# Tomorrow may mark the end of my marriage. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 9, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831 "2004-11-09T14:06:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/221 "2004-11-12T13:50:48Z")
I’m so impressed by your strength of character. Well done Helen. Hang in there, and I hope life gets a whole lot better and happier for you in the not-too-distant future. ---
**Author:** ![Balduran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cc9497/32.png) [@Balduran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balduran)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/222 "2004-11-12T13:50:56Z")
I’d like to add, I think you are going to be a real asset to this board and look forward to reading your posts in the future. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/223 "2004-11-12T13:51:08Z")
You’re an incredible woman, and wonderfully strong. I will be pulling for you and your family! At the very least, it’s great to know that someone as “together” and sensible as you will be contributing to the boards more! Now, then, someone pass me the coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/224 "2004-11-12T13:59:20Z")
I’ve lurked in this thread from the beginning. I just wanted to tell you **Helen** , that I think you are very wise and I admire you for your strength in this situation. I’m not sure I could have done the same. Good luck to you. Did anyone notice that almost the same situation was on Dr. Phil yesterday? Pregnant mistress and everything! Too weird… ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/225 "2004-11-12T14:01:24Z")
I hope everything works out for you. I hope you and your child will have the home you deserve. I am concerned about you. I hope that you don’t let him do this to you again. It’s a terrible thing to happen the first time. ---
**Author:** ![HelenTroy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helentroy/32/86_2.png) [@HelenTroy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenTroy)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/226 "2004-11-12T14:02:29Z")
> [@Dolores Reborn](#): > > Did anyone notice that almost the same situation was on Dr. Phil yesterday? Pregnant mistress and everything! Too weird… Dear god, I am NOT a Dr. Phil case, but at least it isn’t Springer. Although, I did have an urge to take off my high heeled shoes and hand my earrings to my friend. Oh don’t look at me like that! You know what I’m talking about. ---
**Author:** ![HelenTroy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helentroy/32/86_2.png) [@HelenTroy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenTroy)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/227 "2004-11-12T14:07:39Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > I am concerned about you. I hope that you don’t let him do this to you again. It’s a terrible thing to happen the first time. I understand the feeling. I guess why it feels a little differently now is because I’m not actually back in it yet. Right now I am just looking to be convinced that he is sincere. If that happens, then we can talk about moving forward. If not, I already have “all my ducks in a row”. I’m not scrapping everything based on false hope. My daughter gets to see more of her father, and we see if there is any reason to keep working. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/228 "2004-11-12T14:16:22Z")
Wow. **Helen** , your level-headedness and strength throughout this situation has been truly admirable. Who says the party has to be over? It’s Friday! Let’s celebrate **Helen’s** strength! ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/229 "2004-11-12T14:18:12Z")
The speakerphone thing would have impressed me, too, in your shoes. It shows he’s been doing some thinking, not only about the decision he has to make, but about doing things on the up and up. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/230 "2004-11-12T14:18:48Z")
Good for you, Helen. It sounds like you’ve got your bases covered and are moving from a position of strength. I’m so impressed with your levelheadedness about this. Your husband is a lucky man. He appears to be showing some character at this point - obviously you wouldn’t have been married to him if he didn’t have some truly wonderful qualities. I’ve read that, really, a divorce is something that should be planned when you can do so unemotionally. Getting a divorce when there’s still a lot of anger can just prolong the agony. When my Hubby and I were having a lot of problems (we’ve been married for 16 years now & there have been a couple of very rough spots) one book that I found helpful was _Divorce Busting_ by Michele Weiner-Davis. Damn if I didn’t recognize myself over & over again. Good luck to you! & stick around, we have great parties, eh? ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/231 "2004-11-12T14:21:21Z")
I think he made an honest effort to save his marriage. Not just words, but actions. Good luck with the counseling. Remember, **you did nothing wrong**. He has a lot to do to make things up. Do not let him ever make you feel less than you are. And maybe I’m a bit paranoid, but a restraining order against Slut Woman may not be a bad thing to consider (Shades of Glenn Close in _Fatal Attraction_ and all…) Hey! No one leaves without helping to clean up! _ivylass passes out garbage bags and starts stacking plates in the dishwasher_… ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/232 "2004-11-12T14:22:32Z")
