# Total FUCKER fails to tell fiancee he's HIV+, marries her, and infects her **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 10, 2003, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820 "2003-06-10T10:12:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/1 "2003-06-10T10:12:17Z")
[http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2977684.stm](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2977684.stm) How the flying **FUCK!!!** could someone do this to someone they love and marry? Someone they may even want to have children with? Nothing AT ALL excuses this. AT ALL. Even if he was too shit scared to tell her, he should have dumped her for another reason. He didn’t even wear a fucking condom. I feel somewhat sorry for the doctors, but hopefully this ruling will lead to laws to protect women like this. I have been told that in Saudi Arabia (where people often complain women’s rights are neglible) if doctors test a man positive for HIV, they have to inform his spouse. I hope the woman has divorced this prick and sues him for attempted murder. BTW: this is not an anti-HIV patients rant. It is about someone infected with an almost certainly fatal, incurable virus (so goes for other diseases such as Hepatitis) deliberately putting their unaware partner at risk. ---
**Author:** ![Fin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@Fin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fin_man)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/2 "2003-06-10T11:45:02Z")
I think it sucks that he didn’t tell her. However, I am concerned when the article says: > [@](#): > > She {the infected woman} said Sydney doctors Nicholas Harvey and King Weng Chen should have warned her of her husband-to-be’s condition. What about doctor/patient confidentiality? However, I agree with the article in that > [@](#): > > Judge Jerrold Cripps ruled the two doctors should have warned the woman’s fiancé he would be breaking the law if he did not tell her he had HIV. But the question remains, did she ever ask the guy? It says in the article > [@](#): > > The woman told the court she believed both tests were negative. Not trying to blame the victim but did she even ask? The guy is an ass since he didn’t tell her. The doctors are idiots for not informing him that he should tell her. The woman is an idiot if she never asked him for the results. ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_Hicks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Ben\_Hicks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_Hicks)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/3 "2003-06-10T11:47:29Z")
> [@](#): > > The guy is an ass since he didn’t tell her. The guy is a _murderer_ because he didn’t tell her. ---
**Author:** ![MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bb73d2/32.png) [@MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_Master_of_Ceremonies)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/4 "2003-06-10T11:48:57Z")
doctor-patient confidentiality is not absolute and when doctors have reason to think that someone is in danger they are obliged to act, even if it means breaching doctor patient confidentiality. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/5 "2003-06-10T12:47:55Z")
IIRC, at least in the UK, doctor-patient confidentiality is not absolute - a judge can force a doctor to breach the patient’s confidence for evidence during a court trial. The only confidentiality that is utterly absolute is that of the catholic confessional. Whatever is said to a priest - even if it’s highly likely a suspected mass murderer has confessed to them - cannot be forced from that priest. I am not sure what the priest’s situation is on voluntarily informing the authorities, if someone seriously dangerous and set to re-offend has made confession to him. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/6 "2003-06-10T12:55:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by istara \* > \*\*The only confidentiality that is utterly absolute is that of the catholic confessional. Whatever is said to a priest - even if it’s highly likely a suspected mass murderer has confessed to them - cannot be forced from that priest. I am not sure what the priest’s situation is on voluntarily informing the authorities, if someone seriously dangerous and set to re-offend has made confession to him. \*\* The priest can’t do it. The Church holds the secrecy of the confessional to be absolute. I could probably come up with a cite from the _Codex Iuris_ with a little research, but my memory is that there are **no** exceptions. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/7 "2003-06-10T13:16:35Z")
1. This mutt needs hunted down and horsedragged. For this crime, which was obviously willful, wanton, and premeditated, is, in fact murder and should be treated as such. 2. Nothing, for my money is confidential enough to engander public safety. Doctor/Patient or Priest/Parishoner, if someone lets a person who has just confessed to a string of serial killings walk out of their establishment, then IMO, they have become accomplices. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/8 "2003-06-10T13:18:47Z")
Ben Hicks said, “The guy is a murderer because he didn’t tell her.” Well, actually no. He didn’t kill anyone. One has to take another’s life in order to be a murderer. He clearly falls into the “Ass” column. ---
**Author:** ![j\_kat\_251](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@j\_kat\_251](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_kat_251)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/9 "2003-06-10T13:20:33Z")
LOL I forgot the part where AIDS DOESN’T KILL YOU ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/10 "2003-06-10T17:32:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by j\_kat\_251 \* > \*\*LOL I forgot the part where AIDS DOESN’T KILL YOU \*\* Apparently you also missed the part where shes not dead. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/11 "2003-06-10T18:24:39Z")
