# Tomorrow may mark the end of my marriage. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 9, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831 "2004-11-09T14:06:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![quilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/839c29/32.png) [@quilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quilter)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/201 "2004-11-12T02:23:34Z")
_quilter wanders by, a bag in each hand. One holds the current handwork – Grandmother’s Flower Garden patches at the “interesting someday but not yet so keep trudging forward” stage. The other bag has… oh, lookee this! Phish Food. Cherry Garcia. Everything But The… and New York Super Chunk._ Just happened to be in the neighborhood, after following the plot from afar, and thought I’d add my support. Looks like the porch is full, but if it’s okay I’ll just spread a quilt out on the lawn over here… ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/202 "2004-11-12T02:26:04Z")
Hey,\*\* quilter\*\*, come and have a brownie! ---
**Author:** ![quilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/839c29/32.png) [@quilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quilter)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/203 "2004-11-12T02:32:01Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Hey,\*\* quilter\*\*, come and have a brownie! Thanks, **Kythereia** , I will! Warm brownies with ice cream are one of my favorite indulgences. Is there some hot fudge or warm caramel sauce or Chambord to go over? Nuts? Whipped cream? Not that it’s necessary, of course… but if anyone was making a grocery-store run… ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/204 "2004-11-12T02:40:35Z")
> [@quilter](#): > > Thanks, **Kythereia** , I will! Warm brownies with ice cream are one of my favorite indulgences. Is there some hot fudge or warm caramel sauce or Chambord to go over? Nuts? Whipped cream? > > Not that it’s necessary, of course… but if anyone was making a grocery-store run… _has returned from grocery run with hot fudge, warm caramel sauce, Chambord, nuts, and whipped cream_ You rang? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/205 "2004-11-12T02:45:33Z")
Sorry I’m late!!! I was busy making candy pie. Least, that’s what we always called it. Graham cracker crust, walnuts, coconut shavings, condensed milk, and chocolate chips. Bake the $#!t out of it for however many minutes you like. It’s “Diabetes In A Pan![sup]TM[/sup]” Hope Helen’s okay… I’ll sit over here away from the non-smokers and puff my pipe in a sage and thoughful manner. I am definitely not sitting here hoping that Helen’s husband got hit by a bus. It’s against board rules. Oh, and I brought three big cans of Hawaiian Punch for the non-drinkers. They’re in the cooler. ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/206 "2004-11-12T02:50:46Z")
Shouldn’t we be having a singalong or something? Pass the time? I mean, lives are hanging in the balance. Don’t we at least owe them a serenade? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/207 "2004-11-12T02:52:23Z")
:::Breaks out a guitar:::: What should we sing? ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/208 "2004-11-12T03:02:45Z")
_Hit the road Jack, And don’tcha come back no more no more no more no more Hit the road, Jack, and don’tcha come back no moooorrrre…_ ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/209 "2004-11-12T03:09:34Z")
I think there might be a Nancy Sinatra ditty that might be appropriate for the situation. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/210 "2004-11-12T04:28:05Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Hey everyone, I made pierogies! Who wants some? _sniffs the air_ Pierogies? You are truly evil. > [@Dante](#): > > Sorry I’m late!!! I was busy making candy pie. Least, that’s what we always called it. Graham cracker crust, walnuts, coconut shavings, condensed milk, and chocolate chips. Bake the $#!t out of it for however many minutes you like. > > It’s “Diabetes In A Pan!TM” And if lowcarbers end up running the show in the hereafter, _you_ are going straight to Atkins hell! Prepare for my zero-carb sausage pitchfork, you tempter! _mopes to a corner, sips her sugarfree Tang and sighs_ ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/211 "2004-11-12T05:52:52Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > _Hit the road Jack, > And don’tcha come back no more no more no more no more > Hit the road, Jack, and don’tcha come back no moooorrrre…_ _ **WHAT YOU SAY!!!** _ ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/212 "2004-11-12T06:13:21Z")
> [@MrFantsyPants](#): > > I think there might be a Nancy Sinatra ditty that might be appropriate for the situation. \*"You keep playing where you shouldn’t be playing And you keep thinking that you’ll never get burnt (HAH) Well, I’ve just found me a brand new box of matches, yeah… and what he knows you ain’t had time to learn"\* 😉 ---
