# Tool for extracting a broken light bulb? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 10, 2006, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242 "2006-01-10T01:02:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/101 "2006-01-11T16:53:05Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > And don’t forget to turn off the power before ensuing your penis. Warning: Do **not** use your penis in any effort to remove a broken light bulb. Or anyone else’s either. Whether or not the power’s off. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/102 "2006-01-11T17:03:14Z")
> [@Polycarp](#): > > Warning: Do **not** use your penis in any effort to remove a broken light bulb. > > Or anyone else’s either. > > Whether or not the power’s off. How many flies does it take to… …never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/103 "2006-01-11T17:23:04Z")
> [@BoringDad](#): > > (unless your wife walks in and flips the switch out of habit while you are screwing in the potato.) How many mice does it take to screw in a potato? Two. They were screwing in the light bulb until it broke. Good thing the power was off at the time. > [@danceswithcats](#): > > Not just for removing broken light bulb bases and such-it also elevates to the third power! It’s: \*\*Hans Gruber’s pseudotriton ruber ruber uber scuba goober tuber luber FUBAR cuber. > \*\* And if Hans originally got the potato from a microbrewery in Monroe, Wisconsin it would be **Hans Gruber’s Huber pseudotriton ruber ruber uber scuba goober tuber luber FUBAR cuber**. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/104 "2006-01-11T17:45:23Z")
Whooooooeeeeee!!! I’m potatoing like a motherf\*\*k. ---
**Author:** ![Hombre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecb155/32.png) [@Hombre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hombre)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/105 "2006-01-11T18:50:21Z")
> [@CrazyFoo](#): > > If you can’t find a potatoe, I’ve removed a broken bulb with a bar of soap. Aha! Real identity revealed. So what is the effect of a 20 second baked potato on wrenthes up the wazoo? ---
**Author:** ![Hombre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecb155/32.png) [@Hombre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hombre)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/106 "2006-01-11T18:55:02Z")
> [@Hombre](#): > > Aha! Real identity revealed. > > So what is the effect of a 20 second baked potato on wrenthes up the wazoo? :smack: I discovered multiple pages too late. :smack: And I previewed Sorry all. Continue… ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/107 "2006-01-11T19:06:07Z")
> [@pseudotriton ruber ruber](#): > > I’ll supply the jokes, pre-emptively: Yes, I am a tool for breaking the light-bulb. > > Two: one to grip the bulb too hard, and one to sweep glass shards off the floor. > > Okay, now that’s done… I think you may have missed one or two. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/108 "2006-01-11T20:15:08Z")
> [@BoringDad](#): > > When come back bring potato pie. Is that a sweet potato pie? Because, if it is… GOTCHA YA(m)! ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/109 "2006-01-11T20:39:02Z")
I’ll bet a dildo would achieve the same results as a potato. Only much quicker. But don’t forget to take out the batteries first!!! ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/110 "2006-01-11T20:42:34Z")
Would a potato on a treadmill take off? Not if you shut off the power first. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/111 "2006-01-11T20:56:46Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > I’ll bet a dildo would achieve the same results as a potato. Only much quicker. Only if it’s a [double headed, 18" ice blue jelly dong](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=266235). If you use the potato,turn off the power or it will become Hans Gruber’s 1920’s style Death Tuber(and burning the dog of **pseudotriton ruber ruber**. ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/112 "2006-01-11T21:42:38Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > GOTCHA YA(m)! What? Gotchya ya ™? Did **Wildest Bill** trademark that saying?.. Now wait, that’s not ™. It’s the letter “m”. What does that have to do with… ya(m)… Hmmmm… snicker snicker… YAM! From sweet potato pie! Heh. That made me giggle. And I hadn’t turned the power off yet! ---
**Author:** ![Agnostic\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@Agnostic\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agnostic_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/113 "2006-01-11T23:17:37Z")
Potato √ Pie √ Penis √ Okay, I’ve turned off all the power to the base with my 1920’s style death ray. Now what do I do? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/114 "2006-01-11T23:37:05Z")
> [@Agnostic Pagan](#): > > Potato √ > Pie √ > Penis √ > > Okay, I’ve turned off all the power to the base with my 1920’s style death ray. > > Now what do I do? Oh no, do you have any idea how long and how hard it is to restart a 1920’s style death ray. It will take hours or 20 minutes at the bottom of a certain trench. Of course the FSM could do it if he chose. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/115 "2006-01-11T23:39:18Z")
I don’t have time to review prior posts, but I’m sure that no one has given the following definitive sage advice: 1. Turn power off 2. Insert potato and twist 3. Turn power on. You may, of course, use a penis in lieu of a potato in step #1, in which case the steps are as follows: 1. Turn power off 2. Turn power on. 3. Insert penis into socket and twist. ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/116 "2006-01-11T23:50:04Z")
> [@Tibbycat](#): > > 1. Turn power off > 2. Turn power on. > 3. Insert penis into socket and twist. Have you been peeking in my window on Saturday nights? ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/117 "2006-01-11T23:57:06Z")
Well, someone had to make sure that the penis you were using was not plasticine. I’m still wondering what those rocking horse people were doing on your couch…were they eating marshmallow pies? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/118 "2006-01-12T00:14:00Z")
Well, I’m going to get my phaser cutting scalar potato and burn some ensued dog penises like a motherf\*ck for 20 minutes in Rio. ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/119 "2006-01-12T01:07:46Z")
> [@Tibbycat](#): > > Well, someone had to make sure that the penis you were using was not plasticine. I’m still wondering what those rocking horse people were doing on your couch…were they eating marshmallow pies? Well, just goes to prove the old joke; How many rocking horse people does it take to change a lightbulb with a potato penis? None! They were all eating marshmallow pies!!! HAAHAHAAHA! Eh, ya hadda be there. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2006, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242/120 "2006-01-12T01:09:05Z")
I just gotta know one thing… When will Trench Ensue? My guess is when someone visits Mariano’s Penis for 20 minutes, but I’m pretty sure that’s happened more than once…but alas, no ensuing Trench. Arrgh… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/tool-for-extracting-a-broken-light-bulb/339242.md?page=7)