# Top the previous poster's ridiculous threat **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 17, 2009, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791 "2009-08-17T23:34:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/61 "2009-08-19T04:32:48Z")
> [@tr0psn4j](#): > > I’ll fuckin… > I’ll fuckin… > Sew your asshole closed, and keep feedin you, and feedin you, and feedin you, and feedin you. Haaaaa! Method man! ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/62 "2009-08-19T08:07:57Z")
I’m gonna draw nipples on yer ass and tittie fuck ya! ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/63 "2009-08-19T16:22:41Z")
I’ll beat on you till your face looks just like mine. ---
**Author:** ![janeslogin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@janeslogin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janeslogin)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/64 "2009-08-19T17:01:33Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > Stop what you’re doing right now or so help me, I’ll _DESTROY THE UNIVERSE!_ MacTech, if I thought you could really destroy the bloody universe then I would make every effort \*\*not \*\*to stop what I’m doing right now. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/65 "2009-08-19T18:54:58Z")
I’ll be your very bestest friend, ever. I’ll follow you everywhere. I’ll help you all the time, and do all those little chores you hate. I’ll tuck you into bed at night, and wake you in the morning with a fresh breakfast. I will make sure you never forget any appointments. I will be your constant companion, and be unfailingly helpful the whole time we’re together. Until at some point, when I get bored of this, I decide to destroy you. ETA: I’ll even proof all your SDMB posts so you never had to edit again. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/66 "2009-08-19T19:39:22Z")
From my childhood experience, there is simply no threat with greater dread attached than: “Go to your room and wait until your father gets home.” Oh holy shit. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/67 "2009-08-19T19:41:17Z")
I will insert you into that infinitesimal of gray flash that presents itself between the commercial and tonight’s feature presentation. ---
**Author:** ![Never\_Say\_Dice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee59a6/32.png) [@Never\_Say\_Dice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Never_Say_Dice)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/68 "2009-08-19T22:54:04Z")
I’ll make you wish that Alaska never even had a governor! ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/69 "2009-08-19T23:05:00Z")
You’ve been **very** bad, now **GO TO MY ROOM!** ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2009, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/70 "2009-08-20T02:47:15Z")
Actually said by my friends father on the telephone to the policeman who had confiscated their model rockets: “Now you give those boys their toys back or I’ll come down there and piss all over you!” ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2009, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/71 "2009-08-20T03:15:23Z")
When you least expect it, I will come for you and I will take you away. You will discover what it feels like to be burned alive. You will know the pain of having your skin flensed from your flesh, having each bone ripped out, all this and more. You will beg for Death to come and release you, but he will not come. With each new punishment you will learn a new definition of the word agony. Then I will whisper in your ear each sin, each betrayal you have had a hand in. I will whisper the name of every person you have ever hurt. I will let the first one kill you in any way he sees fit. For a while you will languish in the deepest, coldest part of the vilest, darkest underworld. Then I shall reach down with my foul claws and grasp your slimy, malformed soul, and put it back into your body. Then the rest, the rest of those you have wronged, will come forth. Each in turn will inflict upon you the worst torture they can imagine, and each will kill you again. Only then will I reveal to you the true face of the one you have crossed and only then will the true punishment begin. Or you can let me have the last piece of pie. Your call. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2009, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/72 "2009-08-20T03:17:50Z")
Cross me again, and you’ll be **Qadgop** ’s next funny prison story. ---
**Author:** ![Randy\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee7513/32.png) [@Randy\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randy_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2009, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/73 "2009-08-20T04:03:02Z")
Don’t say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I’ve been polite. If you say **anything** else - word **one** - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this **fear engine** will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of **nothing** will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth. -[Penny Arcade](http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/04/10/) ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2009, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/74 "2009-08-20T13:51:57Z")
I’ll make pop-up ads nag you in real-life! ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/75 "2009-08-20T14:06:43Z")
If you mention this to anyone your life will be both short and full of excitement. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2009, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/76 "2009-08-20T14:13:48Z")
I’ll say I’ll water your plants while you’re on vacation, but I _won’t really do it_. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2009, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/77 "2009-08-20T14:21:34Z")
I warn you - I know your notepaper. I know your handwriting. I know your baking. Cross me once - just once - and the entire neighborhood gets Ex-Lax brownies “with love from you.” Cross me again, it’s anthrax lemon bars. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2009, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/78 "2009-08-21T06:20:11Z")
> [@Randy\_Seltzer](#): > > I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth. > > -[Penny Arcade](http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/04/10/) I rather liked the [dramatic reading](http://songthatendsworld.ytmnd.com/). Oh, and I want you to remember something. Even those who think themselves cavalier, or merely “jaded.” Just one thing…there is _always_ something more that can be taken from you. No matter how bad off you are, despite everything you may have lost. The final, single point at which the only mercy possible is that no more can be cut away, noticed even only by it’s absence, is when the last animating spark of life has been reft beyond the point of anything called “human.” To be human is to be capable of loss. To say that anything less is merely “life” falls so short as to be glib…for one of the last things that can be taken away is the simple, insensate hope for oblivion itself. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/79 "2009-08-21T20:09:01Z")
Don’t make me say it, but … if this keeps up… it could… GO ON YOUR PERMANENT RECORD!!! ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791/80 "2009-08-21T20:18:00Z")
I’ll ban you from the SDMB! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/top-the-previous-posters-ridiculous-threat/506791.md?page=5)