# Top 10 reasons beer is better than Jesus **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457 "2001-07-06T05:23:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Nicklz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8baadc/32.png) [@Nicklz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicklz)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/61 "2001-08-05T05:12:39Z")
With Jesus you go to church dressed in “sundays best” With beer you just get naked. With Jesus you can go to heaven, where they have streets paved with gold. With beer you can go to the bar every night, where they have lots of horny drunk women. With Jesus you can set in a pew for an hour and take a nap. With beer you can get drunk a sleep the entire next day. Beer will call out your name and beg, for you to partake. Jesus just offers. yep, save me a seat on the bus going straight to hell. ---
**Author:** ![HannibalV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@HannibalV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HannibalV)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/62 "2001-08-05T07:32:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by arachnidlove \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > I’ve never seen a string bracelet or a lanyard that said “W.W.B.D.” > > Haha. Now I feel like making one of these, and I shall wear it proudly. \*\* [hijack]I own a copy of the book “What Would Buddha Do?”, which includes an offer for a free “WWBD” bracelet.[/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/63 "2001-08-05T07:33:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SUPERKARLENE \* > \*\*Y’all are awful. I’m only 17 and CAN’T drink. > > I can only imagine… \*\* Welcome aboard! And don’t be too quick to worship at the altar of beer. Beer is a jealous god. And now, a word in favor of Beer/Jesus parity: Beer and Jesus _both_ inspire bizarre Revelations. Jesus forgives you for things done under the influence of beer. Beer forgives you for things done under the influence of Jesus! Maybe we _can_ all just get along! So, you make the choice: controversial presumptive deity, or tasty malt beverage? It’s a matter of individual conscience. Admittedly, beer never threatened to “take Billy Graham home” if people failed to kick in enough money. But no one’s perfect. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/64 "2001-08-05T07:52:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skott \* > **- Your singing doesn’t get worse after havnig some Jesus.** Then please explain Christian Contemporary music. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/65 "2001-08-05T11:48:12Z")
To get to know a beer, you have to read a short menu. To get to know Jesus, you have to read a big Bible. Beer don’t ring your doorbell attempting to convert you. It’s only there when you want it to be. You don’t say it was the “will of Beer” when something goes wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/66 "2001-08-05T15:04:44Z")
The power of beer compels you! The power of beer compels you! ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/67 "2001-08-05T15:27:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Annie-Xmas \* > **You don’t say it was the “will of Beer” when something goes wrong.** _ **I** _ do. Especially when my heart is filled with the spirit of Beer. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/68 "2001-08-05T21:13:17Z")
> [@](#): > > Admittedly, beer never threatened to “take Billy Graham home” if people failed to kick in enough money. Oral Roberts, you mean. Don’t you remember **LORD** ( **L** et **O** ral **R** oberts **D** ie)? \<\<\\>\> _In Heaven there is no beer…so the hell with it._ ---
**Author:** ![Cleophus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@Cleophus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cleophus)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/69 "2001-08-05T22:42:14Z")
Significant efforts are made to keep beer from minors. Sadly, significant efforts are made to give Jesus to minors. ---
**Author:** ![Peta\_Tzunami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b487fb/32.png) [@Peta\_Tzunami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peta_Tzunami)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/70 "2001-08-05T22:53:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flodnak \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Skott \* > > **- Your singing doesn’t get worse after havnig some Jesus.** > > Then please explain Christian Contemporary music. \*\* Well, no one said Jesus betters it better either… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/71 "2001-08-06T07:31:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MysterEcks \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Admittedly, beer never threatened to “take Billy Graham home” if people failed to kick in enough money. > > Oral Roberts, you mean. Don’t you remember **LORD** ( **L** et **O** ral **R** oberts **D** ie)? > > * * * Right you are! That’s what I get for posting in the wee small hours of the morning after drinking nothing but O’Doul’s, or, as some call it, “The Anti-Beer.” ---
**Author:** ![Mort\_Furd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mort\_Furd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mort_Furd)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/72 "2001-08-06T08:58:58Z")
I couldn’t agree more that beer is better than Jesus. And, just for the record, I think beer is the nastiest shit ever invented. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/73 "2001-08-06T11:28:13Z")
When you offer someone beer in a bar on Saturday night, they don’t give you a dirty look and tell you to mind your own business. –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/74 "2001-08-06T12:06:16Z")
To play devil’s advocate, no child is born with fetal Jesus syndrome. Sadly, I do know a few children who could said to be affected by “childhood Jesus syndrome.” ---
**Author:** ![bmorey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/76d3ee/32.png) [@bmorey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bmorey)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/75 "2001-08-11T04:38:39Z")
This accounts for the popularity of beer and the unpopularity of Jesus in Australia. ---
**Author:** ![SteveSteve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SteveSteve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveSteve)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457/76 "2001-08-15T01:31:11Z")
When they go get beer out of the cave after it has been dead for three days it does not have holes in its hands. Right. Or if you take Jesus and pour him into a funnel attached to a length of rubber tubing, and drink every last drop of Jesus, you don’t stand up and yell WOOOOOO! with your arms out like you are the master of all that you survey. And then there is the whole “Jesus before Liqour never felt sicker” thing. All in all I prefer gin. Maybe a “Gin or Jehova” thread? Or if we want to not be so judeo-christian/AA, maybe “Black Tar Heroin or Buddha”? Just a thought… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-10-reasons-beer-is-better-than-jesus/71457.md?page=3)