**Author:** ![HelenTroy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helentroy/32/86_2.png) [@HelenTroy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenTroy)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/213 "2004-11-12T13:09:30Z")
Hey, it’s a Hootananny! Thank goodness I have a huge porch and a parking lot across the street for all the extra cars. Did someone mention fudge? Yes, as you may have realized, I was off work yesterday for the holiday. So here is my tale. Keep with me until the end. First, he apologized for having me think he was choosing between the 2 of us. He said that was never an option, he just needed to get his head straight about the next steps. He then said I needed to hear something. He called the bar where she works and put her on speakerphone. He told her, “I need you to know that my loyalty and responsibility is to my wife. I have made a terrible mess of my marriage and I need to fix it. I will take care of this child, but there is no way we have a future and any discussions we have will involve my wife and our lawyer.” That was pretty much verbatum. Now, mixed in, was some colorful conversation on her part, but he pushed right ahead. When it was over, he asked when he could come back. I said, " For now, you can’t." I will not lie and say this call didn’t have an affect on me. It did. I told him there were some conditions I needed him to follow before we could even talk reconciliation. First, counseling, to begin immediately and continue as long as necessary. Second, he is moving out of his brother’s bachelor pad and in with his sister’s family. Third, we will contact our lawyer to get some official paperwork sent to this woman about how her only contact will be through our lawyer. Fourth, everything that has been set in motion at this point will continue. The custody papers will be filed, the support hearing will be held, and I will finalize my part of the divorce papers. I will not file for divorce yet, pending the outcome of counseling and a cooling off period. Fifth, he gets a complete physical work-up and checked out for any possible other consequences of this lovely affair. Lastly, we will spend one night a week, other than counseling, as a couple doing things together to see if there is still a partnership to build on. He agreed to everything I said, and we talked for a long time. So, it is not the tidy ending I expected, but I can live with this. I feel like I have more control and he understands that for there to even be a consideration of a chance, a lot has to be done. Some of you may think I’m crazy for even giving this much, but that’s what the counseling is for. I am not willing to be a martyr for my marriage, but I will see if there is anything left before I file for divorce. I don’t feel like I am chasing him or desperately holding on. If after this we still get divorced, I can go forward knowing I did everything possible, but I didn’t allow him to walk all over me. Thank you again for all the kind words and support. You all will never know how helpful it was and how much I needed it. I was always a little intimidated to post, so mostly lurked, but I will be sure to speak up more often. This is the best random group of people I’ve ever seen pull together for a stranger. I hope that I can do the same for all of you some day. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/214 "2004-11-12T13:13:30Z")
> [@MrFantsyPants](#): > > Shouldn’t we be having a singalong or something? Pass the time? I mean, lives are hanging in the balance. Don’t we at least owe them a serenade? > [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > :::Breaks out a guitar:::: > > What should we sing? **From Page 4** > [@Salem](#): > > ::swishes in with folk guitar:: > > Kumbaya my lord, kumba- Geez, I get no respect, and in the Pit, too. How many roads must a (wo)man walk down? Still sending positive thoughts to **Helen** for a satisfactory outcome, whatever it is. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/215 "2004-11-12T13:28:08Z")
Helen, you are mighty. And so are the rest of you. Would y’all mind getting a little closer together? _whips out the camera_ ---
**Author:** ![Mithril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mithril/32/3517_2.png) [@Mithril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithril)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/216 "2004-11-12T13:33:00Z")
Good job, **HelenTroy**. Now keep that going, and never let him walk all over you again. Best of luck with everything! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/217 "2004-11-12T13:40:34Z")
Hmm, promising start indeed. Stick to your guns on this one; don’t let him budge you from what you laid out as conditions. I wish you all the best, and the continued strength you’ll need to make it through this. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/218 "2004-11-12T13:47:38Z")
> [@quilter](#): > > _quilter wanders by, a bag in each hand. One holds the current handwork – Grandmother’s Flower Garden patches at the “interesting someday but not yet so keep trudging forward” stage. The other bag has… oh, lookee this! Phish Food. Cherry Garcia. Everything But The… and New York Super Chunk._ > > Just happened to be in the neighborhood, after following the plot from afar, and thought I’d add my support. Looks like the porch is full, but if it’s okay I’ll just spread a quilt out on the lawn over here… Hey! Can you teach me to cut and piece a Log Cabin quilt? Oh, wait…is the party over? **Helen** , you kick ass. Seriously. I think you’re a strong and capable woman, and you know exactly what you’re doing. Good for you. You have more support here than you’ll know what to do with:). Ava ---
**Author:** ![Balduran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cc9497/32.png) [@Balduran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balduran)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/219 "2004-11-12T13:47:54Z")
I also think this is a good move **Helen**. Couples have recovered from things like this before and if he’s sincere, and you can find your love for him again, maybe you can too. But, it’s good that you have the power, he knows he is on double secret probation and you are not afraid to get a divorce. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/220 "2004-11-12T13:50:19Z")
**Helen** , sounds like it’s a good start. Like others have said, you’ve shown yourself to be a strong woman, and I hope things work as best they can for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831.md?page=12)