# Top five lies...... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 1, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987 "2004-03-01T23:03:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nitroglycerine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@nitroglycerine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nitroglycerine)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/1 "2004-03-01T23:03:52Z")
(Not counting “I didn’t do it” and “The check is in the mail”, of course): 5-“Dude, it wasn’t my fault…you’re 'ol lady came on to ME.” 4-“How is it?” “Its OK, you know, it gets you high” That’s a sure guarantee that that weed you just paid 30 bucks for ISN’T gonna get you high. 3-“Tastes Great/Less Filling” 2-"…No, sorry…this is the only cigarette I have on me." 1-"Oops, I could have SWORN I hit ‘Preview’ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Burrido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/2 "2004-03-01T23:19:22Z")
1- “Seriously, It looks fine.” 2- “Well, when I did it, it worked just fine.” 3- “I know how to cook very well.” 4- “You got the tab tonight? I forgot my wallet.” 5- “No, I was not at the bar tonight” ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/3 "2004-03-01T23:20:49Z")
“Trust me.” ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/4 "2004-03-01T23:52:31Z")
“Oh, she’s, uh, my sister.” “I do.” “Just one beer, occifer.” “It’s the cold water that’s doing that.” “I’ll never drink ever again, as long as I live.” ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/5 "2004-03-01T23:53:45Z")
1. Really? I LOVE basketball/hockey/football/baseball. (women only). 2. I’ll have it for you first thing tomorrow. 3. Your butt looks fine. (men only) 4. I’ll call you tomorrow. 5. I love you. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/6 "2004-03-02T00:06:20Z")
3 - “I know this girl that you should get together with.”, Me, “Ok, cool.” Next week rolls around. “So…”, says I. “Uh…, She had to go to a wedding.” All too common of a situation with me. 2 - “I’ll be in, in 5 minutes.” Usually, the late worker ends up 20 minutes late. 1 - “I tried calling you all day!” Uh, no you didn’t. I have caller ID and my recent call list is empty. I can’t think of 2 more right now. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/7 "2004-03-02T02:50:42Z")
1. In a minute. ( its never in a minute ) 2. I’ll do it later. ( yeah, right… ) 3. It was only X amount of dollars. ( in reality, it was probably XX amount! ) 4. Just one more [insert adult beverage here] and I’ve gotta go. ( three later repeat statement ) 5. I don’t masturbate. ( everyone does it, those who say they don’t are lying, and we all know there are two kinds of liars 1) those who say the never did it, and 2) those who say they quit. ) ---
**Author:** ![Necro\_Romancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/50afbb/32.png) [@Necro\_Romancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necro_Romancer)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/8 "2004-03-02T03:05:08Z")
1. Your parents? Oh, they aren’t dead. Well it would be bad! ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/9 "2004-03-02T03:14:52Z")
“The check is in the mail” “Don’t worry, he won’t bite.” “If elected I promise to (fill in the blank)” “I don’t hate (insert minority group here), but–” “We’re only doing this for your own good.” ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/10 "2004-03-02T03:25:38Z")
“Don’t worry, I do this all the time.” “I’ll pick it up before I go to bed.” “I swear, I looked there!” “No, um, I’m busy that night.” “Sorry, bad traffic.” ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/11 "2004-03-02T03:36:58Z")
Whoops, I didn’t notice that we weren’t supposed to include “The check is in the mail”, so how about “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt a bit.” ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/12 "2004-03-02T03:54:02Z")
nobody remembered to add this? 1. “I won’t come in your mouth. Really!” ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/13 "2004-03-02T03:59:35Z")
“I’ll do it first thing in the morning, I promise” “My watch must have stopped” “Nobody was laughing at you, honey” “Of course I’m attracted to you. I just have a headache tonight is all!” “That’s a great idea!” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/14 "2004-03-02T04:06:13Z")
How was I to know she was 13? (She looked 15.) No, I don’t think your friend is cuter. I love your family/dog/cat/friends. I’ll call you. I was drunk, she was drunk… ---
**Author:** ![onnagurui\_akki\_the\_unseelie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/5f9b8f/32.png) [@onnagurui\_akki\_the\_unseelie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/onnagurui_akki_the_unseelie)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/15 "2004-03-02T04:15:04Z")
My all time favorite is “would I lie to you?”. Maybe followed closely by " Can I bum a dollar, I’ll get you back tomorrow". ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/16 "2004-03-02T07:25:37Z")
1. This will only hurt for a little while 2. I’ll only out the head of it in 3. I promise that I’ll never try to come in your mouth At least according to David Allen Coe. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/17 "2004-03-02T07:53:00Z")
5.) Yes I’ve been taking the pill and haven’t missed not one day. 4.) I promise I’ll pull out. 3.) I like you for YOU. (and not your body) 2.) I love you. 1.) I love you too. _Sadly I was thumbing through my GF’s Cosmo one day. (looking for dirty pictures) and read a survey done in it called “top ten lies” or something like that and the top two lies told by both men and women were “I love you” and “I ove you too.”_ ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/18 "2004-03-02T09:28:52Z")
I can only think of one. Mostly women: “It’s not you, it’s me.” It is most certainly you. ---
**Author:** ![odd-socks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c67d28/32.png) [@odd-socks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/odd-socks)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/19 "2004-03-02T10:57:45Z")
“Your job is safe.” “I won’t cheat on you.” - yeah riiiiiiiiiiight. ---
**Author:** ![Murcielago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Murcielago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Murcielago)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2004, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987/20 "2004-03-02T11:01:51Z")
1. He started it. 2. I don’t know, it was broken when I got here. 3. The damn computer ate it. 4. Wait…she said I said THAT? What a bitch, I can’t believe you stay friends with her. 5. I didn’t plan this, it just…happened. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-five-lies/231987.md?page=2)