# Top Ten Signs a Jack Chick Character is Evil **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 15, 2002, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685 "2002-04-15T03:51:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/1 "2002-04-15T03:51:11Z")
1. He or she gets hostile whenever good Christians start proselytizing aggressively. 2. He has big hairy hands, or is merely excessively scribbly. Bonus points if it’s a woman we’re talking about. 3. He is a hairy gay guy who dresses like a badly costumed drag queen ALL THE FURSHLUGGINER TIME. 4. He or she prefers leather jackets to polyester pantsuits. 5. She is showing any cleavage whatsoever. 6. He or she wears a peace sign and the number 666 on the same article of clothing. 7. He/she is surrounded by demons who look and talk like Casper the Friendly Ghost’s evil brothers. 8. Hi Opal. (Sorry, I had to do that at least once.) 9. Failure to “bend over for the Lord” by the end of the tract. 10. Haw haw haw! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/2 "2002-04-15T05:19:15Z")
No, no, you’ve got it wrong. The evilness of a Chick tract character is directly proportional to the amount of spit flying out of their mouth when they’re raving during their obligatory close-up. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/3 "2002-04-15T05:46:55Z")
Oh yeah, that too. ---
**Author:** ![Kirkland1244](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kirkland1244](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kirkland1244)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/4 "2002-04-15T06:00:16Z")
His villains also tend to be overweight, at least the powerful male types, and his heros tend to be gorgeous young men who look like they’re fresh outta Bible school. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/5 "2002-04-15T06:37:20Z")
At least, Chick’s interpretation of gorgeous young men. This translates to “wooden-looking versions of Rex Morgan M. D.” ---
**Author:** ![Kirkland1244](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kirkland1244](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kirkland1244)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/6 "2002-04-15T07:27:12Z")
Well, I find them attractive. Some of 'em. The Christian stud in “Dark Dungeons” was mighty cute. Kirk ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/7 "2002-04-15T07:48:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kirkland1244 \* > \*\*Well, I find them attractive. Some of 'em. The Christian stud in “Dark Dungeons” was mighty cute. > > Kirk \*\* You realize that in Chick’s view, you just bought a coach ticket to the lake of fire, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/8 "2002-04-15T07:59:58Z")
Thanks to Jack Chick, I now know that ‘evil’ means ‘I have a lumpy face’ ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/9 "2002-04-15T10:13:33Z")
You forgot to mention "Holding a sign saying “Proud to be Gay.” Or, if they’re a Catholic Priest or Pope. Sure sign they’re workin’ for the Devil. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/10 "2002-04-15T10:54:49Z")
It’s also completely true that, until people are saved, they are capable of only four facial expressions: [list=1] [li]Evil Grin[/li][li]Wicked Scowl[/li][li]Perverted Leer[/li][li]Arrogant Disinterest[/li][/list=1] ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/11 "2002-04-15T10:55:53Z")
(unless they are children in which case they are also allowed to look confused). ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/12 "2002-04-15T11:12:26Z")
People, people…good lists all, but you’ve forgotten one: [Big nose](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0014/0014_01.asp)\*, claw-like hands, leering (one might say “greedy”) expression: why who can it be? It’s a JEW! (fear me!) Actually, Chick has a bizarre schizophrenic view of Jews. Chick subscribes to an [idea](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1000/1000_01.asp) that if you mistreat the Jews en masse, your country goes to hell: Egypt was mean to the Jews and is a mess, Russia mistreated the Jews and is a mess. England “crossed the Jews” and is now the hellhole we think of when we consider the once green and pleasant land. Germany also mistreated the Jews and…um…oops. But America treated the Jews nicely and lookit us! We _rock_! But he **ALSO** believes his version of Christ sends Jews to Hell for not believing in Him. Throwing someone in Hell is abuse and his version of Christ must have tossed a _lot_ of Jews in Hell, so apparently since his Christ is abusing Jews, Chicks version of Heaven has a high crime rate and runaway inflation. Fenris \*Apparently, to make this pamphlet even worse, apparently Rabbi Waxman is a real person, as is his son. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/13 "2002-04-15T11:19:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > \*\*England “crossed the Jews” and is now the hellhole we think of when we consider the once green and pleasant land. \*\* HAW HAW HAW! ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/14 "2002-04-15T11:48:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fenris \* > \*\*Chick subscribes to an [idea](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1000/1000_01.asp) \*\* From that link: > [@](#): > > But Egypt made a fatal mistake. The slaves she used to build her empire belonged to someone else. And their rightful owner watched the Egyptians mistreat His people for 400 years. _ **Now He was going to stop it!** _ Why’d he wait so long, again, Jack? There’s plenty to critique there, but I just have to say - _ **Upper Volta** _??!? Can the man not even consult an **atlas** properly? [sub](The tract was written in 1998. UV’s been Burkina Faso since 1984.)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/15 "2002-04-15T12:05:45Z")
Interesting; that link that **Protesilaus** provided even shows Hitler in a way that I find a bit harsh. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/16 "2002-04-15T16:50:41Z")
oooh!! you forgot the one sure sign of evilness! hair length! long hair on men = evil short hair on women = evil and vice versa! all those hippies with their shoulder length hair should be STONED, STONED I TELLS YA!!! (and not in the fun way) ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/17 "2002-04-15T17:12:32Z")
> [@](#): > > You realize that in Chick’s view, you just bought a coach ticket to the lake of fire, don’t you? Be fair to the guy – in Chick’s view, he’s already got an express charter there – after all, he’s both gay and Catholic. Hmmm, **Kirk** – you might check out Chick Publications and see if there’s anything else you want to add on to your resumé! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/18 "2002-04-15T18:09:31Z")
Adam Thrasher (Spacemoose) did a really funny aprody of his cartoon 🙂 (Search for it on your own, I don’t think the admin’s would like a url for that comic.) ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/19 "2002-04-15T19:23:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > \*\*Be fair to the guy – in Chick’s view, he’s already got an express charter there – after all, he’s both gay and Catholic. > \*\* Is that like a double negative, making it a positive? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685/20 "2002-04-15T19:26:07Z")
There have been a lot of Chick parodies. [This](http://www.fecundity.com/darkdung/) page shows the MST3K crew deconstructing Chick’s _Dark Dungeons_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-signs-a-jack-chick-character-is-evil/103685.md?page=2)