# Tool for extracting a broken light bulb? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 10, 2006, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242 "2006-01-10T01:02:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/81 "2006-01-11T01:05:19Z")
> [@Scupper](#): > > And, if by some chance you were trapped in the Nakatomi Plaza building when it was taken over by European terrorists, you could borrow it from their leader. Then you could use **Hans Gruber’s pseudotriton ruber ruber uber goober tuber luber.** > > Just a suggestion. You know if you broke the fixture trying to get the broken bulb out with the tuber it would be the **[Hans Gruber’s pseudotriton ruber ruber uber goober tuber luber FUBAR](http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b127/jrfranchi/pseudotritonruberrubertuber.jpg).** ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/82 "2006-01-11T01:18:50Z")
If the fixture is underwater, you’ve got a **Hans Gruber’s pseudotriton ruber ruber uber scuba goober tuber luber FUBAR.** (Tim Kazurinsky, are your ears burning?) ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/83 "2006-01-11T01:30:16Z")
Not just for removing broken light bulb bases and such-it also elevates to the third power! It’s: \*\*Hans Gruber’s pseudotriton ruber ruber uber scuba goober tuber luber FUBAR cuber. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/84 "2006-01-11T01:42:50Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Not just for removing broken light bulb bases and such-it also elevates to the third power! It’s: \*\*Hans Gruber’s pseudotriton ruber ruber uber scuba goober tuber luber FUBAR cuber. > \*\* But does it also slice and Dice? ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/85 "2006-01-11T04:04:24Z")
> [@jrfranchi](#): > > But does it also slice and Dice? As long as you turn the power on… no wait… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/86 "2006-01-11T04:11:03Z")
Oh dear Og. And I thought this thread was going to be boring. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/87 "2006-01-11T04:19:37Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Oh dear Og. And I thought this thread was going to be boring. After five years on the Dope, you should know better. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/88 "2006-01-11T04:25:34Z")
> [@Scupper](#): > > “Potato” does not have an “e” in it. No, but they do have _i’s_ ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/89 "2006-01-11T09:06:46Z")
> [@pseudotriton ruber ruber](#): > > Okay, now that’s done, and now that the glass has been thrown away, how do I get the metal thready part out of the fixture? This is a ceiling ficture, single-bulb dealy. [ul] [li]Call lawyer and bring lawsuit against lightbulb for breach of contract[/li][li]Have lawyer advise on status of good samaritan laws regarding the potato[/li][li]Exhume equine species and beat liberally[linky](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348452&highlight=airplanes) [/li][/ul] Declan ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/90 "2006-01-11T12:47:21Z")
I’m confused. Should one use a po-TAY-to or a po-TAH-to? ---
**Author:** ![MizGrand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@MizGrand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizGrand)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/91 "2006-01-11T12:57:28Z")
> [@The Chao Goes Mu](#): > > I’m confused. Should one use a po-TAY-to or a po-TAH-to? No, no, no. I told you to turn off the power and use a car-rot. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/92 "2006-01-11T15:02:36Z")
> [@RSSchen](#): > > No, no, no. I told you to turn off the power and use a car-rot. You mean, if you leave the power on, your car-rot will turn into a potato? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/93 "2006-01-11T15:10:06Z")
Have we determined how many Dopers it takes to change a light bulb yet? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/94 "2006-01-11T15:15:49Z")
After all these posts, I cannot believe we’ve left out the most important step: After turning off the power - for 20 minutes - and burning your potato (did I mention that you should turn off the power?) and using the right-handed (or was it left-handed) monkey wrench with the pliers (I think I said something about turning off the potato) (or was it the power?) and utilitizing a bar of soap on a broomhandle as a backup utility device (do we turn off the power with the soap?) and then as a last resort using a pseudotriton ruber ruber uber scuba goober tuber luber FUBAR cuber, you should masturbate like a motherfuck while removing the broken part of the lightbulb. C’mon, guys, we’re slipping. (Did I mention turning the power off first? I think I did.) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/95 "2006-01-11T15:30:26Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > After all these posts, I cannot believe we’ve left out the most important step: > > After turning off the power - for 20 minutes - and burning your potato (did I mention that you should turn off the power?) and using the right-handed (or was it left-handed) monkey wrench with the pliers (I think I said something about turning off the potato) (or was it the power?) and utilitizing a bar of soap on a broomhandle as a backup utility device (do we turn off the power with the soap?) and then as a last resort using a pseudotriton ruber ruber uber scuba goober tuber luber FUBAR cuber, you should masturbate like a motherfuck while removing the broken part of the lightbulb. > > C’mon, guys, we’re slipping. > > (Did I mention turning the power off first? I think I did.) And don’t forget to turn off the power before ensuing your penis. ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfyre](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shadowfyre/32/9972_2.png) [@Shadowfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfyre)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/96 "2006-01-11T15:53:01Z")
OK. I think I got it. - So I turned the power off to the hot potato. - And my neutral po-TAH-to is uncut. - Now I twist the tuber (lefty lighty, tighty whities) and stick the carrot up my wazoo. - I used the 1920’s style WD-40 - Did the ruber ruber and turned myself around And that’s what it’s all about. Now someone mentioned a lightbulb, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out where that fits in. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/97 "2006-01-11T16:17:09Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > If the fixture is underwater, you’ve got a **Hans Gruber’s pseudotriton ruber ruber uber scuba goober tuber luber FUBAR.** You punsters are just a bunch of lusers! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/98 "2006-01-11T16:49:03Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > using the right-handed (or was it left-handed) monkey wrench Well, it’ll have to be a left-handed, because the hardware store is all out of right-handed monkeys. Can I have my cousin stand in for the monkey? He’s been washed with special potato soap and encased in plasticine. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/99 "2006-01-11T16:49:32Z")
> [@Shadowfyre](#): > > Now someone mentioned a lightbulb, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out where that fits in. Apparently you’ve never undergone the Board Initiation. Come this way, we’ll be happy to show you where it “fits in.” ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/100 "2006-01-11T16:51:40Z")
> [@Shadowfyre](#): > > stick the carrot up my wazoo No, no. That’s what the broom handle is for. > [@Shadowfyre](#): > > Now someone mentioned a lightbulb, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out where that fits in. Right behind the broom handle. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242.md?page=6)