# Top 10 reasons beer is better than Jesus **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457 "2001-07-06T05:23:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/21 "2001-07-08T21:48:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spiritus Mundi \* > Beer told me I could match my rhythm to the undulating tramp You slept with her, too? Sua ---
**Author:** ![Or\_n\_ry\_Oscar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9de0a6/32.png) [@Or\_n\_ry\_Oscar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Or_n_ry_Oscar)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/22 "2001-07-08T22:17:11Z")
Care for a similarity: Neither Jesus nor beer will let you outrun a Texas Highway Patrol officer when there’s a Fox television crew riding shotgun. Believe me. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/23 "2001-07-09T01:08:43Z")
Does Jesus make the Baby Beer cry? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_A\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@Just\_A\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_A_Girl)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/24 "2001-07-09T01:35:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by detop \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Tenar \* > > Sadly, Jesus, unlike beer, _IS_ available before noon on Sundays. > > Depends where you are. Up here it _IS_ available. \*\* Ohhhhh, how I envy you. Damn all these fundamentalist southern bastards…I mean Baptists! Not bastards! Baptists! (I get the two confused sometimes…) 😉 By the way, ya’ll DO realize we’re all going to hell for this, right? Ah well, a toast to eternal damnation!! ---
**Author:** ![light\_strand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a6a055/32.png) [@light\_strand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/light_strand)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/25 "2001-07-09T01:47:28Z")
To find beer you have go to the fridge. To find Jesus you have to go South of the Mason Dixon line. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/26 "2001-07-09T02:12:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Just A Girl \* > By the way, ya’ll DO realize we’re all going to hell for this, right? Ah well, a toast to eternal damnation!! Nasdrovye !! [sub] Anyway, I prefer downstairs, the company will be **much** more interesting :D[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/27 "2001-07-09T03:33:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SuaSponte \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Spiritus Mundi \* > > Beer told me I could match my rhythm to the undulating tramp > > You slept with her, too? > > Sua \*\* [Homer Simpson] Mmmmm…undulating tramps… [Homer Simpson] ---
**Author:** ![Nothing\_But\_Net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e47c2d/32.png) [@Nothing\_But\_Net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nothing_But_Net)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/28 "2001-07-09T03:51:06Z")
Beer will make you regret last night… Jesus will make you repent your whole life. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/29 "2001-07-09T05:14:06Z")
If you have visions of Jesus in your burrito, you make the paper and people flock from miles around. If you have visions of beer and burritos, you’re probably just thinking of Taco Bell late night, and people only have to go down the block. **or** If you have visions of beer in your burrito, people think you should join a 12-step program. There is no Jesus-Lite, Amber-Jesus, Jesus Boch, Hefe-Jesus (Jesus-Weizen?), Malt-Jesus or Micro-Brew Jesus. It’s a lot easier to go on a tour of a distillery than the “Holy Land” and you get better parting gifts (rocks vs. beer.) 'Course, you can’t throw up from too much Jesus (though you might feel as though you want to some times.) And “beer before liquer, never sicker” while “Jesus before liquer, … Sunday cookout?” ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/30 "2001-07-09T05:21:13Z")
From BooBoo316: “Where are all the Fundies trying to convert you to the One True Beer?” * * * Ahem… REPENT, YE WHO DRINK PISS-YELLOW, BEER-FLAVORED ABOMINATIONS!! GET YE TO THE ONE, THE TRUE, THE ONLY BEER THAT DESERVES TO BE POURED BY A SELF-RESPECTING BARTENDER. Yeh, verily Brother, I tell ye to make HASTE and get thee to a pint of GUINNESS! For all lesser, pale, pathetic brews are EVIL and must be cast out into the streets! Join hands with me, Brothers and Sisters, as we glory in the the dark necture that must be savored slowly, not “pounded back” to better endure the jaundiced liquid. * * * From woodstockbirdybird: “Beer inspired the Clash, the Ramones, the Pogues and the Replacements. Jesus inspired Amy Grant, Celine Dion and Whitney Houston.” I _DO_ like your taste in music! Im’ doing a Ramones special on my radio show August 1st if you’d like to listen in over the Internet! Go to [http://radio.cwru.edu](http://radio.cwru.edu) and look for the archives, which will take you to a program grid. My show is “The Spandex Years,” on every Wednesday morning from five to seven. Praise the Lord and Pass the Guinness, Patty ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/31 "2001-07-09T13:30:16Z")
