# Tommy Franks: You did \*not\* say that! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 13, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480 "2003-04-13T18:43:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/21 "2003-04-14T12:59:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rysdad \* > \*\*“I tell you, that’s an ex-patriot!” \*\* Isn’t that the same thing said about Drew Bledsoe? ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/22 "2003-04-14T13:06:16Z")
Saddam (Two Sheds) Hussein ---
**Author:** ![Gazelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/23 "2003-04-14T13:16:27Z")
Isn’t it spelled expatriate? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/24 "2003-04-14T13:38:15Z")
Sadam has learned the first lesson in how not to be seen. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/25 "2003-04-14T14:01:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gazelle from Hell \* > \*\*Isn’t it spelled expatriate? \*\* It’s a pun, dear. The most dreadful of all types of humour. My advice is that when they get like this, just quietly walk away. You may shake your head if you wish. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/26 "2003-04-14T14:21:23Z")
Look! I didn’t come in here to be insulted! I came to have an argument! ---
**Author:** ![Cyrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Cyrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyrin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/27 "2003-04-14T14:24:56Z")
Voom? Mate, this regime wouldn’t voom if you put 4 million volts through it! ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/28 "2003-04-14T15:31:29Z")
> [@](#): > > … A man with chemical weapons up his nose. I laughed so hard I coughed up a lung! Someone call 911, please… The Larch! ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/29 "2003-04-14T16:14:46Z")
“It’s not much of a regime, is it?” “Finest in the Middle East.” “Explain the logic underlying that conclusion.” “Well, it’s so clean, sir.” “It’s certainly uncontaminated by Iraqi dictators.” ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/30 "2003-04-14T17:02:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LurkMeister \* > \*\*Well, I’d better replace it then. \*\* Aye, there’s the rub. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/31 "2003-04-14T17:07:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\*Look! I didn’t come in here to be insulted! I came to have an argument! \*\* Did not. ---
**Author:** ![Cyrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Cyrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyrin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/32 "2003-04-14T17:09:28Z")
“Have you in fact got any dictators here at all?” “Yes sir!” “Really?” “No. Not really sir.” “You haven’t” “Nosir, not one. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.” “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to shoot you!” “Right-o” _BAM_ “What a _senseless_ waste of human life” ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/33 "2003-04-14T19:45:48Z")
BBC reporter: The crowd has pulled down the statue, with the Marines’ help, and… yes, they’ve CUT ITS HEAD OFF! Info Minister al-Sahaf: It’s just a flesh wound. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/34 "2003-04-14T21:00:12Z")
It’s spelled “Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf” but it’s pronounced “Throatwarbler Mangrove.” ---
**Author:** ![beckwall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b487fb/32.png) [@beckwall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beckwall)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/35 "2003-04-14T22:44:23Z")
I’m feeling a big peckish for some cheesey commestibles. Do you have any Basra cheddar? Not at the moment. Well, then, how about some Tikrit munster? Not much call for that around these parts. I’d settle for some good Kuwait Stilton, if you please. Now, you know we’re in Iraq! It’s simply not possible. (slinks away, dreaming of Syrian camel curd) ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/36 "2003-04-15T01:36:57Z")
This is getting too silly! ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/37 "2003-04-15T03:21:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by beckwall \* > \*\*I’m feeling a big peckish for some cheesey commestibles. Do you have any Basra cheddar? > > Not at the moment. > > Well, then, how about some Tikrit munster? > > Not much call for that around these parts. > > I’d settle for some good Kuwait Stilton, if you please. > > Now, you know we’re in Iraq! It’s simply not possible. > > (slinks away, dreaming of Syrian camel curd) \*\* Have you got anything without spam? ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/38 "2003-04-15T03:43:49Z")
How can you have Saddam, Ex-Parrot, Spam and Bacon without the spam? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/39 "2003-04-15T04:33:32Z")
[Shortly after dawn. Three bedraggled, traumatized, exhausted Iraqi regular-army soldiers report to the only officers they can find – a captain and colonel of the Elite Republican Guard.] SOLDIERS: “Sir!” ELITE REPUBLICAN GUARD CAPTAIN: [distractedly, reluctantly looks up from the colonel he was attending to] “Yes?” FIRST SOLDIER: “Sir, … well, we’re the only ones left from our battalion, sir! We attacked the American tanks and personnel carriers in one human wave attack after another, all night long, but it was all in vain! All but us three were martyred! What shall we do?” ERG CAPTAIN: “Well, you see, boys, I have a rather pressing crisis to attend to _here_, if you don’t mind… You see, the esteemed Colonel here has a rather nasty nosebleed…” SOLDIERS [in unison]: “Oh, beg pardon, sir!” “Didn’t notice, sir!” “I apologize, sir, for interrupting!” \*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\*\* IRAQI SCIENTIST: [gingerly handling a sheet of paper at arm’s length] “Aha, this ought to do it. Yes, I do believe we’ve done it! Victory will be ours at last!” ARMY GENERAL: “What are you talking about? What have you got there?” SCIENTIST: “The _funniest joke ever written_… whoever reads it will surely die laughing…” ``` ****** ``` ---
**Author:** ![Shemem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Shemem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shemem)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480/40 "2003-04-15T05:08:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by beckwall \* > \*\*I’m feeling a big peckish for some cheesey commestibles. Do you have any Basra cheddar? > > Not at the moment. > > Well, then, how about some Tikrit munster? > > Not much call for that around these parts. > > I’d settle for some good Kuwait Stilton, if you please. > > Now, you know we’re in Iraq! It’s simply not possible. > > (slinks away, dreaming of Syrian camel curd) \*\* Would you settle for Kurds? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tommy-franks-you-did-not-say-that/168480.md?page=3)