# Tony Blair, You Smug Patronising Twat. You Are NOT Fucking Gandalf **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 12, 2004, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596 "2004-04-12T13:39:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Avenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de0a6/32.png) [@Avenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avenger)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/1 "2004-04-12T13:39:23Z")
[Observer Leader](http://observer.guardian.co.uk/iraq/story/0,12239,1189834,00.html) [Blair’s Words](http://observer.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,6903,1189906,00.html) The links above contain President Tony’s latest pearls of wisdom on the World on general. According to Tony, we are officially living in a time of peril, the battle between good and evil is joined. Well, that’s fucking great! Good vs Evil. What a terrific world view. And you’re in charge? We voted for you as the best person to be in charge of the _whole_ country? I mean, I remember doing it, just at the time I remember some stuff about education, a bit about the economy, it’s probably my fault, but I don’t remember the bit about how we were going to turn the entire world in a cartoon battle between good and evil, men vs orcs. > [@](#): > > The terrorists prey on ethnic or religious discord. From Kashmir to Chechnya, to Palestine and Israel, they foment hatred, they deter reconciliation. In Europe, they conducted the massacre in Madrid. They threaten France. They forced the cancellation of the President of Germany’s visit to Djibouti. They have been foiled in Britain, but only for now. **They**? Who the fuck _are_ **they** exactly? _They_ threaten France? Who does? The only people I’ve seen threatening France recently are some nutters who asked for a bunch of money not to put bombs in railway tracks. What’s that got to do with anything? Are they the same people who are kidnapping people in Iraq, or bombing people in Spain. Do you know? Do you care? Of course you don’t fucking care, as long as they fit into your little world view in the ‘Orc’ category, that’ll do fine. > [@](#): > > They know it is a historic struggle. They know their victory would do far more than defeat America or Britain. It would defeat civilisation and democracy everywhere It’s them again. Wait, is this the French railway blackmailers, or the people in Iraq who are pissed that we keep killing their relatives? No, me neither. > [@](#): > > The truth is, faced with this struggle, on which our own fate hangs, a significant part of Western opinion is sitting back, if not half-hoping we fail, certainly replete with schadenfreude at the difficulty we find. Oh, I wondered when we get to this bit! Yes, I knew, it’s **all my fault.** It’s not your fault Tony. You wisely decided to invade Iraq to eliminate Terrorism (wait was that the reason…I seem to remember…no, no, it must have been, afterall you haven’t mentioned anything other than terrorism so far…) Now I, in my naivety, was one of 2 million - 2 million Tony - British people that came to London to express to you our feelings that this might not be a good idea. Then there was MI6 who told you that invading Iraq would lead to an increase in terrorism. There was Hans Blix, who told you that the evidence for WMDs wasn’t checking out. But, now, if we try to even point this out to you, it’s ‘schadenfraude’. Well fuck you. > [@](#): > > The insurgents are former Saddam sympathisers, angry that their status as ‘boss’ has been removed, terrorist groups linked to al-Qaeda and, most recently, followers of the Shia cleric, Muqtada-al-Sadr. Oh right, these are the Orcs. Those pesky Saddam sympathisers! Wait didn’t we arrest him already? You’d think we’d need a new bogeyman by now. Oh there he is… > [@](#): > > Over the past few weeks, I have met several people from the Iraqi government, the first genuine cross-community government Iraq had seen. Have you really? Erm, are these the one’s that are accusing us of genocide? just asking, like. But, look at all these achievements!! Those lucky Iraqis! > [@](#): > > The first private banks are being opened. A new currency is in circulation. Those in work have seen their salaries trebled or quadrupled and unemployment is falling Yup, killing people certainly cuts the unemployment figures. > [@](#): > > Thirty per cent now have satellite TV, once banned, where they can watch al-Jazeera, the radical Arab TV station, telling them how awful the Americans are. It’s a good job that the government doesn’t ban critical media anymore. That could really cause trouble. > [@](#): > > The internet is no longer forbidden Unlimited porn for all! > [@](#): > > It is not easy to persuade people of all this; to say that terrorism and unstable states with WMD are just two sides of the same coin; to tell people what they don’t want to hear; that, in a world in which we in the West enjoy all the pleasures, profound and trivial, of modern existence, we are in grave danger. Hey it’s the Weapons of Mass Destruction! Now I remember. That was the reason wasn’t it? Did we find them? No? But it’s ok, it doesn’t actually matter because we found terrorists and terrorists and weapons of mass destruction are actually two sides of the same coin. Virtually the same thing! Some UN observers can barely tell them apart! It’s ok that we invaded Iraq, sure there were no WMD, but there were terrorists. Well, there were once we’d invaded anyway. Tony was right! I was wrong! Please to God, call an election now, you lettuce-brained, Bush-whacked, twat, and let us be rid of you. Maybe, there is still a chance… ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/2 "2004-04-12T13:47:01Z")
Is Gandalf a top or a bottom? Think he likes to be spanked? ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/3 "2004-04-12T14:39:24Z")
It’s all marketing, advertising, publicity. The one who does it does not need to believe it but a large number of people will buy it. I am astounded by how many people I meet whose ideas about all these topics are sound bites repeated straight from their source of choice. It is sad but that’s the way many people are. Tony Blair is riding a tiger and he dare not dismount. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/4 "2004-04-12T15:21:26Z")
> [@](#): > > the radical Arab TV station is it really all that radical, other than it presents the opinions of sies other than the US? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/5 "2004-04-12T16:04:20Z")
Though if you’ve seen Cherie Blair, you can understand his confusion . . . ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/6 "2004-04-12T16:07:10Z")
He’s not fucking Gandalf. He’s fucking Goofy. ::::garsh:::: ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/7 "2004-04-12T17:52:10Z")
Is this proof that Bush’s stupidity is contageous? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/8 "2004-04-12T18:42:31Z")
Hmph. Personally, I reckon that, in the eternal struggle of Good versus Evil, liars and hypocrites are firmly on the side of Evil. And since our Dear Leader, the Reverend Blair, is quite unquestionably a liar and a hypocrite, well … ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/9 "2004-04-12T18:47:38Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Though if you’ve seen Cherie Blair, you can understand his confusion . . . You don’t want to know the noise I made when I read that. Thank you, **Eve.** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/10 "2004-04-12T19:31:01Z")
> [@Snooooopy](#): > > Is Gandalf a top or a bottom? Think he likes to be spanked? As long as we’re talking Ian McKellan, I’m willing to be put on that pike. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tony-blair-you-smug-patronising-twat-you-are-not-fucking-gandalf/239596/11 "2004-04-12T19:31:55Z")
Of course he isn’t! Sir Ian has way better taste than that.