# Too Proud to Die - the Fighting Ignorants **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [April 19, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657 "2010-04-19T19:58:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/81 "2010-04-21T12:45:56Z")
> [@Frodo](#): > > We are still learnin’ the trade, we’ll get better, if we survive… I’m not a mercenary, but I think I’ve got the idea down without learning the trade. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/82 "2010-04-21T13:43:44Z")
I’ll stick with the wagons trying to figure out whats going on but without abandoning my post also wary of people trying ot sneak up behind while I’m watching the fight. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/83 "2010-04-21T16:07:34Z")
**Wolverine** casts **Bless** while **Autolycus** conceals himself to the best of his ability behind a large bush. **appleciders** prepares to loose off. He sees the foes reacting quicker than expected but still has time to shoot twice before they can close and be ready for melee when they arrive. His first two arrows are both on target and the first only nicks one of the humanoids but the second tumbles it head over heels in the dust. The remaining five hold firm. **Autolycus** can see one of them heading straight for his bush and deduces that the jig is up, so abandons subterfuge in preference for a straightforward lunge with his sword. It straightfowardly fails to go anywhere near its intended target. **Melon** comprehensively fails to make humanoid bolognese out of his attacker, but **Wolverine** stands up to be counted and staggers his foe with a sturdy blow with his mace. The critter fighting **Autolycus** sneers at his feeble effort and ripostes wittily with its cutlass, a couple of inches of which make contact with the thief’s favourite breadbasket. He’s out of the fight and trying to remember when anything ever hurt so much. 0 hp remaining. But the other three heroes are better armoured and a variety of blows ring harmlessly off their mail coats; **Wolverine** ’s opponent, evidently thrown off his stroke, wafts at fresh air. Seeing that **Autolycus** is going nowhere for now, his adversary decides to help the others put the remaining heroes down and goes for **Melon**. The heroes are put out by seeing the brave thief go down so soon, clearly, and can’t make their blows tell, while **Wolverine** collects one between wind and water that almost convinces him that he’s neglected his earlier instructions to himself. But he finds himself still on his feet 2 hp remaining and grits his teeth for a last-ditch effort. **Melon** , unfortunately, continues to be as limp as a wet noodle, but both **appleciders** and **Wolverine** connect again, with immediately fatal consequences. Meanwhile the sound of reinforcements can be heard coming and this is enough to persuade the remaining evildoers to amscray while this is still possible. **Wolverine** immediately goes to **Autolycus** ’s aid and casts Cure Light Wounds, bringing him back on his feet at 3 hp. He has another left for himself should he wish it. At the wagons, all is well. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/84 "2010-04-21T16:17:26Z")
“Woa, they are running!, I say we go back to the wagons and resume protectin’ duty…” unless there is something of interest here… (looks around). ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/85 "2010-04-21T16:20:04Z")
“Well, that went well! So, where’s the person they were roasting? Our goose was almost cooked thanks to him.” ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/86 "2010-04-21T16:24:52Z")
**Melon** shakes his fist angrily at the fleeing evildoers before ambling over to the roasted shmuck. “Even His noodly goodness was _strained_ during that confrontation. You all right?” ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/87 "2010-04-21T16:36:37Z")
Catching his breath, **Ciders** carefully tries to recover his arrows and cuts down the barbecue-ee. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/88 "2010-04-21T16:40:14Z")
"Sounds, like the battle is over I hope the survivors only come this direction if they’re friendly. Now where did those crazy mages run off to don’t they realize that we’re paid to guard here not over there.” ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/89 "2010-04-21T16:40:21Z")
I think I will hold off on my last spell until I fall asleep tonight. Someone else might need it more than me before then. If no further problems today, I do plan on using it to heal myself. _cough, cough_ (_I spit out some blood_.) “That went better than expected but worse than we could have hoped for. No one died today. For that we should give thanks. If anyone needs me, I will be back at wagons saying many prayers of gratitude (and resting from my wound).” I head back to wagons to rest. [night watch shift preference - none (for strategy purposes). However, solitude is good contemplating on the lessons of [not yet chosen deity]. **Wolverine** probably feels closest to his deity in the hours before dawn.] ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/90 "2010-04-21T19:20:46Z")
