “You’ll eventually see that Whites are superior” Tom said clandestinely. “You’re such a goody-two-shoes” Tom said adamantly. “Mary Ann’s okay, but I prefer redheads” Tom said gingerly. “Turn off that awful radio station” Tom said sternly. “This detergent really works well” Tom remarked cheerfully. “They crashed into a truck delivering windows” Tom said painfully. “We’ll all be using Windows 2000” Tom said systematically. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 1999, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/52 "1999-09-07T13:24:00Z")
“What we need is a man who can hit 60 home runs a year!” said Tom ruthlessly . . . ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/53 "1999-09-08T01:41:00Z")
“I forgot what I wanted from the grocery store,” she said listlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/54 "1999-09-08T03:33:00Z")
“I just bought the latest _Straight Dope_ book!” Tom cried triumphantly. ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 1999, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513/55 "1999-09-08T12:54:00Z")
“Foreigner is my favorite band ever!” Tom yelled urgently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tom-swifties/7513.md?page=2)