# Total Carnage Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2001, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226 "2001-03-31T07:35:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/1 "2001-03-31T07:35:06Z")
Anyone who has been here a while has seen that a great deal of cyber sugary stuff goes on here. Hugs, kisses, back rubs, pillow fights, scented oils, apreciation threads, etc. Well, this thread it the antithisis of all that. I’m inviting all posters to bring your weapons of mass destruction here. I don’t care what you use, virtual guns, knives, shovels, fists or knitting needles, but let’s have fun blowing each other to pieces! Who do I expect to thrive here? Why, rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswaggelers, horse theaves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, asskickers, shit kickers AND…Methodists! ::Pulls the pin on a hand grenade, and leans it on it’s spoon against the door, waiting for the next person to come into the room:: BTW- I’m invoking internet magic, so nobody dies, no matter what happens to them. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/2 "2001-03-31T07:40:54Z")
This fuckin’ thread is destined to go to the goddamn pit. I’ll wait 'til then. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/3 "2001-03-31T07:52:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > **Why,bull dykes AND…Methodists!** You rang? ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/4 "2001-03-31T08:12:28Z")
_pulls up in Ryder Truck_ I’m hip. When’s the fun begin? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/5 "2001-03-31T08:14:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Saint Zero \* > \*\*_pulls up in Ryder Truck_ > > I’m hip. When’s the fun begin? 😃 \*\* _removes Florida ballots from back_ Ya know, hon, it might be easier transporting to the carnage without these… _gdr_ ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/6 "2001-03-31T08:25:07Z")
:::::gets out voodoo dolls and commences burning, poking and prodding specific people in my life in very uncomfortable ways::::: ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/7 "2001-03-31T11:06:58Z")
Ow! ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/8 "2001-03-31T11:12:25Z")
- Whips out **custard-filled sock** \* - Evil glint \* - Whirling **custard-filled sock** around my head, building momentum… \* ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/9 "2001-03-31T12:57:30Z")
Hmmm, the grenade didn’t go off. Lemmie just look… _ **BANG!!** _ OW!!! ::Pulls out a beer bottle and whaps Techchick on the head:: (Doorsrule-this isn’t a pit type thread. It’s not a place to target anyone specific, just a place to rumble wildly for no reason,see? TC is a good friend, and I just whacked her with a bottle, get it?) ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/10 "2001-03-31T13:12:04Z")
Enters, notices **techchick** is groggy and unsteady on her feet. Runs up to her with arms outstretched… “Oh, Let me help you **techchick** baby…” _( **whap** left to the chin followed by **WHAP** a fierce right hook Techchick slumps to the floor)_ “Oh did that hurt dear? Good. **I** feel fine! Now where are those good friends who gave away the Survivor news? no particular reason for wanting them, of course. This isn’t the Pit, after all. Yet…” Takes length of wood with a nail in one end from bag. Eyes gleaming wildly. “Anyone here go into chat rooms pretending to be a 12 year old girl? Come on pervo, my good friend chosen completely at random as outlined in the rules, come and get it!!” ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/11 "2001-03-31T14:40:02Z")
:::Persephone slips in, crochet hooks of several sizes hidden in her trench coat, and slips up behind **Redboss** ::: Whack my friend techchick, will ya? :::jams an H hook into the base of Redboss’ skull, scrambles his brain a bit::: My, that was a refreshing change! Thanks, **weirddave!** ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/12 "2001-03-31T14:55:39Z")
Slips in nonchalantly, and pulls out cans of Silly String[sup] **TM** [/sup], but not your ordinary Silly String[sup] **TM** [/sup]… it is specially formulated to react with bare skin and become a fast-acting, flesh-eating bacteria that renders a body skeletal in mere seconds. Soon the room is filled with Threads of Death[sup] **TM** [/sup] and all occupants are reduced to collections of bones. Naturally, I’m safe, having donned my FairyChatMom Invisible Suit of Invincibility[sup] **TM** [/sup]… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/13 "2001-03-31T15:19:25Z")
… after a lengthy dinner at three a.m. of beer and hard boiled eggs. :bbrraaaattttt: GAS! GAS! GAS! :aforementioned piles of bones slump to the floor unconscious while **UncleBill** sidles up to the bar: ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/14 "2001-03-31T15:23:03Z")
Thinking quickly before her bones collapse to the floor, Persephone crochets the Silly String O’ Doom into a nifty scarf, and tosses it over FCM’s neck, which became exposed when FCM tossed her head back in evil laughter. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/15 "2001-03-31T16:04:04Z")
Having detonated his Truck from a safe distance, Saint Zero remained safe from the Silly String O Doom attack. His truck detonates, blowing everything in a 8 block radius into rubble. [sub]Cartoon Physics. Gotta love it.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/16 "2001-03-31T19:55:58Z")
:::::calls to vicious pit bull dogs::::: \< whistle \> sick em…get Weirddave, get Redboss, get em boys, get em. ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/17 "2001-03-31T20:12:10Z")
::casually pours gasoline in the window and throws a match in after it:: You must understand this is nothing personal… but watching fire is always fun, no? ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/18 "2001-03-31T20:31:46Z")
Good timing **Le Sang** , those pit bulls were gnawing on my leg! Now they’re just krispy kritters! And this singed hair means I won’t have to shave for a while, so I won’t be needing **THIS!** :pulls out bloody Razor Blade collection and hurls them indicriminately about the room, including through the window at **Le Sang** : ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/19 "2001-03-31T20:41:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\*Good timing **Le Sang** , those pit bulls were gnawing on my leg! Now they’re just krispy kritters! And this singed hair means I won’t have to shave for a while, so I won’t be needing **THIS!** > > :pulls out bloody Razor Blade collection and hurls them indicriminately about the room, including through the window at **Le Sang** : \*\* I thought you didn’t have to shave for awhile now **anyway** … what’s left to take off? _ducks out the door before she gets hit by anything that could do her bodily harm, 'cause she don’t like harm on her body_ ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2001, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226/20 "2001-03-31T20:55:36Z")
_pushes a 65 inch monitor television into the room with a VCR placed on top_ Hey kids, it’s time to play with the big boys. Behold the ultimate weapon of doom. _hits play button and puts in earplugs, the screen flickers to life to reveal everyone’s favourite purple dinosaur singing “I love you, you love me” at 120db_ **Did I mention there’s no off switch and that this television is protected by one of FCM’s invisible force fields?** MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! _runs from the room as the Pit Bulls begin howling in pain_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-carnage-thread/60226.md?page=2)