# Top Ten Reasons To Be a Doper **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 3, 2009, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835 "2009-04-03T10:39:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/1 "2009-04-03T10:39:09Z")
I know there are a (teeming) million reasons to be a Doper, but surely we can figure out what the top ten are. #3, is, (alas?) inevitably, “Hi, Opal!” – but what are the other nine? ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/2 "2009-04-03T10:59:55Z")
I’ll start with two: 1. The erudition displayed by countless Dopers. 2. The devastating wit. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/3 "2009-04-03T11:01:54Z")
1. Think “Hi, Opal” is hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/4 "2009-04-03T11:14:29Z")
1. You are [this person](http://xkcd.com/386/). You know you are. ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/5 "2009-04-03T11:19:09Z")
Truth be told, I’m just in it for the hookers & blow parties. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/6 "2009-04-03T11:27:15Z")
And the money. Don’t forget the money. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/7 "2009-04-03T12:24:13Z")
I was in it to track down suspected Soviet spies. Then I found it was cooler than what I figured, so I stayed. We still have Soviet spies here on the boards, but I admit, I love the palpable intrigue and constant cat-and-mouse action. Tripler . . . and the car chase scenes are friggin’ cool too. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/8 "2009-04-03T12:33:09Z")
Dopers usually get out of parking tickets when they give the secret handshake. ---
**Author:** ![Theodore\_Striker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Theodore\_Striker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Theodore_Striker)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/9 "2009-04-03T12:36:49Z")
Dropping the “cite” bomb whenever you damn well please. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/10 "2009-04-03T12:38:09Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > I was in it to track down suspected Soviet spies… In Soviet Russia, Hookers blow YOU! Wait…that 's not funny. 1. Even the most morbidly insane posters run the risk of asking an interesting and well-thought-out question. Although they invariably put it in the wrong forum, and the mod for that forum doesn’t recognize it as a question and so locks it down. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/11 "2009-04-03T12:47:21Z")
You can have sex with tons of women, but screw a sheep _one_ time… ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/12 "2009-04-03T13:09:05Z")
1. When the chips are down, you can say “Lick my hairy nutsack, you crazy-ass bitch.” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/13 "2009-04-03T13:13:48Z")
You get to interact with me. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/14 "2009-04-03T13:25:57Z")
I’m just here for the pi. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/15 "2009-04-03T20:00:10Z")
Where else would I have learned the proper response to “Are you a turtle?” Does that require another question mark? I hate punctuation. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/16 "2009-04-03T20:01:41Z")
You have a huge penis and an IQ three standard deviations above the mean. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/17 "2009-04-03T20:02:34Z")
Some of the smartest, coolest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/18 "2009-04-03T20:12:42Z")
Our complete disdain for lesser mortals. New members bring beer and chocolate in the ultimate Ponzi scheme. The Doper picture threads. Beer! Going on vacation or business virtually anywhere and being able to meet another Doper. It’s the ultimate in exclusive clubbiness. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/19 "2009-04-03T20:26:38Z")
> [@Maeglin](#): > > You have a huge penis and an IQ three standard deviations above the mean. People that state the bloody obvious. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835/20 "2009-04-03T20:38:39Z")
Two words: squid party. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-reasons-to-be-a-doper/491835.md?page=2)