# Too bad I wasn't born with a penis. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 25, 2000, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297 "2000-10-25T20:09:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kiki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kiki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiki)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/1 "2000-10-25T20:09:40Z")
Maybe if I was born with a penis I could be in my best friends wedding. My best friend (a man) is getting married next year and doesn’t think it will “look right” if he has me stand up for him during the ceremony because, as he says it, he doesn’t want me to show up the bride." :rolleyes: Do you think it’s wrong to have a female be the “best man” at a wedding? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. I think it would be kinda cool. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/2 "2000-10-25T20:11:46Z")
me too!!! I missed out on that same opportunity (and, since I’d introduced him to his bride, what nerve!!!) I think you’re right and your buddy and my buddy Paul were wrong. tell him I said so, that should make him reconsider. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/3 "2000-10-25T20:14:30Z")
Sorry, I can’t see a woman being a “best man”. I understand your feelings, though. Perhaps if it wasn’t a traditional wedding (I’m assuming it is), then it could be done differently. ---
**Author:** ![Suo\_Na](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Suo\_Na](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suo_Na)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/4 "2000-10-25T20:16:09Z")
My husband’s best man was his sister. One of my attendents was a close male friend. The reaction he got from his wife was, “You’ll have to walk up the aisle with a guy!” It’s a wedding, not a matchmaking service for the attendents! I expected to be asked to be the best man for the above guy’s wedding, but the bride thought it would be wrong. I was even willing to wear a tux. As for showing up the bride, if she’s really that bad maybe you shouldn’t go to the wedding at all! ---
**Author:** ![Turpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Turpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turpentine)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/5 "2000-10-25T20:17:03Z")
Oh no! _I’m_ going to be at my best friend’s wedding as the “best man”. I am so excited! My friend said that of course it was appropriate to have me up there. My question was… “Do I have to wear a suit?” Maybe if he IS concerned about you showing up the bride, you ought to get a women’s tuxedo. They make those and it would assure the bride that she is the star. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/6 "2000-10-25T20:18:19Z")
I had a “man of honor” at my wedding. Miss Manners has officially declared that the people who should stand up in the wedding are your close friends, regardless of how they look or what gender they are. She says that the old gender-segregated weddings simply reflected the fact that it wasn’t really proper for single people to be close friends with people of the opposite sex in the past. Further, how could you show up the bride? What makes you different from the bridesmaids, except standing on the other side of the altar? ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/7 "2000-10-25T20:18:36Z")
Well, you could always go in drag. 🙂 You could lament that you weren’t born with a man’s favourite plaything or you could go to your friends wedding, throw up on the bride, pee on the priest (they like that sort of thing, honestly ;)), push the father of the bride through the stained glass, knock out several teeth of the groom (Hell, if he won’t let you be in the wedding he deserves it), or many numerous things. None of those will change the fact that you don’t have a penis and can’t be the best man. Nyah! Nyah! Oh, imagine the situation reversed. What if you were a man and were told that you can’t be a bridesmaid. It is that type of oddity that your friend is trying to go against. Personally, I think you should be able to do what you want but some conservative bastards feel that happiness isn’t necessarily allowed or the right thing. Isn’t that type of going against tradition what the Fiddler on the Roof was about? Tradition! Tradition! I think that it should be best-friend rather than best man in both the “bride’s maid” and “best-man” issues. HUGS! Sqrl PS. Sorry that you don’t have a penis. You could get one surgically implanted if you really want one. ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/8 "2000-10-25T20:25:52Z")
I was my brother’s best “man.” I wore a tuxedo style dress. No one there seemed to have a problem with it - and it they had, wouldn’t have mattered. All that mattered to me was what he and his wife wanted. Had they chosen not to have me because I’m female, I’d have been okay with that, too. ---
**Author:** ![SkySlash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@SkySlash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkySlash)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/9 "2000-10-25T20:27:40Z")
I’ve got two people pegged for the “best man” slot whenever I eventually find “The One” and get hitched… They’re both women. Both my very best and closest friends in the world. I actually would marry either of them tommorrow if they would accept. But alas the pain of their likely rejection keeps me from asking… -SS 😉 ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/10 "2000-10-25T20:34:38Z")
