# Tomorrow's headline's you'd like to see **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2000, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133 "2000-08-04T15:57:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/1 "2000-08-04T15:57:41Z")
Here’s a couple I’d like to see: BUSH DEFEATED BY LANDSLIDE! And I saw this somewhere… METEORITE HITS LOTTERY WINNER! ---
**Author:** ![ChrisP\_One\_Kenobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@ChrisP\_One\_Kenobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisP_One_Kenobe)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/2 "2000-08-04T16:05:02Z")
Damn you aha! I wanted the headline to say “CHRISP WINS $25 MILLION IN LOTTERY”! ---
**Author:** ![ticker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@ticker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ticker)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/3 "2000-08-04T16:08:23Z")
QUEEN MOTHER EXPLODES - Doctors say ‘Rest of Royal family in critical condition’ ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/4 "2000-08-04T16:14:06Z")
NSYNC’s Plane Crashes into Britney Spear’s House -No survivors reported. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/5 "2000-08-04T16:21:45Z")
Even better… BUSH CAUGHT IN LANDSLIDE WHEN HIT BY MANURE TRUCK MR ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/6 "2000-08-04T16:34:40Z")
Clinton caught in wild orgy! Gore sick with Dutch Elm Disease! Bush: Yeah, I snorted, so what? Microsoft to be Broken Up! Jesse Jackson: I’m in it to feed my Ego! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/7 "2000-08-04T16:53:35Z")
This just in… Mr. Cynical spotted in zesty threesome with Eve and Shayna! ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/8 "2000-08-04T16:57:58Z")
PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER GEORGE W. BUSH DEVOURED BY BEARS RETAIL BEER PRICES IN FREE FALL DETROIT AUTO MAKERS TO CEASE PRODUCTION OF SUVs REMAINS OF PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER GEORGE W. BUSH WRESTED FROM BEARS BY BUZZARDS ---
**Author:** ![DeathLlama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DeathLlama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeathLlama)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/9 "2000-08-04T17:28:58Z")
VAHERMIT RETURNS REAL MOON, APOLOGIZES (see [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33355](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33355) for further explaination) (BTW, I’m still new here and am not too sure about SDMB ediqute…is it bad to post a link to a thread you started? Not sure, but the headline wouldn’t make any sense unless you’d read the thread. I just don’t want to irk anyone and have to deal with all the comments about goat feltching and family members.) here’s another one I’d really like to see: CA LEGISLATURE AGREES TO TEAR DOWN LOS ANGELES, PLANT SCRUB BRUSH ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/10 "2000-08-04T17:33:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DeathLlama \* > CA LEGISLATURE AGREES TO TEAR DOWN LOS ANGELES, PLANT SCRUB BRUSH Amen! I’d help plant a few. Of course, there is… SAN ANDREAS CUTS LOOSE WITH 9.2 QUAKE ---
**Author:** ![Baglady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Baglady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baglady)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/11 "2000-08-04T17:36:36Z")
AL GORED BY BULL EXCAPING OUT OF BUSH ---
**Author:** ![Baglady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Baglady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baglady)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/12 "2000-08-04T17:38:01Z")
Oops, I meant: AL GORED BY BULL ESCAPING OUT OF BUSH ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/13 "2000-08-04T17:55:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ukulele Ike \* > \*\*PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER GEORGE W. BUSH DEVOURED BY BEARS \*\* I dunno. _This_ bear is a registered republican. Besides, I dislike Al more than George.[/hijack] [ul]A.P. New Mexico **Local Irked Scientist (no degree) invents Practical Antigravity Device.** Stands to make millions, prefers to remain anonymously rich and humble.[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/14 "2000-08-04T18:06:38Z")
“Air Force 2 crashes into White House Power to be transferred to Southern Style in ceremony tomorrow at noon.” * * * Monica Lewinski father’s Chelsea’s baby * * * Prostitution legalized on days containing a vowel * * * SDMB posts to require Smilies (Sorry Chief) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/15 "2000-08-04T18:29:59Z")
JACK BATTY HITS 200 POST MARK - _Typical of Mr. Batty, he forgets to even mention it until his 208th post. Soon after his announcement, Mr. Batty was pummeled to death by rabid anti-post-padding/anti-post-party advocates._ Eh, sue me. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/16 "2000-08-04T19:03:18Z")
GORE LICKS BUSH! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/17 "2000-08-04T19:09:09Z")
Bush is a Republican, hence: BUSH TRAMPLED BY HERD OF WILD ELEPHANTS. O.J. SIMPSON STABBED TO DEATH. KATHY LEE GIFORD DROPS DEAD ON STAGE. SURVIVOR ISLAND SINKS INTO SEA. ---
**Author:** ![Altair\_8800](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4491bb/32.png) [@Altair\_8800](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Altair_8800)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/18 "2000-08-04T19:27:26Z")
GIRL WITH A JEEP BLOWS UP WASHINGTON, D.C.; THREAT OF MICROSOFT BREAKUP REMOVED ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/19 "2000-08-04T19:45:03Z")
PEPSI GIRL DIES OF DIABETES GRUESOME ACCIDENT ON LAST NIGHT’S GRAMMY TELECAST AGUILERA, CAREY, SPEARS KILLED DURING MEDLEY WHEN SPEAR’S IMPLANT EXPLODES WEDDING SHOCKER: AL GORE AND GEORGE W. BUSH MOVE TO VERMONT, MARRY EACH OTHER. NOTHING HAPPENED TODAY, Keith ---
**Author:** ![filthy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@filthy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filthy)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/20 "2000-08-04T20:20:53Z")
ATLANTIC TIDAL WAVE WASHES AWAY EAST COAST! Nothing is left but bare sand in the wake of… NEW VENERAL DISEASE DISCOVERED! Today, President Clinton checked into a local clinic… AL GORE INVENTS INTERNET! (From a tabloid) The Vice President was informally quoted… COCAINE PRICES ON THE RISE! Candidate G. W. Bush vows to investigate… PYTHON DEVOURS PEPSI SPOKESPERSON! While tending her pet… And so forth. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133.md?page=2)