# Top the previous poster's ridiculous threat **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 17, 2009, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791 "2009-08-17T23:34:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/21 "2009-08-18T07:35:47Z")
Do that, and your fate will be spoken of in hushed tones for millennia. You shall suffer in unspeakably grotesque ways. I shall call down monstrosities from beyond the stars, beasts from the depths of the Earth and allow them to perform their unspeakable will upon you. The ghouls shall dance in your flayed skin even as Those From Outside bear away your screaming soul to He Who Shall Not Be Named. And the shoggoths will feed upon your shattered bones and ruptured flesh. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/22 "2009-08-18T07:44:52Z")
If you do that one more time I will turn this thread around and we will go straight home. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/23 "2009-08-18T07:54:47Z")
Do that again and I’ll make Glenn Beck put on a Burger King mask and do the Macarena at your birthday party. ---
**Author:** ![Myrrajh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/87869e/32.png) [@Myrrajh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrrajh)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/24 "2009-08-18T08:26:17Z")
You just stop it right now or I’ll call Madonna and tell her to adopt you! ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/25 "2009-08-18T10:36:16Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > Do that again and I’ll make Glenn Beck put on a Burger King mask and do the Macarena at your birthday party. Do _that_ and Mr. Beck will repeat his performance _naked_. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/26 "2009-08-18T11:28:29Z")
I will take you, take you far beyond. The places you’ll see, the places you’ll go! First we’ll visit torment, where your flesh will feel as if billions of pins were focused at each point, that fire was searing your very nervous system itself. Then we shall visit sin. Your mind, your mind shall be filled with all of it, every act of genocide, every infidelity, every act of torture, the sickening thoughts of the powerful and those who oppose them. Every underhanded rotten scheme perpetuated by the greed of man shall overcome your senses, even every little niggling doubt about a true friend shall occupy your mind. Even if for a brief moment, your experiencing this side of eternity shall fill you with rage, with _despair_. And then… nothing. You will feel alone, truly alone. A conscious nonexistence - the final irony. Have you ever felt alone? It is madness, it is pain, it is the complete understanding that where you are no matter the joy you want to share or the fears you need to purge no one, _nothing_, will ever be there to hear you. Oh, but you will not be truly alone, my friend. There exist Things at the edge of the universe, those that enjoy finding those foolish… or unlucky enough to venture to the boundaries of Their domain. They are beings that would consider the creations of Lovecraft to be fit for nothing more than entertaining children. Incomprehensible. Unknowable. They may decide to grace you with their presence, play with you now and then. Do not fight, do not feel fear if you can. It heightens the taste, increases the fun. And then They shall deposit you back into the very pocket of reality They took you from, perhaps deciding to visit you again from time to time, friend… for all eternity, _neverending_. This is what awaits those who cross me ---
**Author:** ![I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e19adc/32.png) [@I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Am_The_Lorax)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/27 "2009-08-18T11:40:48Z")
**Jragon** ,your mom sounds like a real peach. For making me read that, I shall take a meat grinder to your butt, fry the mush into a patty, slather it with Miracle Whip, and feed it to your kids while I make you dance the polka for thier amusement. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/28 "2009-08-18T11:43:05Z")
I will fart in your general direction, and cause a hazmat incident. ---
**Author:** ![KennerTheGreat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a8b319/32.png) [@KennerTheGreat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KennerTheGreat)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/29 "2009-08-18T12:05:37Z")
I’m gonna rip off your head, and shit down your neck!! ---
**Author:** ![Lurking\_Quahog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lurking_quahog/32/21274_2.png) [@Lurking\_Quahog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lurking_Quahog)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/30 "2009-08-18T14:09:36Z")
Don’t make me take my belt off! ---
**Author:** ![Kiber](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kiber/32/317_2.png) [@Kiber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiber)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/31 "2009-08-18T14:14:04Z")
2 Words: Wet Willy. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/32 "2009-08-18T14:30:37Z")
I’ll eat ya face with a spatula! ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/33 "2009-08-18T14:39:20Z")
First I’m gonna hurt you. Then I’m going to fuck you. Then I’m going to hurt you some more. And maybe, I’ll fuck you some more too. ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/34 "2009-08-18T14:41:19Z")
_“If you don’t behave, you’re going to Hell when you die!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/35 "2009-08-18T14:50:43Z")
I am going to lock you in a room with **Rand Rover.** ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/36 "2009-08-18T14:54:58Z")
I’m going to rip off your arm and beat you to death with it. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/37 "2009-08-18T14:57:10Z")
I’m going to rip off your husband’s cock and choke you to death on it. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/38 "2009-08-18T15:51:53Z")
If you don’t drop your sword this instant, I will cut off your feet below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose. The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by the right. Your ears you keep, and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish, every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out: “Dear God, what is that thing?” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what “to the pain” means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery, forever. And I’ll do it, too. Don’t think I won’t. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/39 "2009-08-18T15:56:48Z")
Wait 'til your father gets home … ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2009, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/40 "2009-08-18T16:02:41Z")
Stop it right now, or so help me Og I WILL resurrect Michael Jackson. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791.md?page=3)