# Tomorrow may mark the end of my marriage. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 9, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831 "2004-11-09T14:06:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/401 "2004-11-16T17:28:17Z")
Helen, I’m glad it happened so fast, honestly. He could have strung you along just long enough to have you continue the support hearing and have obtained a lawyer who would have smacked you with some godforsaken motion just as easily. Unfortunately, the below quote worries me- > [@HelenTroy](#): > > Let the goat-felching begin! That mother fucker has no idea who he married. I may have been Miss Betty Sunshine when we were together, but that was before he tried to fuck with me and my child. He has not experienced misery until he gets what is in store for him. This divorce is now going to be a nightmare. I will drag it out until he has nothing, and I am going to protect my daughter from this sociopath with everything I have. If the other woman takes him back, I hope she makes a shitload of tips, because they’ll need the money. Quit your job? I’ll track you to the new one. Get behind in payments? I’ll have your license taken away. Try to skip out? I’ll have you thrown in jail. You’re life is mine, you bastard. I’m not a lawyer. I do, however, work for a divorce lawfirm. I see statements like the above all the time, and in the end when the couple has duked it out for years, they’re both broke, have bills out the wazoo, and their kid is so screwed up that no amount of therapy helps. Don’t be like that. It’s not worth it. Of course, for all I know, you’re over the anger part of this and into the ‘defend the life of myself and my child’ mode, which is ten times better than using the law as a weapon against your scummy husband. I feel bad for assuming the worst about your intentions, as you have proven yourself to be monumentally level-headed. The unfortunate side-effect of working in my position, however, is that I get to see many level-headed and supremely good people get taken over by their grief, and hatred. Either way, I feel for you and your baby. I wish nothing but the best for you two. Sam ---
**Author:** ![HelenTroy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helentroy/32/86_2.png) [@HelenTroy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenTroy)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/402 "2004-11-16T17:31:22Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Hear hear. > > So, **Helen** , what’s going on with you? When’s the next meeting with your lawyer? How are you handling things with your daughter when she asks where Daddy is? Anyone with a 3 yeard old as bright as mine (although they must be rare) knows how astute they are. Until this weekend and his 2 days “to think” he was coming over every night and putting her to bed. She understands that routine. I just sit with her and rub her face, while saying everything will be OK, because it will. Lastly, I would like to reiterate that I won’t be discussing anymore legal matters. I feel I am operating from a very good position legally and I would hate to ruin that. Some day in the future when this all gets settled, I promise to open a new thread to detail the outcome. Wish me luck! ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/403 "2004-11-16T17:42:29Z")
> [@Mynn](#): > > Call your lawyer now, then. > > I see no reason not to change the locks - even if it is his property, if they are in the stage of a legal separation, it’s not something unreasonable to do. She has no way of knowing who else might have that key, given the amount of lying that has come from his LCB brain. Bad idea until/unless the courts have conveyed sole property control of the house to Helen first. I would still change all of the locks when that happens, but it is best to wait, rather than risk the ire of a family law judge. Sam ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/404 "2004-11-16T17:49:55Z")
> [@HelenTroy](#): > > Lastly, I would like to reiterate that I won’t be discussing anymore legal matters. I feel I am operating from a very good position legally and I would hate to ruin that. Some day in the future when this all gets settled, I promise to open a new thread to detail the outcome. Wish me luck! Luck, my dear. But, you aren’t going away, are you? I’m sure there are other things you can post about…for crying out loud, you have an intelligent three year old! I’m sure her observations on life are worth six or seven threads right there! ---
**Author:** ![HelenTroy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helentroy/32/86_2.png) [@HelenTroy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenTroy)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/405 "2004-11-16T17:59:59Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > But, you aren’t going away, are you? I’m sure there are other things you can post about…for crying out loud, you have an intelligent three year old! I’m sure her observations on life are worth six or seven threads right there! Nope, you all are stuck with me. After my historically warm reception in the Pit, I feel I’ve found a home. Hey! You kids get your feet off the coffee table and hang up your jackets! ---
**Author:** ![Merejane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@Merejane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merejane)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/406 "2004-11-16T18:08:52Z")
I know this is going off on a tangent, but one part of this amazing saga that piqued my curiosity is the set-up phone call, where soon-to-be-ex told the other woman that he was calling off their affair. Specifically, I’m wondering who the heck he was talking to, and how in the world did he arrange it? I mean, why would any woman agree to play that role? The only thing I could come up with is that he paid this person to pretend she was his lover. Or am I missing something obvious? Anyway, I join in all the expressions of support here. What your husband did is mind-boggling, and you, HelenTroy, are amazing. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/407 "2004-11-16T18:14:12Z")
