# Top 10 easy ways to live long

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-easy-ways-to-live-long/248474>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [June 3, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-easy-ways-to-live-long/248474 "2004-06-03T17:30:52Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-easy-ways-to-live-long/248474/21 "2004-06-04T17:43:58Z")

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Don’t pull on Superman’s cape

Don’t spit into the wind

Don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger

Don’t mess around with Slim

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**Author:** ![Grasshopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f19dbf/32.png) [@Grasshopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grasshopper)\
**Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-easy-ways-to-live-long/248474/22 "2004-06-04T18:29:57Z")

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**Top Ten Things (Besides Giving Up Fatty Foods) That Will Add Four Months to Your Life**

1. Put suicide machine in reverse

2. Not giving the finger to Mr. Gotti’s limo after he cuts you off  
(okay, not really relevant anymore)

3. Dot your _i_’s with a smiley face 🙂

4. Averting your eyes whenever the Hamburger Helper Hand appears on TV

5. Unwrap gum completely before chewing

6. Being able to outrun the Los Angeles Police Department

7. Set yourself a goal: “I’m going to live four months longer than I normally would.” Stick to it.

8. MCI instead of AT&T

9. Break into a drugstore and eat all the medicine

10. New crack lite!

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\
**Post date:** [June 4, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-easy-ways-to-live-long/248474/23 "2004-06-04T23:47:50Z")

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Don’t discover a major superhero’s secret identity while you’re low-level villain. Even if you _don’t_ die shortly thereafter, something’ll awful will happen to your brain and/or mind.

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