I’m sorry to report that the barbecuee (who, by the way, was staked out _horizontally_ on the ground with his feet to the fire, not vertically over it) appears to be unable to register his appreciation. Even as **Melon** closes on him, his eyes glaze over (the victim, not **Melon** ) and he barely has time to smile faintly at the rout of his tormentors and rasp, barely audibly “Hilt… unscrews…” before all expression leaves his face for good. **Ciders** , who spent an annoying amount of time hanging around ranger school before finally accepting they weren’t going to enrol him, examines the three deceased runty bad guys and forms the opinion that they are goblins. Their personal possessions are scanty, as were those of the foot-scorched unfortunate who is wearing robes similar to those sported by **Hoopy** and colleagues, and hardly of better quality. There are the remains of a large book in the fire. You are able to scavenge three small poor-quality cutlasses that might just about be worth something as scrap metal, a rather better dagger sized for a human, and a handful of silver and copper totalling, shall we say, a gold piece in value. You need not concern yourself overly with night watches, by the way. Kullen itself is visible as a smudge in the distance, and the wagon-master reckons you can easily reach it by nightfall. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/91 "2010-04-21T19:23:50Z")
Can I read anything from the burned book’s remains? (McGyver had a spell for reading burned paper IIRC…) ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/92 "2010-04-21T19:44:35Z")
Hmmm… “Hilt unscrews,” huh? What could that refer to? I’ll look around for something with a hilt. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/93 "2010-04-21T20:06:25Z")
The book is too badly burned to be very useful. It looks as though it could have been a spellbook, but if so, what’s left would be more a hindrance than a help. Hilted objects in the vicinity include three goblin-sized cutlasses and one human’s dagger. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/94 "2010-04-21T20:13:27Z")
I carefully try to unscrew the human’s dagger’s hilt. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/95 "2010-04-21T20:36:34Z")
It carefully unscrews, as advertised (after a little experimentation). Inside there seems to be a small roll of parchment. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/96 "2010-04-21T20:40:07Z")
“Well **Oredigger** , I think we did reasonably well in guarding the wagons. Hopefully, my fellow wizards will be a bit more stoic next time in such matters. Also, I believe the count is now 1 for **Auto**. Who do you wager will go next?” retorts **Ishtar** , to his new found friend \*\*Oredigger \*\*the Dutiful. If Oredigger has no witty retort, Ishtar will go over to the Goblin campfire area, and see if he can be of any assistance with anything else such as standing a safe distance back from \*\*Frodo \*\*as he attempts to unscrew the dagger’s hilt. Just to be fair, he’ll gather the Goblin cutlasses and check those hilts. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/97 "2010-04-21T21:36:44Z")
Meanwhile the wagonmaster suggests “Get that poor devil aboard and at least we can take him to Kullen - they have a proper cemetery there”. There turn out to be no more surprises from the goblin cutlasses. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2010, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/98 "2010-04-21T21:43:51Z")
“I do believe that our friend Auto is not nearly the warrior he thinks he is and from how easily he was spotted I’m beginning to think he’s not much of thief either. I’m not so sure about being dutiful I prefer to think of myself as a self preservationist and wandering towards a horrible stink, for no money, sounds like a terrible way to preserve myself, right Auto?” I’ll retake my rear guard position while the others try to figure out the scroll. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/99 "2010-04-22T00:19:09Z")
I’ll take up that guard position, and we’ll hustle in to town where it’s safer. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2010, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657/100 "2010-04-22T00:24:43Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > "I do believe that our friend Auto is not nearly the warrior he thinks he is and from how easily he was spotted I’m beginning to think he’s not much of thief either. Hey, that was a very small bush! Your tubby ass couldn’t even hide behind an oak. So **Frodo** , what does it say? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/too-proud-to-die-the-fighting-ignorants/536657.md?page=6)