# Top Ten Things Saddam Sair Before the Bombs Hit **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 9, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589 "2003-04-09T17:19:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bluesman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/97f17d/32.png) [@Bluesman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluesman)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/1 "2003-04-09T17:19:09Z")
1. QUSAY! Stop that dam’ whistling, it’s distracting. 2. If the bunker is so hard for 'em to get in, ain’t it gonna be hard for me to get OUT? 3. Air France? Yeah, book me one way to Paris, please. Yeah, just one ticket. 4. Hey, General, your boys are doing an excellent job out there in the streets of Baghdad. But remember during the staff meetings I said I wanted 'em to do a great job in KUWAIT? 5. Does anybody else here smell burnt almonds? (Obscure chem warfare reference.) 6. HAHAHA! It’s only my bodyguard, showing us his fastdraw move. You guys were SOOOO scared! HAHAHAHA…uh-oh. 7. DAMMIT! Forgot my toothbrush. Uday, run back to the Palace and get it for me. 8. Smart-ass American colonel - first he takes my best house, then he drives around town in my car…THEN he smacks my wife on the butt, and yells, “TARGET IDENTIFIED- ENGAGE!” 9. I bet Tony Soprano don’t gotta put up with dis kinda disrespect! And the Number One Thing Heard Before Bombs Hit Saddam: 10. Call the Chirac back - tell him he failed. There’s nothing in the world that can prevent the truth from coming out, about France’s double-dealing, cynical, criminal assistance of my regime, even as he strutted around the world stage, crowing about his solidarity with decent countries’ work to disarm me. Tell him I’ve seen the American soldiers’ faces, and even at this distance, I can see that they’re determined to prevent the likes of him and his kind screwing up the world any worse than he already has. Finally, make sure he knows that he’s a little man, and he’s never been anything but a blight on the world, and I’ll see him in hell. “You are now leaving the American Sector” - Sign at Checkpoint Charlie, Berlin ---
**Author:** ![Bluesman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/97f17d/32.png) [@Bluesman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluesman)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/2 "2003-04-09T17:25:20Z")
Hey, did you ever notice how close the ‘r’ and the ‘d’ are on computer keyboards? I just noticer that.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/3 "2003-04-09T17:51:51Z")
Yeah, but you’re so damn cute when you blush. ---
**Author:** ![Schnitte](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/schnitte/32/9033_2.png) [@Schnitte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schnitte)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/4 "2003-04-09T18:42:17Z")
I can’t help but think there’s a certain anti-French attitude lurking in that post. Nevermind. My guess for the Thing Saddam Said before The Bombs Hit: “You can start preparing lunch, Osama. I’m coming. Oh, and I think you should shop for three guys next time. Assad will be with us soon.” Clearly the former dicators club has a new member. ---
**Author:** ![Bluesman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/97f17d/32.png) [@Bluesman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluesman)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/5 "2003-04-09T18:59:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Schnitte \* > **I can’t help but think there’s a certain anti-French attitude lurking in that post.** Not so much anti-French, but definitely anti-Chirac. But if the State Department can resist their temptation to soft-mouth what we will find out about the French government’s perfidy - if the whole truth comes out - THEN if the French government does not fall in a scandal worse than Watergate, THEN I’ll be anti-French, and they will have the government they deserve. ---
**Author:** ![Bluesman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/97f17d/32.png) [@Bluesman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluesman)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/6 "2003-04-09T19:04:17Z")
Oh, and just let me say, **Schnitte** , the best four years of my life were spent in Bad Aibling. I love your country almost as much as I love my own, and I doubt I’ll ever be that happy again. I have weissblau running through my veins. Wo wohnen Sie? Welches stadt? ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/7 "2003-04-09T19:08:12Z")
Oh, no fear of that. There are, 10 ka-BILLION reporters in Iraq right now. And even more pissed-off servicemen and women. Yes, if the intel weenies (know any?)(_blinks innocently_) get to the data first it might be hushed up. But if anyone else does it’ll break the sound barrier getting out. And one of the news outlets will start hammering it. Heck, there’s always Fox, right? ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/8 "2003-04-09T20:57:03Z")
Last thing he said in the bunker \*So what’s plan B again? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/9 "2003-04-09T21:04:41Z")
Hell, I was thinking “And we never got to hear Free Bird.” ---
**Author:** ![wolfstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wolfstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfstu)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/10 "2003-04-09T23:11:42Z")
_Clutching a raggedy old teddy bear:_ THIS is **ALL _YOUR_ FAULT!** ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/11 "2003-04-10T00:21:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bluesman \* > **the French government’s perfidy** I am shocked, _ **shocked** _ to hear that the French might have been playing less than straight with us! ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2003, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-ten-things-saddam-sair-before-the-bombs-hit/167589/12 "2003-04-10T00:50:08Z")
“So my plan sucks, huh? When YOU have a statue in the middle of Baghdad then we’ll start listening to YOUR opinion.”