I had the same issue happen to me when I got married back in May. My wife and I decided that a) we didn’t care who stood up with who, and we could ask anybody we wanted. I ended up having my brother and my best (male) friend; and two of my chick friends. She had two of her chicks and two guys. Everyone was given the opportunity to wear EITHER the dress or a tux. Nobody cared and everyone had a lot of fun. Of course, I had too much bourbon and made 1/2 an ass out of myself, but that’s probably due to my own stupidity. ---
**Author:** ![Ceejaytee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ceejaytee/32/2956_2.png) [@Ceejaytee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ceejaytee)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/11 "2000-10-25T20:37:50Z")
My husband’s best friend, a woman, was his best man when we got married this past January. I told her to wear whatever she wanted (we had no color scheme). She wore a burgundy gown and she looked incredible. No one thought she was standing me up, especially not me. It was **the** coolest thing for her to be there. My husband was so thrilled; she recited Shakespeare during the ceremony and he was beaming. Me too. Tell your best friend that you won’t be wearing a $4,000 white gown, so his bride has nothing to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/12 "2000-10-25T21:11:20Z")
My brother in law got married in July and had his best (girl) friend as a best man. She wore a simple black gow and looked awesome. But NO ONE thought she was showing up the bride. On another note, the very Catholic, very confused priest had a hell of a time with it. That, combined with the fact that my brother-in-law got married in a kilt, was just about enough to push him over the age. “The best man is a woman, and the groom is in a kilt? I’m outta here…” Incidentally, \*\* SqrlClub \*\* , my brother-in-law was also treated to a huge lecture during his wedding ceremony using Fiddler on the Roof as an example. It was bizarre to say the least! I think the priest was citing the fact that back then, it was common to disown a family member who wanted to marry outside the faith (she’s Catholic, he’s not), but nowadays in the ultra-modern Catholic Church we just lecture them in front of all their loved ones instead, and then charge them for it. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/13 "2000-10-25T21:20:14Z")
If and when I get married it will push the boundries on “traditional”. I imagine that my friend Michelle would be involved. I also see cheesy powder blue tuxs. Of course I have to find a woman who would be willing to have our song be _Sexy Motherfucker_. ---
**Author:** ![Fletch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/919ad9/32.png) [@Fletch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fletch)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/14 "2000-10-25T21:26:46Z")
I have attended wedding with a female for the “best man”, the two had been neighbors and friends all their lives. I think the name could be changed to “best friend”. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/15 "2000-10-25T21:31:12Z")
This weekend a friend told me that she was a groomsman at a friend’s wedding. I thought it was cool! I see no reason that a woman cannot stand for the groom, or a man for the bride. Quick! Somebody call the ACLU! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sliv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@sliv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sliv)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/16 "2000-10-25T22:02:51Z")
Just last year I was best man at a wedding that had a woman amongst the groomsman and where the “maid of honor” was a man. Worked out just dandy. Heck if it’s good enough for Ms. Manners, it dadgummed is good enough for anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/17 "2000-10-25T22:20:40Z")
You have my vote, **Rachelle**! ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/18 "2000-10-25T22:43:07Z")
you can borrow my penis for the day…damn thing just gets me in trouble anyway 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/19 "2000-10-25T23:01:45Z")
My best friend Glen was my maid of honor (in a tux), and I was one of his groomsmen (in a tux). It came off really well, everyone thought it was neat, and I [looked fantastic](http://members.xoom.com/iannat/index_1.html). IMNSHO. ---
**Author:** ![Mamapotomus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mamapotomus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mamapotomus)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2000, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297/20 "2000-10-25T23:34:32Z")
I don’t think it matters whether the “best man” is a man or a woman. What _does_ matter is (are?) the bride and grooms feelings. Are you close to the bride as well? Maybe the groom is telling you that because the bride doesn’t want you in “her” wedding and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. That’s just my .02, I hope you all get it worked out and nobody’s feelings are hurt. Good Luck! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-bad-i-wasnt-born-with-a-penis/38297.md?page=2)