Well, too much Jesus never made you wake up the next mroning next to some really ugly person you would never have touched sober… [sub] If not for beer, I’d never get laid…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Spiritus\_Mundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/32 "2001-07-09T14:05:23Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > > [@](#): > > > > > > Beer told me I could match my rhythm to the undulating tramp > > > > You slept with her, too? > > [Homer Simpson] > > Mmmmm…undulating tramps… [Eric Cartman] Respect my undualating tramp! [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/33 "2001-08-03T15:11:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > \*\* > > 1. Beer has never caused a major war. > > \*\* You seem to be forgetting the tragic and devastating 'Taste Great/Less Filling war that claimed so many sports has beens. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![arachnidlove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@arachnidlove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/arachnidlove)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/34 "2001-08-03T15:34:25Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve never seen a string bracelet or a lanyard that said “W.W.B.D.” Haha. Now I feel like making one of these, and I shall wear it proudly. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/35 "2001-08-03T15:44:05Z")
Give a man a beer, he drinks for one day. Teach him how to hold up the 7-11, and he drinks for a lifetime. Here’s my ticket to purgatory: A group of ad executive are sitting in the company conference room when the youngest and newest VP gets up to present his idea for the latest Bradford nails ad. A large screen TV is wheeled in and his add runs: Roman soldiers are seen pounding nails, a man wearing a crown of thorns winces in pain, and it becomes all too apparent that the man is Christ. As the camera pans in, the head of one of the nails is shown in close-up bearing the Bradford logo. The voice over states, “Bradford nails will hold like hell.” A female executive faints, while another falls from his chair. Amid the chaos, the CEO grabs the young VP, telling him, “That is the most blasphemous display I have ever seen, we’d be ruined if this got out. Change that by next week or you are fired!” The same executives are in attendance next week when the new ad is shown. The young VP is nervous yet confident as the ad begins. A shot of sandaled feet running, another of a robed man looking frantically over his shoulder, and finally the camera pans to a pair of Roman soldiers. As they sprint after the man, hammers in hand, the voice over comes on, “This wouldn’t have happened if they had used Bradford nails.” ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/36 "2001-08-03T17:30:45Z")
I can see how someone might mistakenly conclude that Christianity and a sense of humor are mutually exclusive but I see no reason for beer and Jesus to be. Considering his first reported miracle was to turn water into wine for the wedding party at Cana I’m sure he could work with pure Rocky Mountain springwater if the situation called for it. ---
**Author:** ![Zach\_Lee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ed655f/32.png) [@Zach\_Lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zach_Lee)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/37 "2001-08-03T17:44:36Z")
Beer is Good. Beer is our Friend. I believe in Beer…at least, I believe I’ll have Another Beer. But I am definitely thinking of using the shorter and punchier W.W.B.D. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” - Benjamin Franklin ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/38 "2001-08-03T18:02:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \W.W.B.D. My first thought, even after reading the whole thread, was “What Would Beavis Do?” 😆 Huh, huh, She said "do[sub]o[/sub], huh, huh ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/39 "2001-08-03T18:02:49Z")
Can you get a whole lot of Jesus on “dollar night”? “Hey, honey, as long as you’re up, can you get me another cold Jesus from the fridge?” Nah, it’ll never catch on. Jesus doesn’t come in a “long neck”. Nothing goes better after a refreshing Jesus than another refreshing Jesus. Too much beer and you’ll swear to Jesus that you’ll never drink again. Nobody has too much Jesus and then swears to beer that they’ll never go to church again. When you kill a six pack, you don’t have to worry about it disappearing three days later. When you finish the beer, you can recycle the empties to get more beer. Can you do that with Jesus? I think not. [sub]See you in hell[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/40 "2001-08-03T18:12:36Z")
We all know that Jesus done left Chicago, he was bound for New Orleans. If Beer left Chicago, **porcupine’s** ChiDope would be a very different party. Sober Debauchery? I think not. [sub]All Aboard! One way tickets on the train straight to Hell![/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457.md?page=3)