# Top 10 reasons beer is better than Jesus **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457 "2001-07-06T05:23:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/41 "2001-08-03T18:28:40Z")
Gals get free top shelf liquor and all the Jesus they can drink. \ ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/42 "2001-08-03T18:33:54Z")
Nobody thinks you’re weird if you walk down the street taking to beer. But walk down the street having a give and take with Jesus and you’re sure to get some funny looks. Of course, nobody ever said, “Woa, that gaunt, long haired hippy fella looks a bit like the generally accepted depiction of beer.” Maybe that’s a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![renigademaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@renigademaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/renigademaster)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/43 "2001-08-03T18:42:56Z")
Just remember, never ever drink beer in a Muslim country. You can’t get killed for doing it, but you can get whipped if you do. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/44 "2001-08-03T19:02:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tenar \* > **Jesus wasn’t filled with yummy hops, malt, and barley. Except possibly on weekends.** Yeah, and then if you pulled his arm forward, it would come out the side. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Padeye_ > **Considering his first reported miracle was to turn water into wine for the wedding party** And then he helped turn it back into water again. ---
**Author:** ![Skott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Skott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skott)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/45 "2001-08-03T19:16:54Z")
- You can’t get pulled over for thinking ('bout Jesus) and driving … - … Or for having an open New Testament in your car. - No such thing as “Jesus Goggles” - Having too much Jesus won’t cause you to get up close and personal with a toilet - There are more “brands” of Jesus to choose from than beer. - W.W.B.D. is just as cocky as W.W.J.D. - Your singing doesn’t get worse after havnig some Jesus. - Jesus won’t explode when shaken. - Jesus doesn’t require a keg tap, a bottle opener, a twist-off cap, or a bent fingernail. - No such thing as “lite Jesus”. - Jesus is calorie-free. - No such thing as a “Jesus-belly” - Jesus doesn’t require federal warning labels. - You don’t have to show ID to get Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Peta\_Tzunami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b487fb/32.png) [@Peta\_Tzunami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peta_Tzunami)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/46 "2001-08-03T19:29:10Z")
This thread is just crying out for a ([http://beerchurch.com/index.html](http://beerchurch.com/index.html)). 😉 (People will be lining up at the baptismal…) ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/47 "2001-08-03T19:40:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skott \* > \*\*- No such thing as “lite Jesus”. > > \*\* _cough_ Methodists? _cough_ [sub]I kust know I’m gonna be dragged into the pit for this.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![FallenAngel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@FallenAngel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FallenAngel)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/48 "2001-08-03T19:41:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skott \* > \*\*- - No such thing as a “Jesus-belly” > > \*\* I have to quibble on this one. Given the guts and spare tires (“Dunlop” brand, of course) I’ve seen on so many preachers, deacons, elders, etc. over the course of my life, and the fact that more religious people than atheists wear Sansabelt slacks, I’d say there is definitely such a thing, and it’s scary. ---
**Author:** ![rubes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@rubes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rubes)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/49 "2001-08-03T21:19:59Z")
beer belly vs stigmata…hmmmmmm ---
**Author:** ![quasar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/48db29/32.png) [@quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quasar)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/50 "2001-08-03T22:16:55Z")
C’mon, give the dude a break. After all, a guy whose blood tastes like wine can’t be that bad, right? ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/51 "2001-08-03T23:28:29Z")
Top one Jesus is better than beer 1. He makes wine out of water. Beer makes whine out of wheat. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/52 "2001-08-03T23:31:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skott \* > \*\* > > - Jesus doesn’t require federal warning labels. > > \*\* _Require_? No. Necessitate? Perhaps. I favor something like: \*_Pregnant women: Jesus may cause birth defects._ ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/53 "2001-08-04T02:52:44Z")
Beer never makes you feel guilty for masturbation or wild monkey sex. If anything, beer encourages it. I never got loaded on Jesus and called ex-boyfriends at 3:00 am. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/54 "2001-08-04T03:08:41Z")
Commercials about Jesus don’t feature cross-dressers, sports that combine golf and football, or the word “wasabi”. At least the ones run by churches around here don’t. ---
**Author:** ![alibey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@alibey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alibey)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/55 "2001-08-04T03:38:30Z")
beer ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/56 "2001-08-04T17:15:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Peta Tzunami \* > \*\*This thread is just crying out for a ([http://beerchurch.com/index.html](http://beerchurch.com/index.html)). 😉 > \*\* Thanks, Peta, for leading me to the light. I am now a Beer Church Minister. Bless you, and may you never thirst. Rev. Coffeecat ---
**Author:** ![SUPERKARLENE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@SUPERKARLENE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SUPERKARLENE)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2001, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/57 "2001-08-04T21:17:17Z")
Y’all are awful. I’m only 17 and CAN’T drink. I can only imagine… ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/58 "2001-08-05T01:30:27Z")
Sports stars don’t kneel down and give thanks to beer after scoring ---
**Author:** ![psychogumby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c0e974/32.png) [@psychogumby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychogumby)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/59 "2001-08-05T03:15:34Z")
You can’t choose whether or not you want your Jesus from a bottle, a keg or a can. ---
**Author:** ![Shogun\_Haircut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Shogun\_Haircut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shogun_Haircut)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/60 "2001-08-05T03:45:33Z")
beer can’t walk on water can it? even so, i think beer tastes like shit, but jesus probably tastes worse, i through my hat in with the tripple sec god [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457.md?page=4)