Yeah, the second girlfriend. The one who thinks the wife and first girlfriend are putz’s and is more than happy to sleep with a married guy for kicks and play games like this. (I don’t know that, but I’ve met women like this). ---
**Author:** ![Satyagrahi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f475e1/32.png) [@Satyagrahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satyagrahi)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/408 "2004-11-16T18:14:46Z")
> [@Merejane](#): > > The only thing I could come up with is that he paid this person to pretend she was his lover. Or am I missing something obvious? Or perhaps he had gotten involved with yet another woman and was truly breaking it off with her? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/409 "2004-11-16T18:26:32Z")
That’s the first thing I thought: “third girlfriend.” Or perhaps more likely, the _original_ second girlfriend, with the current other woman being the third. So he may have been calling somebody he previously porked but with whom the fire had faded even though he may not have officially broken up. You don’t have to risk a setup person playing their part poorly, and you get honest confusion on the other end, even if the confusion comes from “why is this guy calling me now and yelling at me now after six months” instead of the immediate breakup confusion. ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/410 "2004-11-16T19:12:32Z")
Sam, IANAL, but if she needs to make a case for her safety, it’s a reasonable precaution. From what little I’ve seen of him from what she has presented, especially the appearance of needing to be in control, her and her child’s safety may well be in jepoardy. I did preface it with check with her lawyer, but it is something that should be high on her priority list right about now - though if he is that violent lock changing won’t do much. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/411 "2004-11-16T19:25:33Z")
> [@Mynn](#): > > Sam, IANAL, but if she needs to make a case for her safety, it’s a reasonable precaution. From what little I’ve seen of him from what she has presented, especially the appearance of needing to be in control, her and her child’s safety may well be in jepoardy. > > I did preface it with check with her lawyer, but it is something that should be high on her priority list right about now - though if he is that violent lock changing won’t do much. Well, she should obviously take her lawyer’s word over a couple idiots on a messageboard 😉 I only said what I said because around here performing a lock-change without any sort of approval from the courts is likely to involve the police and when it finally gets to court, if it was done contrary to any orders it could cause lots of drama. We probably ought to drop the subject though, as neither you or I are lawyers and she won’t be giving us the skinny on the legal side of things until there is some sort of result. 🙂 Sam ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/412 "2004-11-16T19:48:36Z")
And besides all that GaWd hasn’t huggeled me even once in this thread ::pouts:: ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/413 "2004-11-16T19:56:11Z")
> [@Ayesha](#): > > And besides all that GaWd hasn’t huggeled me even once in this thread ::pouts:: ruh-roh! Ayyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! How ya doin sweety? I’ll see you in your thread in a minute… Sam (in the midst of one of those “fuck that scumbag and take everything but the shirt on his back” rants it didn’t seem appropo to throw the above in and hijack) ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/414 "2004-11-16T21:01:41Z")
You know, I don’t post much here in The Pit. Just the occasional bad pun or lame rant here and there. So today I decide to stroll through all the forums to see what’s happening and notice a thread in The Pit with about 9 pages and wonder what’s it all about. After reading this thread from beginning to end, with the love-in around pages 3-4, holding my breath until the uplift around page 5 and such, then that last update on page 6?!?!? :eek: I can honestly say I have never wanted to bite someone so badly in my life. :mad: Good thing I’m harmless. 😉 If it’s not too late, I’d like to add my support to you and yours. Give him hell, **Helen**. What a fucking :wally ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/415 "2004-11-16T21:58:38Z")
Okay, I’m _still_ waiting to hear if Trixie the Bar Whore, or whatever her name is, really is pregnant. According to the phone conversation between her and **Helen** , she at least _thinks_ she is. Sad to think of a little one being brought into this world with so much baggage attached to his or her conception. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/416 "2004-11-16T23:59:07Z")
Holy cow. The things you miss when you don’t check an active thread for a couple of days. I’m so sorry, Helen. But a year from now, you are going to wake up and thank all the gods that be that you got the hell OUT of that marriage. Shoot. I bet it won’t even take a year. {{{Helen}}} ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/417 "2004-11-17T04:02:33Z")
Holy crap, helen, I go away for a few days, and look what I miss. This is why soap operas are so addictive. Good luck with putting his ass through the wringer, show no mercy. He doesn’t deserve it. Despite Buttwad’s protestations, his actions are totally indefensible. I anxiously await your updates, and am hoping the best for you. ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831/418 "2004-11-17T04:10:41Z")
**Helen** , you seem like an intelligent, strong, compassionate woman, and a good mother. I haven’t had time to respond to this thread until now, because I couldn’t finish it all at one time. ~grumbles about school and work~ Of course, it seems like you’ve had enough advice to last you a lifetime, but you can never have too much support. ~hugs to you and your daughter~ You’ll get through this, and we’ll be here to help you the best way we can. Keep us all updated and I’m sending warm thoughts your way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrow-may-mark-the-end-of-my-marriage/273831.md?page=20)