# Tomorrow's headline's you'd like to see **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2000, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133 "2000-08-04T15:57:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Just\_Call\_Me\_Tech-Mex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@Just\_Call\_Me\_Tech-Mex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Call_Me_Tech-Mex)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/41 "2000-08-06T17:39:17Z")
**George Bush’s VP ruled an illegal alien from Canada. Supreme Court says "Close Enough"** ---
**Author:** ![Zeeshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c4cdca/32.png) [@Zeeshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeeshan)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/42 "2000-08-06T18:51:00Z")
Jennifer Love Hewitt gets married to strikingly handsome hunk named Zeeshan. (I wish) ---
**Author:** ![DeathLlama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@DeathLlama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeathLlama)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/43 "2000-08-06T21:51:03Z")
BREEDING AMONG MORONS ON THE DECLINE ---
**Author:** ![Occam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Occam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Occam)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/44 "2000-08-06T22:39:18Z")
‘Survivor’ contestant eats another ‘Survivor’ contestant, activist groups are silent. ---
**Author:** ![Zeeshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c4cdca/32.png) [@Zeeshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeeshan)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/45 "2000-08-07T08:36:58Z")
BUNCH OF IDIOTS GIVEN ONCE IN A LIFETIME CHANCE TO THINK UP NEWSPAPER HEADLINES 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/46 "2000-08-07T12:29:52Z")
GORE CAUGHT JACKING OFF BEHIND BUSH! BUSH IN WILD LUST HOTBED TRYST ORGY WITH OAP! NEW SHOOTING LICENCE APPROVED FOR PARTY POOPERS! TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS BAD FOR YOUR EYES ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/47 "2000-08-07T12:57:06Z")
ANALFABETIMS IS ON TEH RISE DUTCH NATIONAL TEAM WIN THE 2002 WORLD CUP 2 YEARS BEFOREHAND Blatter: “Hey, they deserve it. Might as well settle things right now” NETHERLANDS AND U.S. SIGN A BILATERAL MARIJUANA TRADE AGREEMENT BROADCASTING RAP MUSIC TO BECOME A FELONY Ice T: “Fuck this shit. I’m gonna start a boy band” WORD “EH” ILLEGAL IN CANADA NOW. EH. ---
**Author:** ![Retief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Retief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Retief)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/48 "2000-08-07T13:26:28Z")
GEORGE W BUSH EXECUTED IN TEXAS TODAY For shooting death of his father Governor of Texas refuses clemancy for ex-governor ---
**Author:** ![Lnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/fbc32d/32.png) [@Lnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lnix)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/49 "2000-08-07T16:18:30Z")
PASSPORT REQUIRED TO ENTER FLORIDA - New Jersey residents to be turned away at border ANAHEIM ANGELS WIN WORLD SERIES - All other teams forfeit due to “mystery illness” EMPLOYMENT NO LONGER NECESSARY - Government gives away cash by the truckload ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/50 "2000-08-07T17:08:26Z")
JESSE HELMS DRIVES PICKUP OFF CLIFF Truck lands on Tom DeLay RUSH LIMBAUGH SUFFERS GRAVITATIONAL COLLAPSE Former radio star now rapidly-rotating neutron star SUPREME COURT RULES GAY MARRIAGE LEGAL Eminem says, “Thank God, now I’m free to come out.” DRAINTHELIZARD FOUND DEAD, CORONER RULES TERMINAL STUPIDITY ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/51 "2000-08-07T17:33:32Z")
ORAL ROBERTS RELEASES MINISTRY CD! However people cannot play it because the hole keeps healing up. ---
**Author:** ![Scribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Scribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribe)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2000, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/52 "2000-08-09T03:21:44Z")
Cecil Adams Becomes Omnipotent: God Demands Vote Recount ( 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Zeeshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c4cdca/32.png) [@Zeeshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeeshan)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2000, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133/53 "2000-08-09T19:17:24Z")
NEWEST ENTRY IN THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE WINS BY LANDSLIDE AND GETS DIVORCES JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT TO MARRY SHANNON ELIZABETH _from our special correspondent in washington_ The latest entry by super handsome hunk and the awfully charming and seductive man who is also claimed to be the coolest person on the face of this earth got elected president of the US and he immediatly divorced Jennifer Love Hewitt saying : “I’m to good for ya baby” and got married to elizabeth shannon who he saw and liked in “american pie”.So our gorgeous and handsome hunk who is none other than the doper named **Zeeshan** is currently having hot sex with elizabeth and has ordered the FBI to control the mob of beautiful chicks who are gathered around the white house to get a glimpse of the strikingly handsome and charsimatic dude. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tomorrows-headlines-youd-like-to-see/28133.md?page=2)