Whatever you do, do not let him know about this board! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/233 "2004-11-12T14:25:50Z")
**Helen** I just want to say that you are awesome. I’m so very impressed by how you’re handling this. Good luck, whatever the outcome. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/234 "2004-11-12T14:29:31Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > I think he made an honest effort to save his marriage. Not just words, but actions. > > Good luck with the counseling. Remember, **you did nothing wrong**. He has a lot to do to make things up. Do not let him ever make you feel less than you are. > > And maybe I’m a bit paranoid, but a restraining order against Slut Woman may not be a bad thing to consider (Shades of Glenn Close in _Fatal Attraction_ and all…) > > Hey! No one leaves without helping to clean up! _ivylass passes out garbage bags and starts stacking plates in the dishwasher_… Oh…thsorry…I ha’ a _lit’le_ too mussshhh Boone’s Farm. _holds fingers together_ Ca’I borra tha’ bag? _sheepishly_…sorry to do that at your party, **Helen.** Can we have a happy party tomorrow? Maybe a “Helen Kicks Ass” party? Ava ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/235 "2004-11-12T14:29:36Z")
Good for you, Helen. I think you have found a good way through this mess. And perhaps your husband has finally started to see the error of his ways. Something few of us thought would happen. It doesn’t mean he get a free pass. He has lots of hard work ahead of him, but perhaps there may be a happy ending for the three of you together. If you decide to move forward with him, spend some time with the counsellor learning to communicate about both of your needs, perhaps he saw signs that he would do something stupid before he did, but didn’t know how to talk it through. Best of luck, stay strong, and let us know how things are going. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/236 "2004-11-12T14:40:51Z")
Wow Helen you are amazing, I salute you. You are taking a stand yet not closing the door 100%. He now knows what he has to do to earn a chance of getting your trust back (it can be done but it takes time, btdt) . The ball is in his court, he knows what the rules are. I hope he has learned from how close he has come to losing a wonderful woman (that would be YOU) and doesn’t commit another foul. Really smart to go ahead with the legal parts of this for yourself and your daughter. You may never have to file for that final decree but … ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/237 "2004-11-12T14:51:22Z")
Aww Man! I can’t find my keys. Everybody! look around on the lawn for a set of keys for me will you? Helen, keep fighting for the good side. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/238 "2004-11-12T14:51:46Z")
> [@Salem](#): > > Geez, I get no respect, and in the Pit, too. How many roads must a (wo)man walk down? There, there. I know how you feel. Nobody appreciates a good folk song anymore. _hugs and all_ **Helen** , you are an inspiration to those of us who appreciate our marriage vows. What your husband did to you was wrong on so many levels, but you have shown a strength of character in the face of ultimate betrayal that is admirable. Perhaps if more married people would do as you were doing, divorce would not be considered the “only” option and, hence, end up being less prevalent. I sincerely hope that as **Inigo** pointed out, this turns out to be a momentary lapse in judgment and your husband learns the error of his ways. May your marriage grow stronger because you survived it. Good luck to you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/239 "2004-11-12T14:55:38Z")
> [@](#): > > Some of you may think I’m crazy for even giving this much, but that’s what the counseling is for. I am not willing to be a martyr for my marriage, but I will see if there is anything left before I file for divorce. Nope, not at all. I think you handled yourself expertly, and your husband turned out to be less of a cad than he initially sounded like. Just make sure to stand your ground and not to forget about any of the conditions you placed on reconciliation. One last thing…when the “other woman” has her child, make sure to get genetic testing prior to signing legal documents and agreeing to anything. THere are hundreds of firms out there offering just this service for paternity. Sam ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2004, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/240 "2004-11-12T15:00:06Z")
> [@GaWd](#): > > One last thing…when the “other woman” has her child, make sure to get genetic testing prior to signing legal documents and agreeing to anything. THere are hundreds of firms out there offering just this service for paternity. > > Sam Or you can go on the Maury Povich show, and have it done for free!! (I kid! I kid!) ::d&r:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831.md?page=13)