She WILL be though. Talk about pre meditated ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/12 "2003-06-10T18:33:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*She WILL be though. Talk about pre meditated \*\* All of us will be dead someday. Pre-meditation is not obvious, but fear and stupidity are. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/13 "2003-06-10T18:57:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by treis \* > \*\*Apparently you also missed the part where shes not dead. \*\* I must have missed the part where they came up with a cure for HIV and AIDS. I know that logistically, they can’t try this guy for murder, but that’s basically what it boils down to - he’s basically guaranteed that her life will end sooner than it should have. It amazes me that people are actually trying to blame the victim here. Did she ASK? Should she have even fucking HAD to ask? The guy had HIV! He KNEW. He should have the common sense to NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER and NOT INFECT HER. Fucking prick. Ava ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/14 "2003-06-10T18:59:19Z")
Oh God! In the UK and Ireland HIV/AIDS is a notifiable disease, you have to tell the health board, and chase up prior contacts, and IF YOU KNOW THE PATIENT IS PUTTING SOMEONE AT RISK, TELL THEM TOO. Of course patient confidentiality should be breached if someone’s life is at risk. Not for fun. Not because a family member asks. Not if the patient will tell them personally. But if you think that your patient is keeping something from someone which could cause their health to be impaired, you have a duty to inform them. ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_Hicks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Ben\_Hicks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_Hicks)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/15 "2003-06-10T19:00:58Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, actually no. He didn’t kill anyone. One has to take another’s life in order to be a murderer. He clearly falls into the “Ass” column. If he had instead slipped an extrewmely slow working poison or a cancer causing chemical into her food you would surely have no problem with labelling him a murderer. In effect, that is what he _has_ done. Bottom line is she is going to die far sooner than she would have done, because of him. Essentially, he’s a murderer. I’m all for the death penalty for murderers, the cunt should swing from a fucking tree. ---
**Author:** ![Ben\_Hicks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Ben\_Hicks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben_Hicks)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/16 "2003-06-10T19:02:04Z")
> [@](#): > > extrewmely This post has been fuddified by the…oh, nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/17 "2003-06-10T19:17:34Z")
Jeez, **Kalhoun** , that’s an interesting point of view. Do you consider the person responsible for the deaths of Robert Stevens, Thomas Morris, Joseph Curseen, Kathy Nguyen, and Ottilie Lundgren to be a murderer, or merely an ass? So the vector of contamination was an envelope dropped in a mailbox, rather than unprotected sexual contact. What, exactly, distinguishes one from the other? Both willfully introduced someone to pathogens which they knew to have fatal consequences. Oh, wait, I see the difference-- the anthrax mailer made some attempt to communicate to his victims that they were in mortal danger, and the people who actually died were a more-or- less accidental consequence of his actions, and besides, there period of suffering before the disease kills them was much shorter. I guess (s)he’s somewhat less of an ass than “FH” is. ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/18 "2003-06-10T19:20:18Z")
To what extend is AIDS a death sentence these days for someone who can afford modern medical treatments? Does anyone have facts and citations on this? I admit that in the distant past I’ve had sex with someone without grilling them about their medical history. I assumed that they would tell me beforehand if there was any risk for me. There, but for the grace of God, go I. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/19 "2003-06-10T19:22:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mockingbird \* > \*\*All of us will be dead someday. > > Pre-meditation is not obvious, but fear and stupidity are. \*\* What the fuck is stupid about my post, Hastur? The guy knew he had a disease WHICH. HAS. NO. CURE. and he infected someone with the disease that has no cure. In effect, killing her and KNOWING DAMN WELL it will kill her. ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820/20 "2003-06-10T19:35:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kalhoun \* > \*\*Ben Hicks said, “The guy is a murderer because he didn’t tell her.” > > Well, actually no. He didn’t kill anyone. One has to take another’s life in order to be a murderer. He clearly falls into the “Ass” column. \*\* So, hypothetically, if a psychotic medical professional knowingly injected a patient with HIV+ body fluids in order to infect them with the virus - would they be a murderer or an ass? The only difference here is the means of transmission - and the fact that this guy supposedly LOVED his wife and instead sentenced her to a horrible death. Yes, people die sooner or later - but if I had the option of dying by impacting my skull while skydiving or dying due to aids-related cancer, pneumonia, or various other causes related to that disease, I know which I’d choose. I’d like to know why Hastur thinks that fear and stupidity has anything to do with condemning this man. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/total-fucker-fails-to-tell-fiancee-hes-hiv-marries-her-and-infects-her/180820.md?page=2)